Question for "seasoned" nurses - how do you control your emotions?

[my3kids]

Just a question - and perhaps a silly one - but I have a hard time keeping myself from crying when something sad happens, and although I'm not a nurse yet, I'm concerned that I'm going to start crying in front of patients or their families, etc. Soooo...how do you keep your emotions in check when need be? Have you ever had a situation happen where your emotions got the best of you? How do you handle it? Thanks for any advice you can throw my way!

[deeDawntee, RN]

You are a human being and being a nurse means getting involved in the human experience, that is the way it should be. It is OK to have all the feelings that you will experience, and as a new nurse you will have sooo many new experiences, watching pts die and families suffer, will bring up some very primal responses and emotions. That is perfectly normal and frankly, I would be concerned if you didn't have those feelings.

I don't like the terminology "thick skinned" particularly, but you WILL develop coping strategies and an ability to detach which is necessary, I believe, for you to be an effective nurse. After awhile, not everyone's death will tear you up anymore and that is the way it should be. You have to put some boundaries around your own internal peace of mind and not let your job strip that away from you. You can still offer support and care, certainly, but you will learn to protect your own emotional well-being. We all will take our turns at grieving the losses in our own lives, it truly is not necessary for you to grieve the whole world's.

The best thing I can tell you is to talk about it. Talk about it with your coworkers, because they will be there and know the situation. If you shed some tears in front of a family, that is OK, as long as you are still being effective. If you find that you aren't able to be effective, you will need to ask for some help. People will understand.

Good luck to you, this is an important process you are going through. Nursing is life itself...with all the tragedy and joy...give yourself time and treat yourself with patience and you will develop your own way of coping.

:heartbeat:heartbeat:heartbeat

[time4meRN]

It will come with practice. I like what other nurses said., focus on the job. However, remember that at some poit you will need to deal with it . Never,,,,,,Never,,,,,,just put it at the back and think it won't bother you, it will creep up when you least expect it and in ways that may not be good for you. Remeber your eap at work . That's what they're there for. I have cryed with many pt's that's OK., but remember, it's about them not you at that point. You have a job to do.

[my3kids]

Thank you so much for all the wonderful advice. I suppose that learning to deal with emotional situations will come with experience, but in the meantime, I'm truly grateful for all the insight!

[End Game RN, RN]

traumaRUs

BINGO!!!!!!!

worked in a level one trauma center for 10 years and had deaths just about every shift. Few were expected. You learn to separate yourself from the event by focusing on what you CAN do: let the family be there during reususcitation if they want, cleaning up the body prior to the family coming in if possible, using a warm blanket to cover the patient, referring to them by name instead of him/her, making sure there are chairs and kleenex strategically placed, praying with them if they ask and you are comfortable doing so.

These are the things I would do in order to assist the family with the start of the grieving process.

End Game RN

[SICU Queen]

You've gotten some good advice here so I can't add anything new, really.

Just know that, in time, you WILL develop enough of a "thick skin" (I hate that phrase too, but it is what it is), enough that you will be able to control your emotions 'til you can get to someplace private. Then, you wash your face and move on.

That being said, sometimes you just can't help it. The tears will just flow. There've been several situations in which I was close to the family, or the situation was just so tragic, and my tears flowed (mine were quiet, though) right along with theirs, and never once has it been chastised, criticized, or unappreciated.

(((hugs)))

[Katie82, RN]

Nurses do cry, and shouldn't apologize for it. I have cried with my patients and their family. Showing your human side is acceptable as long as it doesn't interfere with your ability to deliver care. I have flushed hep locks with tears in my eyes and shared a box of tissues with next of kin. I have developed a pragmatic approach to death - it happens. One of my required classes in nursing school was Death and Dying, it really helped. I worked with a Chaplain who had such a talent for comforting people. I have overheard staff apologize to him for crying. His response was always the same - "It would be much sadder if you didn't cry" Crying is natural in our line of work. Anger is a much more difficult emotion to control.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

i don't think it's necessarily a bad thing to cry with the family when there's been a particularly emotional death. you don't want to cry to the point that the family feels as though they have to comfort you, but i think it shows the family that you care. i've cried with families, and i've prayed with families when asked -- haven't ever tried to insert my belief system into their grief process.

the emotion i have the most difficulty with is anger. i try very hard not to show that one to patients, families, doctors, pt, etc. but there have been a few times when i've cracked. one was when i had two patients in the icu -- a cardiomyopathy guy just basically hanging out with us waiting for a transplant, and another, sicker guy who was getting a line placed. pt asked me if it was a good time to walk the cardiomyopathy guy, john. i told her she could walk him if she could manage it by herself (he was on telemetry), but i needed to stay with my other patient. she said she could do it, so i said ok. five minutes later, she's coming to the door of my other room, saying "i need you to come help me walk john." once again, i told her i couldn't leave.

"but you told me i could walk john," she said.

"i told you i couldn't leave this patient," i replied. both of us were a little heated. she went and told the charge nurse that i was a nasty ***** who wouldn't help her. i sort of lost my temper then, pulled the pt into the linen room and told her she was way out of line. i ended with "how would you feel if i had gone to one of your co-workers to complain about you?" she admitted she wouldn't like it, apologized, and it never happened again. in fact, she went out of her way to be nice to me from then on.

i think sometimes if you let a little anger out (in an appropriate, or at least not wildly inappropriate way) it helps!

[casi, ASN, RN]

When it comes to crying, sometimes it's okay to share hugs and tears with a family member when they've lost a loved one. I had a particularly hard death a couple of days ago. One of the patients family members hugged me and started sobbing which brought me to tears. As I was at the desk wiping away tears mumbling embaressed that I was crying one of the nurses told me, "It's upsetting it's okay to cry."

I stayed at the desk for a couple of minutes, took a few deep breaths and regained my composure and moved on to the next patient. I knew I had done my best for the patient that passed and there were other patients that needed me to do my best for them too.

[EmmaG, RN]

Keep in mind that sometimes death is not the worst thing that can happen to your patients; often it is a release from the suffering they've endured, and you take solace in the fact that they are finally at peace.