I work as a private practice NP Internal Medicine provider in the same medical center where I started as RN years ago.
A some time ago, I stopped sharing ANY private information about myself and my family, period. Partially it was due to xenophobia I experienced in the same place, partially due to current political situation and partially because I am, well, sick and tired of sharing information that has nothing to do with business. I am nice, polite and adamant about it, whether one feels like "just curious" or not. But, since I was there before, some pieces leaked out and stayed in collective memory.
Over the last year, I encountered more than once that patients/families somehow got to know where I came from and some other details I did not share with them. It is Trump country overall, so more than once it led to situations when I was asked humiliating (to say it mildly) questions directly in my face, refusal of care under premise that I must be "a spy or something", etc. Needless to say, it doesn't make my life any better.
The single source of leak in all cases with no exclusion were staff RNs. I spoke with them; some outright denied telling patients anything, but when presented with facts, everyone started the same spiel: "the patient/family just wanted to know where are you from, what are you doing here in America and if you have any kids - they are customers, you know, and why they cannot know if they are just curious?" No one of them had an impression that what they did was wrong.
In my opinion, doing so is, at least, unprofessional.
Speaking with NURSING management led to nowhere. They have no policies about it, and "what if he just wanted to know, and the nurse happens to know, and not comfortable to say "no"?"
First of all, again, I work in a rather large hospital, and such places are great concentrators of jerks of all kinds, as you probably know. If I would see the same patients in the office day after day, it surely would be different situation.
I am well aware of the fact that personal boundaries vary greatly by geography, population and other factors. This is the reason I will not live in certain areas such as USA South. I still request others to respect mine where I placed them - at least professionally.
I have little problems with patients. In fact, I am locally known as a fine master of hard talks about hospice, antivax, addiction and other unfavorable tracks of life, and I somehow do it without delving into my personal life any more than it is necessary for the case. I have problem with other providers - notably, RNs who take upon themselves to spread pieces of knowledge they got one day or another without making me knowing it (and, yes, I did spoke with them and let them know what I feel and think about it in very unequivocal terms. I did the same with nursing administration. Now they have the holy order to follow).
To make situation more clear, in that place during my first year I was forced to publicly apologize for speaking with the accent!
It did not end good neither for me, nor - on the long run- for those who did it with me. I started to really progress as a professional only after I got myself together and stopped pretending to be what I never was, and never will become. I just become myself, and I intend to continue to do just that. Sorry. And I also travelled the world and in fact lived in more than half a dozen countries. I never felt like I was forced to be more "open" than I wanted to be - except maybe for Japanese ladies' public baths :)
And, my situation has nothing to do with goverment, loans and contracts. It is about good school for a kid and good job for my husband to retire from, if you "just want to know".
I'm sorry, but you are being just as nasty regarding geographical location as you claim others are. I have had charts thrown at me, been talked down to by misogynistic men from other countries. Believe it or not, if this is your attitude towards basic nurses, you are perpetuating your own problems.
I'm sorry, but you are being just as nasty regarding geographical location as you claim others are. I have had charts thrown at me, been talked down to by misogynistic men from other countries.
I really don't see any logical connection between those 2 statement. Although no one deserves to have a chart thrown at them.
Could you please define how you fell that the OP is being "nasty?"
I really don't see any logical connection between those 2 statement. Although no one deserves to have a chart thrown at them.
Could you please define how you fell that the OP is being "nasty?"
She will not live in the SOUTH USA.
I have had charts thrown at me and berated by misogynistic men from other countries.
Not all Southerners are bad, not all doctors from other countries throw charts or are misogynistic.
I see an awful lot of contempt from someone who doesn't know every Southerner. Yet apparently the nurses from other areas of the country are the ones that are doxxing her children. How did we get thrown into this? It's as illogical a connection as you say my post is.
Not all Southerners are bad, not all doctors from other countries throw charts or are misogynistic.
I totally agree that it is unfair to characterize all southerners as, well, anything be it racist, homophobic, etc. It is also wrong to say that all foreign born doctors, or all doctors from a specific country, are sexist, misogynistic, etc. I will say, however, from personal experience, that I feel more comfortable where I live now than when I lived in 'redder' parts of the country. Yes, it is unfair to say everyone from a red state or from Trump country is a bad, close-minded person, but I was much more likely to run into close mindedness in those areas. Again, just personal experience.
I have had charts thrown at me and berated by misogynistic men from other countries.
Not all Southerners are bad, not all doctors from other countries throw charts or are misogynistic.
I see an awful lot of contempt from someone who doesn't know every Southerner. Yet apparently the nurses from other areas of the country are the ones that are doxxing her children. How did we get thrown into this? It's as illogical a connection as you say my post is.
It's full of judgment, distaste and antagonism.
As someone who lives in the south, I see nothing wrong with what Katie said. In my experience, I have encountered more racism, xenophobia, and misogyny in my 7+ years in the Deep South than I ever could have imagined in the North. If I were a person of color-or a more openly LGBTQ person-I would never even consider living in the south. Rather than being offended and triggered, be a part of the solution. Call out the racism you see around you. Call out the sexism, the hate, the islamophobia. But you won't.
Specializes in Psychiatric and Mental Health NP (PMHNP).
Making a statement that none of your minority, immigrant, and LGBT colleagues have had "any problems" is an awfully bold and broad statement to make. It would be quite the statistical anomaly if none of them had ever had any problems with prejudice.
Let me clarify: I meant they did not have problems working as a provider in this "red" rural area. I made no claim that they have never ever experienced prejudice in their entire lives.
Our clinic had a black female CMO who only left because she got her dream job which was in a rare specialty. We loved her dearly and people literally cried when she left. We had a black female NP who was locums and she kept extending her contract b/c she liked it her so much. We tried to hire her perm, but couldn't meet her financial requirements. She went on to another locums assignment elsewhere and now tells me she is really sorry she didn't take a perm job here. We have an African immigrant NP and everyone likes him and people are trying to set him up on dates. One of our nurses recruited a black lesbian RN who was nervous about coming here, but now says she was welcomed with open arms and has never had a problem living here - her and her wife have literally become best friends with some of the (real) cowboys here. There is a small and open LGBT community here.
Another one of our providers is a Korean immigrant who went back to Korea and brought his wife and child here because he likes it so much here. We just hired 2 Filipino NPs and we would love to hire at least one Hispanic provider. Because I am of mixed race, and have an ambiguous look, people have asked if I am part Asia, Hispanic, Native American, Hawaiian, or Eastern European. I've never felt threatened by that and answer simply I am half-Korean. Are there some prejudiced morons and jerks in this area? Yes, of course. But they are a tiny minority and our providers and nurses have not had problems, at least at work.
I have an initial comment on this thread and it isn't these last three. The longer this thread has gone on though, the more focus there is on other things. The OP obviously doesn't live in the SOUTH USA. But, is facing issues in the non-SOUTH USA. I did not say ALL foreign born doctors threw charts, were misogynistic, etc. What I did say is that I have had foreign born, misogynistic doctors throw charts at me, berate me. I live in the SOUTH USA, so the doctors that did that obviously weren't too intimidated. I have a diverse group of friends. We react more to attitude than race. It never behooves me to focus on everyone else while excluding myself from criticism. I have had better luck changing myself, instead of waiting for everyone else to change. Hence my suggestion in my initial comment that precautions be taken to protect a direct link to a child's identity. How did these nurses find out where the children were going to school in the first place? Did the OP tell them? How about not telling them? I'm not a doctor, ARNP, etc... But I share nothing with my coworkers that I don't want spread over the entire hospital. It's not rocket science.
Specializes in Psychiatric and Mental Health NP (PMHNP).
I have an initial comment on this thread and it isn't these last three. The longer this thread has gone on though, the more focus there is on other things. The OP obviously doesn't live in the SOUTH USA. But, is facing issues in the non-SOUTH USA. I did not say ALL foreign born doctors threw charts, were misogynistic, etc. What I did say is that I have had foreign born, misogynistic doctors throw charts at me, berate me. I live in the SOUTH USA, so the doctors that did that obviously weren't too intimidated. I have a diverse group of friends. We react more to attitude than race. It never behooves me to focus on everyone else while excluding myself from criticism. I have had better luck changing myself, instead of waiting for everyone else to change. Hence my suggestion in my initial comment that precautions be taken to protect a direct link to a child's identity. How did these nurses find out where the children were going to school in the first place? Did the OP tell them? How about not telling them? I'm not a doctor, ARNP, etc... But I share nothing with my coworkers that I don't want spread over the entire hospital. It's not rocket science.
I agree with most of what you said. As to how people found out what school the OP's child goes to, the OP seems to indicate this is a small town/rural area. Therefore, a lot of people would know what school the child goes to - other students in the school, faculty and administration, other parents of students there, etc. And in a small town, word gets around fast. It doesn't mean it's malicious.
I agree with most of what you said. As to how people found out what school the OP's child goes to, the OP seems to indicate this is a small town/rural area. Therefore, a lot of people would know what school the child goes to - other students in the school, faculty and administration, other parents of students there, etc. And in a small town, word gets around fast. It doesn't mean it's malicious.
I already wrote that: the nurse approached me in person because she wanted to move her own kid in another school and asked me if we are really that happy with our schools, how to get there, etc. It is a small and selective school district, so I had the question before more than once. I told her all the ropes to pull, even offered her to write reference letter. The information was for her, and only for her personal use, that is to say.
I would never imagine that an adult, professional person would spread this information to whoever else just because that whoever "just wanted to know". It likely was not malicious, but it was absolutely unprofessional. Yes, I did not ask her not to tell it anybody, but for me it was so obvious that I would feel embarrassed to teach an adult basics she should learn much earlier - every personal thing told to you stays with you, unless you know about some objective and very serious circumstance.
Perhaps you are a little more trusting than I, OP. But, I don't share anything with anyone. People who are friends this year cop a resentment about some little stupid something and are not friends next year. We live in an increasingly long range age due to the internet, for that reason I don't even tell FB friends where I work. Only my family knows where I work. Lesson learned... the hard way.
Perhaps you are a little more trusting than I, OP. But, I don't share anything with anyone. People who are friends this year cop a resentment about some little stupid something and are not friends next year. We live in an increasingly long range age due to the internet, for that reason I don't even tell FB friends where I work. Only my family knows where I work. Lesson learned... the hard way.
Well, I just wanted to be nice and helpful and open, just like some here suggest. The result was not something to persuade me to continue.
Persephone Paige, ADN
1 Article; 696 Posts
I'm sorry, but you are being just as nasty regarding geographical location as you claim others are. I have had charts thrown at me, been talked down to by misogynistic men from other countries. Believe it or not, if this is your attitude towards basic nurses, you are perpetuating your own problems.