PTSD- Am I alone??

CITCAT · Mar 11, 2008

i know of a military nurse, who struggles with this problem and what is kinda sad is when they returned from duty and finished their tour and went to go back to school they couldnot nurse because of the pstd that is why I would be cautious in revealing any sensitive info because it becomes public and unfortunately even in the medical profession there is still a dark veil of ignorance regarding the acceptance of nurses with any kind of mental disorder I am not saying this to be insensitive,but wisdom calls for discretion .

Merced · Mar 14, 2008

No, you are certainly not alone. I think there's a whole lot of truth in the "wounded healer" syndrome.

And, I agree with the person who said that nursing can cause PTSD (or aggravate it to the point where it affects your functioning so much that you're forced to deal with your underlying issues. Anyway that's how it happened for me.

I left nursing in 1997 and only recently stopped having regular "nursing nightmares". Even now, I am surprised when a month goes by that I don't have one. I fervently pray I will never have another.

There was a point when I really wanted a group of nurses who I could talk to, and who could understand. I didn't find it, and I have learned that nursing was more of a symptom than the real problem.

I still have the traits, but I'm not in the grips like I was 10 years ago. I am being treated with antidepressants, and just knowing I have a diagnosis which is real & treatable is so helpful. But the main thing is my spiritual life (enough said, since that is such a personal thing).

nyapa, RN · Mar 14, 2008

You are not alone, though because society, including our own peers, have no understanding, you may feel it. Just look at everyone's posts here ((((hugs for you))).

I am one person who lives with a person who experiences PTSD. I don't pretend to understand what he is going through. But from what I can see, it seems that there are a number of life experiences that have contributed to it. It doesn't matter what the next person has experienced, each person's own experience is significant to them, and matters.

Just remember, there are people who care. :heartbeat

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Mar 15, 2008

Dear one, know you are in a lot of company. I still have occasional nightmares but since so much time has now passed, the dreams are becoming friendlier.

My nightmares were usually being trapped, or bad things happening that I was involved in while on my old job. That was before I became a nurse.

I am a survivor of most of the trauma however, since a lot of time has passed since the events occurred, and I never relied on drugs or drinking as crutches to get me through the trauma, but did pray a lot. I know this was in my favor.

Thankfully, we having a benevolent God who we can go to in our time of need. He gave me the strength to go through when I got to.

My brother is still a drug dependent, but very ill man now. He overdoses on his methadone, since that's the only medication he can get now. He is so much better than he was, and hopefully, one day he will seek God Who will always be there for him.

Fran

sandygator, BSN, RN · Mar 20, 2008

I'm pretty sure my first post here was maybe in 1997...as a newly recovering addict.

After 34 years in this profession, mostly in PICU and nearly 98% pediatrics, I realized today that I am indeed traumatized by my past. I came online looking to see if I was alone. But it is not abuse within my family....today I remembered a 4 yr old... lifeless,

so pale, except for the bruises which covered his body. I remember so vividly the parent who angrily confessed that "the boy just refused to walk right"...so he beat him to death. I thought about the terror that child must have felt just before he lost consciousness. I remembered the tiny little boys we (PICU RN's) referred to as 'the blues brothers' because of the constant 'blue spells' requiring resuscitation, who all ultimately succumbed to their respective disease states. So many infants born of addicted mothers....left...just left...in the picu to be cared for by us. No family, ever.

How many mother's faces did I look into as I laid their already lifeless child in their arms after I took them away from the machines which made them seem alive for a while...sometimes very long whiles. How many times I hurt a child in the name of treatment which we all really knew was futile. Oh my God that one hurts. I remember feeling guilty about the joy I felt as one family lost a perfectly healthy child to a gsw to the head because another child would live ...perhaps...even tho it would mean a life-long regime of medications, lab tests, fear of rejection.

The broken hearts of family members over a brain dead child due to shaken baby....the sorrow I felt because he really didn't know....the rage I felt because she lied about her boyfriend and the baby to protect him.

I am thinking how there seems to be an invisible wall which surrounds the bedside of a dying child. All the cacophany of picu noises dulled by broken hearts.

So many times I was so angry yet so helpless to make a difference.

There were miracles, yes. There were triumphs, many.

But today I realize, I am traumatized. I will not return to substance abuse...which is how I suppose I lived through it all. But I am asking for your prayers as I learn how to begin to deal with this realization. :cry:

Thank you all.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Mar 20, 2008

I'm pretty sure my first post here was maybe in 1997...as a newly recovering addict.
After 34 years in this profession, mostly in PICU and nearly 98% pediatrics, I realized today that I am indeed traumatized by my past. I came online looking to see if I was alone. But it is not abuse within my family....today I remembered a 4 yr old... lifeless,
so pale, except for the bruises which covered his body. I remember so vividly the parent who angrily confessed that "the boy just refused to walk right"...so he beat him to death. I thought about the terror that child must have felt just before he lost consciousness. I remembered the tiny little boys we (PICU RN's) referred to as 'the blues brothers' because of the constant 'blue spells' requiring resuscitation, who all ultimately succumbed to their respective disease states. So many infants born of addicted mothers....left...just left...in the picu to be cared for by us. No family, ever.
How many mother's faces did I look into as I laid their already lifeless child in their arms after I took them away from the machines which made them seem alive for a while...sometimes very long whiles. How many times I hurt a child in the name of treatment which we all really knew was futile. Oh my God that one hurts. I remember feeling guilty about the joy I felt as one family lost a perfectly healthy child to a gsw to the head because another child would live ...perhaps...even tho it would mean a life-long regime of medications, lab tests, fear of rejection.
The broken hearts of family members over a brain dead child due to shaken baby....the sorrow I felt because he really didn't know....the rage I felt because she lied about her boyfriend and the baby to protect him.
I am thinking how there seems to be an invisible wall which surrounds the bedside of a dying child. All the cacophany of picu noises dulled by broken hearts.
So many times I was so angry yet so helpless to make a difference.
There were miracles, yes. There were triumphs, many.
But today I realize, I am traumatized. I will not return to substance abuse...which is how I suppose I lived through it all. But I am asking for your prayers as I learn how to begin to deal with this realization.
Thank you all.

Sandy would you consider posting this as an article? This one needs to be said. Please enter it in the contest. You never know, it could be a winner.

sharona97, BSN, RN · Mar 21, 2008

sandygator,

"I am thinking how there seems to be an invisible wall which surrounds the bedside of a dying child...............dulled by boken hearts".

What a statement, you nailed it. I have near a millisecond in pediatric experience than what you graciously shared. I did see the addicted mothers, the abusive outcomes tatooed on these kids. I was feeding a child a bottle while the father was sititng in the room with me as the social worker was telling the father the child was going to be placed, I started shaking and doing everything I could holding it together. And that's only one incidence.

I have made a sign and placed it on my frig with your quote. I feel that all people need to focus on their accountability, clearly in abuse. Huge problem, I can't fix it, but I can pray for it.

And you my dear are an angel :saint: in my eyes. You have given service for the freedom ( of love, or safety, etc.) of others, of children, and quite possibly the parent(s) of these children.

You are in my prayers and thank you for your compassion towards these kids, what seems before your own well-being.

I also agree this story needs to be told in the article forum.

Take Care,

Sharona

sharona97, BSN, RN · Mar 21, 2008

DeeDawntee,

So well said.

Sharona

nurseby07 · Mar 25, 2008

I know I am not alone here, but it is pretty sad to go to a website for support.

I got a new job! My dream job! Then today my husband of 2 years left me, it seems that the ptsd that I and my children experience is too much for him..Although he does love me. I am sinking to that same old hyper-ventilating baloney that I so proudly put behind me. Yep, there are triggers and this is a major one. I am not suicidal, just unbelievably sad and alone. I had to quit my so great marriage and job on the same day. I think it will all work out. Thank you everyone for your support.

FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I · Mar 26, 2008

I know I am not alone here, but it is pretty sad to go to a website for support.
I got a new job! My dream job! Then today my husband of 2 years left me, it seems that the ptsd that I and my children experience is too much for him..Although he does love me. I am sinking to that same old hyper-ventilating baloney that I so proudly put behind me. Yep, there are triggers and this is a major one. I am not suicidal, just unbelievably sad and alone. I had to quit my so great marriage and job on the same day. I think it will all work out. Thank you everyone for your support.

Oh sweetie, my heart goes out to you. Have you been in counseling in the past? May I recommend you try it once again. I will keep you in my prayers. May God be with you.

BrokenRNheart · Mar 27, 2008

Im a long time reader who decided to finally post. This site is a major support for me!!
I was wondering, are there any nurses out there that struggle with ptsd due to child abuse??? If so, how does that impact your work, and how do you manage your symptoms???? Have you ever told anyone at work?? Any support groups you know of???
I really would appreciate your feedback here!!!
Thanks.

My PTSD is not from child abuse but from nursing. I am serious too.

I have no clue what to do. Therapy causes me more stress due to finding time and money. They are never right up the street and road time can add another hour or two to the day. I have tried counseling and didn't feel it helped.

Prayers are with you. Nursing is hard enough.

sharona97, BSN, RN · Mar 30, 2008

I know I am not alone here, but it is pretty sad to go to a website for support.
I got a new job! My dream job! Then today my husband of 2 years left me, it seems that the ptsd that I and my children experience is too much for him..Although he does love me. I am sinking to that same old hyper-ventilating baloney that I so proudly put behind me. Yep, there are triggers and this is a major one. I am not suicidal, just unbelievably sad and alone. I had to quit my so great marriage and job on the same day. I think it will all work out. Thank you everyone for your support.

Nurseby07,

I hear you loud and clear. Distater strikes alot of us, and so unexpectedly. I will keep you in my prayers. Keep watching for the next door to open.