Question for "seasoned" nurses - how do you control your emotions?

[my3kids]

Just a question - and perhaps a silly one - but I have a hard time keeping myself from crying when something sad happens, and although I'm not a nurse yet, I'm concerned that I'm going to start crying in front of patients or their families, etc. Soooo...how do you keep your emotions in check when need be? Have you ever had a situation happen where your emotions got the best of you? How do you handle it? Thanks for any advice you can throw my way!

[fergus51]

I remind myself that my responsibility is to care for my patients and their families. There are times when a nurse can cry at work and it's ok and I've done it too, but in general I don't want those families worrying about comforting me. Reminding myself of that obligation goes a long way.

[TazziRN, RN]

You learn how to "save it for later".

[wizap]

you learn to stick things in a box on the shelf until you have time and privacy to deal with it. It is not a good idea to take home stuff to work, or work stuff back home.

[P_RN, ADN, RN]

Seasoned-eh. I guess my salt and pepper hair qualifies me.

The word control is a good one here. I've read here that nurses must get HARD to be able to work with some patients. Well I might get a wee bit crusty around the edges but displaying emotions is natural to some people. Don't go rushing around headless-chicken-wise, but do show that you feel for the patient or family and accept that this is the way life is.

Culturally my family is primrily Southern Baptist/Methodist.. But my cousin is a Catholic deacon/lay minister, and he is married to a Japanese woman who is so gracious and comforting say at a funeral she seems to rule the atmosphere without even speaking some times. SO don't be hard but do control as you would like the atmosphere around you to feel in control.

[tattooednursie, LVN]

There was a situation that got the best of me last year while working in the acute/ER setting. It was a very sad unexpected death and the family did not know this until they arrived to the ER. I wanted to fall apart right then and there, but I had to tell myself, "Just a few more minutes, and I can remove myself from the situation."

When I could, I went to the linen closet, let my emotions out, washed my face, and got back to work.

It's really hard to keep any emotion that you are feeling in check. For me the hardest one to control is anger. I still need to learn how to keep that in check. I would NEVER loose my cool in front of a patient or their family, but I have lost my cool at work. I need to find a way not to do that, or change that to a different emotion. Any ideas on that one???

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I worked in a level one trauma center for 10 years and had deaths just about every shift. Few were expected. You learn to separate yourself from the event by focusing on what you CAN do: let the family be there during reususcitation if they want, cleaning up the body prior to the family coming in if possible, using a warm blanket to cover the patient, referring to them by name instead of him/her, making sure there are chairs and kleenex strategically placed, praying with them if they ask and you are comfortable doing so.

These are the things I would do in order to assist the family with the start of the grieving process.

[GilaRRT]

It is important to seperate work from your life away from work. I find that many nurses are unable to seperate these two aspects of their life and fall into a spiral where work becomes their life. You see this time and again. In some cases, nurses begin to feel like they are obligated to work and it seems that the fate of the world rests on their shoulders. These dynamics are co-dependent and quite unhealthy. Do not fall into this spiral.

I deal with all of the bad things by looking at my job as just that, a simple job. Sure, we all have bad days; however, I am entitled to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and I will pursue all of these things away from work. The problem belongs to my patient and not me. I am there to help, but it is simply not my problem. Why experience your patients suffering when you have it comming at some point? I undersand this may be viewed as negaive, but my life is complicated enough without having to take on somebody elses baggage.

Try to have a healty life full of meaning away from work. This is the best advice I can give.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

depends on what you mean by "control". Having a weeping session does not help the patient or family, so you learn to set aside your grief and think about what they need. However, control to the point of never showing emotion is not good for you or them either. An act of kindness, like offering coffee or blanket, can show you care. I feel hospitals are missing opportunities to support nursing if they do not offer some sort of employee assistance program for debriefing.

[sticknurse]

It can be very difficult to "control" our emotions, especially for people like us who are in the field of "care." It's human to feel, and if we didn't feel I wonder what kind of nurses we would be, but we still have to do our jobs. There's not an easy answer to your question. I've cried over the death of a little grandma who (bless her heart) drove us all crazy with constant demands and frequent risky behavior (ie. trying to get up at 3 am without assistance) and there were other times when tears just wouldn't come, when I lost someone I was very fond of. If I start to cry or get angry at work, I've learned that it's good to try to get to a point where you can physically leave the area and get somewhere private, and just feel what you need to feel, then wash your face and remember you are a nurse. When my father in law died this past April, it was horrible and sudden, and the staff that cared for him had tears in their eyes. Remember, you are only in this stressful environment because you cared enough to be a nurse, and that makes you a pretty tough person. We forget how strong we really are. Over time things get easier, but it's always ok to be human. Just don't make the mistake of thinking you have to be more than that.

[GottaGetIn]

Thank you for posting this!! I am a VERY emotional person and was wondering the same.

[Joe NightingMale, MSN, RN]

The best advice I heard came from a psychologist (I was considering being a counselor at one point).

She said the trick to dealing with clients was to empathize, not sympathize---ie understand and accept their feelings, but don't identify too closely with them. That way you can still be caring but not become too emotionally involved.