Advice about a teacher....

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

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I have a teacher who before I had totally admired and respected. She is my A&P and Micro teacher therefore I have to have this woman. She is South African, I believe, so there are some culture clashes. She says things that she really shouldn't say because they are just plain rude. Anyway, here's my story:

I had to drop off my digital recorder to her on Monday because my 3 y.o. son was sick and couldn't go to day care. While I waited in her office with my son (she made me wait 30+ minutes while she phoned a friend, checked and sent emails, etc.)--all I had to do was show her the on button, the record button, and the stop button--she made a very rude comment to my son not once but 4 times in front of nursing students that I do not know and in front of my algebra instructor. She looked at my son and asked him 4 times "Is your mommy eating all the food and not giving you any?" She asked him so many times that he tugged on my pant leg and when I bent down to talk to him he asked me if I was eating all of his food. Granted I'm a chub--but I'm not morbidly obese--and my son is small but he's in the 50th percentile for his age or whatever. She's made comments before about me weight in class. We were talking about total blood volume and how women have less blood and body fat decreases the amount even more. So she points to me and says, "so someone like you would have much less blood than someone like her (another student) who is healthy and skinny." This teacher is not a small woman. She's actually quite large but tells us constantly about what great shape she is in.

A few weeks ago in micro lab she looked at another classmate and loudly in front of the whole class proceeds to tell this girl how she has let herself go and gained a ton of weight yet she was still trying to fit into her smaller clothes--how everything was hanging out and she looked awful.

I was so hurt by the fact that my son asked me if I eat his food and so mortified that she asked that 4 times in front of total strangers that I cried all evening. I didn't say a thing in her office--but as soon as I got in my car the waterworks started. I'm so very concious of my weight because I used to be VERY small--too small--until I had my son. I gained a lot then and was never able to breastfeed so 3 years later I'm still a big ol' chunk. And during school I've put on more weight since time to exercise and eat right are almost non-existent. So I know what I look like....do I really need a teacher reminding me constantly and embarrassing me in front of others?

My question is, what should I do? I thought of writing an annoymous (sp?) letter but then I think I should just drop it--blame it on the culture differences and survive the semester. I have to have her to be a nurse. She's the only instructor available that teaches these courses. If I approach her she's very argumentative and will make life miserable for me.

Anyway, there's my rant. I'm done crying now--I'm just angry at this point.:madface:

I did lose almost 90 pounds on Weight Watchers. It took almost 2 years to do and over the last 3 years I gained it all back. :o I wasn't thin after losing the 90 and had about another 30 to go to really be well...sexy. ;)

Losing it and gaining it all back has been awful. I was stressed over a few things and ate my way through it which is never a good idea. You then become so overwhelmed by what you need to lose that it seems insurmountable. I have done it once so I know I can do it again. I just need to start already and start dreaming about it.

Maybe we could all team up and cheer each other on?! That would be nice especially as a few of us want to lose a significant amount of weight. We could take it 10 pounds at a time.

personally, if someone would do the same thing to me, right then and there i would put them in their place. i mean hello??? no one (READ: NO ONE) has the right to make you feel miserable about yourself. it no longer is an issue of cultural differences here. the issue is that she is a pure *****. the last straw i believe is the comments she made to your son. one word of advice: never let her make you feel miserable. you can always complain in the proper office regarding people like her. and if she will flunk you because of what you did, all the more that you will have a case you can file against her. goodluck

Specializes in Acute Care Psych, DNP Student.
personally, if someone would do the same thing to me, right then and there i would put them in their place. i mean hello??? no one (READ: NO ONE) has the right to make you feel miserable about yourself. it no longer is an issue of cultural differences here. the issue is that she is a pure *****. the last straw i believe is the comments she made to your son. one word of advice: never let her make you feel miserable. you can always complain in the proper office regarding people like her. and if she will flunk you because of what you did, all the more that you will have a case you can file against her. goodluck

I have to disagree on several points here. When there is a power imbalance as with professor and student, it is not quite so simple as putting the professor in her place.

While it is easy to say, "never let anyone make you feel miserable" the reality is we will. Yes, it is good to reduce this, but we aren't human if we don't feel emotion from interaction with others.

As far as complaining and contesting a grade...there are variable outcomes. In reality, one cannot count on prevailing against a professor, especially when it involves a grade complaint.

I would suggest a more pragmatic approach. Try to not let the prof bother you. Understand who she is making these statements. In other words, remind yourself that she is the problem, not you. After the class is over and grades have posted - write all the compelling complaint letters to the dean you want! From what I have seen - colleges are usually quite aware of the inappropriate behavior of some professors, but cannot attract better candidates.

ditto to previous poster, pass that NCLEX and tell her what you think about her!!

Specializes in HCA, Physch, WC, Management.

Weight really does seem to be the last socially acceptable prejudice. I understand that this woman comes from a different culture but you have obviously made her aware of the fact that her comments are not welcome, helpful, or appropriate. Try to make it through this semester and then do other students a favor and complain about this teacher to whoever you have to complain to to get her to stop treating people this way. Complain to the dean, the president of the college, the nursing program director, whoever is appropriate. It is wrong for teachers to have any kind of bias against their students and it's inappropriate for her to speak to you or anyone else that way. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with this. Please do not let this woman's comments deteriorate your self-esteem!

I did lose almost 90 pounds on Weight Watchers. It took almost 2 years to do and over the last 3 years I gained it all back. :o I wasn't thin after losing the 90 and had about another 30 to go to really be well...sexy. ;)

Losing it and gaining it all back has been awful. I was stressed over a few things and ate my way through it which is never a good idea. You then become so overwhelmed by what you need to lose that it seems insurmountable. I have done it once so I know I can do it again. I just need to start already and start dreaming about it.

Maybe we could all team up and cheer each other on?! That would be nice especially as a few of us want to lose a significant amount of weight. We could take it 10 pounds at a time.

Maybe we could start a thread about it? What do you think?:yeah:

Specializes in Med/Surg, Geri, Ortho, Telemetry, Psych.

Different culture has nothing to do with it. Rude is rude in any culture:nono: . Have you given any thought to writing an anonymous letter to your local paper?

I've thought of writing an anon. letter and explaining how she does this to a lot of students in front of everyone. What really gets me is, bless their hearts, there are 2 classmates of mine that would fall into the morbidly obese category, and she hasn't said a word to them to my knowledge. The thought of putting her in her place sounds very empowering in my head, however I'm 1)afraid of any sort of confrontation and 2)this woman holds my future in her hands until I get out of school. But let me tell you, in my head, I've told her what for! LOL

I'm afraid my self-esteem in already deteriorated--she just added salt to the wound. Sometimes being a "chunky" woman is just horrible. There are prejudices everywhere. And you are right, it seems to be the last and strongest prejudice to overcome.

As far as a weight loss thread/buddy system...I say let's do it. I've got all the stuff for weight watchers it's just a matter of me putting forth the effort. When do ya wanna start? Maybe we could have a "biggest loser" contest online. If they don't want us to compare that here on the nursing forum maybe we could find another or do it on MySpace or something? We could make up a myspace account and go on and comment about tricks/tips and pounds lost. I'm so for it.

She is creating a hostile enviroment. However, if she has tenure there might not be much that can be done. Do you have any tapes of your classes that you have been in, that comments have been made? If not start tape recording her classes, with permission, so that when she makes these type of comments again you have proof. Then take the recording and have a meeting with the head of the department and the dean of the school. If you only have a short time left for this class and can wait until it's over before going up the chain, that is probably a good idea so that she can't retaliate against you. Hope thngs get better.

:yeahthat: I would do the same thing.

I also would have half the mind to slap the *****. What she said to your son is COMPLETELY uncalled for. Culture differences or not, it's just not needed. After your class you should definitely report her, even if she does have tenure.

It almost sounds like she makes comments on other students because she is so self-consious about her own body. This would also explain why she feels the need to brag abot how fit she is, even though she isn't.

Just my :twocents:

Maybe we could start a thread about it? What do you think?:yeah:

I started a thread gang!! Everyone is welcome!! Click on the link and join us!! :balloons:

https://allnurses.com/forums/f198/who-would-like-part-lose-weight-get-healthy-team-214195.html

Good grief! I don't care what culture someone is from.... No one has ANY right to hurt someone else's feelings! At least not deliberatly and that sounds to me like that is what she is trying to do!

My guess is that she is overweight herself (as you said) and for her to feel better about herself... she needs to put others down. I wouldn't take that... however... I'm as much as a non-confrontationalist as you will ever find.

I guess there are two things you can do. Talk to her. Tell her how she makes you feel. Or... let it go and try and put her out of your mind once your semester is over. (is she a nursing teacher too?? If she is and you will have to have her in the future... you may need to say something now)

I just don't understand why people have to be so mean. And to say those things to your son.

I hope you know you are a great mom! A great student (for keeping your cool) and a beautiful person! No matter what any one else says about you. Good luck.... let us know if you decide to say anything. I think that she should be fired.

There are people in this world who are just plain mean. As you stated she says she enjoys doing this to get a rise out of people. No she does not have the right to do this, yes she is very, VERY wrong. First thing to do is pass her class; secondly fill out your anonymous evaluation with the dates and specific incidents; third graduate and NCLEX; then go to the dean with your documentation.

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