Home care nurse experiencing verbal abuse by family member of patient.

  1. Hi everyone. I really need your help as I am so distraught and dont really know what to do anymore. I am a married mom of 5 and I have finally achieved my lifelong dream of becoming an RN. I graduated 8 months ago and applied for several jobs with no luck.

    Anyway, in July I was hired as a home care nurse working nights and caring for a young boy in his home. At first it was going well, but over time the boys mother has been unbearable. She is terribly rude to me and for no apparent reason. I have bent over backwards to help her out, including moving around hours to take her and her son to a NFL game. I have purchased flowers for the boy to give his mom, and even purchased a personalized jersey as a christmas gift to her son. I have taken their dog out in the middle of the night and cleaned up the floors when she goes in the house. All of this and much more without even a thank you!! Did I mention that my husband fixed her car for free because we felt bad and have huge hearts?

    Anyway, lately this woman has treated me like dirt. She is constantly giving me dirty looks and slamming doors. Her son called me "slow" the other night and she did not say a word. I looked at him and said that was not nice, and she completely flew off the handle saying that she is going to start locking the doors and that I need to learn my role. She screams at me so loud I shake. I went into the bathroom and took a few deep breaths to gather myself. When I walked back out I asked her if I could speak to her and she asked me what I wanted. I asked her if I am doing something wrong that she is not communicating to me and she began screaming again telling me that if I dont like it then there is the door. She said that I let her son get away with **** that he wouldnt be getting away with with her or she would knock his head off! Huh??? I'm sorry but what does she really want me to do?

    hen she continued to say that she doesnt want me playing around with her son and that I am his nurse and nothing more. If I were to write everything I have been through then I would be here forever. She is also always screaming and telling me that she is my boss and that she gets bills from the insurance company for 6000 dollars for 10 day periods and she thinks it is crazy. Well, she is getting an RN in her home up to 7 days a week for 9 hours each night. She acts like I am responsible. Sometimes I feel like standing my ground because I am a grown woman and I have never in my whole life been treated this way! I feel like my hands are tied because I have had no luck finding anything else and I do have 5 children.

    Please give me some advice! I have talked to my boss about this repeatedly but she just says that she knows because she had dealt with her before...but the agency has no other RN cases open. This is not what I wanted in nursing and now I dread going to work. Please help!
    Last edit by Esme12 on Jan 16, '14
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    About prada5

    Joined: Sep '12; Posts: 18; Likes: 3


  3. by   middleagednurse
    Keep looking for another job. Are there any other home care agencies around? You shouldn't have to put up with abuse. I know sometimes family members can be difficult but this is ridiculous. HUGS.
  4. by   CrunchRN
    Find another job. Keep applying elsewhere. This situation will never be fixed.
  5. by   ventmommy
    That's beyond ridiculous. No one should treat someone else like this. She is modeling horrendous behavior for her child.
  6. by   eeffoc_emmig
    There is no fixing this. Leave.
  7. by   AdobeRN
    NOt worth it - leave. If agency unable to find another place for you - give your 2 weeks notice and find another. Home Health jobs are easy to find.
  8. by   caliotter3
    You don't have to work an RN level case. Accept an LPN level case (at LPN rate) and get out of there.
  9. by   prada5
    I am desperately trying to get another job. I do LPN cases on the side but they are only hour long cases. I applied to an OB unit last month and they said that I am a very strong candidate and even gave me a tour. They told me they ate hoping to fill the position in February as they are trying to fill other positions in house first. I am praying I get some news but not holding my breath. My husband tells me to just leave but I dont want to be irresponsible with our finances. He is concerned because he said he sees a difference in my moods at home because it is always on my mind. I am under a huge amount of stress.
  10. by   SDALPN
    It sounds like you both have crossed boundaries. Ask for another case. One poster stated all for an LPN case, but most cases both types of nurses can work. I've never seen an "LPN case"in my area as it's LPN/RN or RN only and RN only is extremely rare. Either way, you will probably run into more parents like this over time. Maintaining boundaries will help.
  11. by   prada5
    I agree that I have probably crossed a line I shouldn't have by having my husband fix her car, but I guess at the time I didn't feel that way because it was on my day off and my husband is a mechanic. I was trying to help as I always do. At this agency there are only a couple RN cases, a few small LPN cases and mostly HHA. I dont know. I guess I have learned a tough lesson.
  12. by   LPNurse22
    Honestly if I were you I wouldn't take that. As I have a big ass mouth I probably would have been kicked out lol jk but seriously. No one should have to go through that. It all depends on ya mental state. If you think you can take it then work until you get another job. Otherwise put in your 2 weeks because that's verbal abuse she is showing u. Nothing is worth the abuse. However since you have children that you have to take care of, just do your job. Don't get too close to them such as taking them to games n buying flowers unless u have to..??? Anyway. Just do your job As a nurse; what is expected of you and just go straight home at the end of you're shift. Do not get toooo personal into their lives as this will soon be over.
  13. by   prada5
    I totally hear you. The game was to assure he had a nurse with him, so I changed my schedule to make it happen. And the flowers were because the boy was sad one night and said he wishes he could do something nice for his mom. I was really trying to be a good person...but I totally regret it. This woman even fired her sons physical therapist because he asked her son to go into the bedroom and pick out clothes and try to get dressed on his own. She totally flipped and said that no one tells her son what to do!! Unbelievable. I am just at my wits end with this lady. Trust me...what I have explained here is putting it mildly and leaving out all the obscenities. To top it off I an a non smoker and there are 3 adults in this home that chain smoke and could care less about it. My nursing bag and my scrubs smell awful and the smell wont come out. It really is all around a bad situation. I am out of there as soon as I get something new.
  14. by   amoLucia
    Like others have said - "get out".

    It may only be a matter of time before she might escalate to physical abuse or destroying some of your possessions.

    She can also slander and/or libel you to your agency, your BON, and or go on the Web. And yes, these things all do happen!!

    Any of those scenarios will cause you immeasurable time & grief.

    Because of the smoking environment, you might be able to claim negative health-related issues to get out of the position without any problems.

    Just get out before things get worse and that's only how it can go.