Advice about a teacher....

Nursing Students Pre-Nursing

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I have a teacher who before I had totally admired and respected. She is my A&P and Micro teacher therefore I have to have this woman. She is South African, I believe, so there are some culture clashes. She says things that she really shouldn't say because they are just plain rude. Anyway, here's my story:

I had to drop off my digital recorder to her on Monday because my 3 y.o. son was sick and couldn't go to day care. While I waited in her office with my son (she made me wait 30+ minutes while she phoned a friend, checked and sent emails, etc.)--all I had to do was show her the on button, the record button, and the stop button--she made a very rude comment to my son not once but 4 times in front of nursing students that I do not know and in front of my algebra instructor. She looked at my son and asked him 4 times "Is your mommy eating all the food and not giving you any?" She asked him so many times that he tugged on my pant leg and when I bent down to talk to him he asked me if I was eating all of his food. Granted I'm a chub--but I'm not morbidly obese--and my son is small but he's in the 50th percentile for his age or whatever. She's made comments before about me weight in class. We were talking about total blood volume and how women have less blood and body fat decreases the amount even more. So she points to me and says, "so someone like you would have much less blood than someone like her (another student) who is healthy and skinny." This teacher is not a small woman. She's actually quite large but tells us constantly about what great shape she is in.

A few weeks ago in micro lab she looked at another classmate and loudly in front of the whole class proceeds to tell this girl how she has let herself go and gained a ton of weight yet she was still trying to fit into her smaller clothes--how everything was hanging out and she looked awful.

I was so hurt by the fact that my son asked me if I eat his food and so mortified that she asked that 4 times in front of total strangers that I cried all evening. I didn't say a thing in her office--but as soon as I got in my car the waterworks started. I'm so very concious of my weight because I used to be VERY small--too small--until I had my son. I gained a lot then and was never able to breastfeed so 3 years later I'm still a big ol' chunk. And during school I've put on more weight since time to exercise and eat right are almost non-existent. So I know what I look like....do I really need a teacher reminding me constantly and embarrassing me in front of others?

My question is, what should I do? I thought of writing an annoymous (sp?) letter but then I think I should just drop it--blame it on the culture differences and survive the semester. I have to have her to be a nurse. She's the only instructor available that teaches these courses. If I approach her she's very argumentative and will make life miserable for me.

Anyway, there's my rant. I'm done crying now--I'm just angry at this point.:madface:

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I would grin and bear it until after you passed NCLEX and have 3 copies of your official transcripts in hand. Then if you still feel the need to say something, she can't stop you from graduating by suddenly deciding that you failed her course.

If you feel the need to talk to administration about her, save the recordings where she trashes students and allow them to hear her telling someone how horrible they look.

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Specializes in SICU.

She is creating a hostile enviroment. However, if she has tenure there might not be much that can be done. Do you have any tapes of your classes that you have been in, that comments have been made? If not start tape recording her classes, with permission, so that when she makes these type of comments again you have proof. Then take the recording and have a meeting with the head of the department and the dean of the school. If you only have a short time left for this class and can wait until it's over before going up the chain, that is probably a good idea so that she can't retaliate against you. Hope thngs get better.

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I am so sorry that she is being so awful to you! She is definitely in the wrong. But, my advice to you is to...just try to ignore her rudeness and get through the class.

Ironically I am in a similar situation with a professor. I have complained to her openly as well as to the dean on numerous occasions. 14 out of 24 students have dropped her AP2 class thus far...all this to say...it has gotten me nowhere and I wish I had just kept my mouth shut. It just upsets me more and to no avail. Oddly enough, she is also a South African...and claims she was once a star athelete, yada yada yada...

Anyway...just try and make it through the next half semester and be the better person...not the bitter person. Cheesy I know :-)

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OMG, THAT IS AWFUL!!

I, too, am a bit pudgy after having my daughter 18 months ago. It's not easy to get rid of the weight...not for everyone!! Regardless of that, the teacher should certainly know better than to say something like that to you. And for her to have persuaded your son to ask you if your eating all of his food, that would have made me more angry than anything I think!!! How dare she even speak to your son in such a negative way!!! My daughter is very small as well (50% for height and about 10% for weight), but healthy, but I have NEVER had anyone say anything negative to me!!! How horrible.

Does your school conduct teacher evaluations at the end of the semester? Is this the last time you will need to have this teacher for a class? I would certainly note that on the evaluation at the end of the semester...I think the school should address it...it sounds like it's not abnormal for her to slam students and I don't believe that's right.

But for right now, I wouldn't want to stir anything up...just suck it up and deal with it for the time being I would say! Good luck to you!!!

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I am so sorry that she is being so awful to you! She is definitely in the wrong. But, my advice to you is to...just try to ignore her rudeness and get through the class.

Ironically I am in a similar situation with a professor. I have complained to her openly as well as to the dean on numerous occasions. 14 out of 24 students have dropped her AP2 class thus far...all this to say...it has gotten me nowhere and I wish I had just kept my mouth shut. It just upsets me more and to no avail. Oddly enough, she is also a South African...and claims she was once a star athelete, yada yada yada...

Anyway...just try and make it through the next half semester and be the better person...not the bitter person. Cheesy I know :-)

Wow, 14 our of 24 dropped? You would think the school would notice that!!! One thing that drives me nuts is when you complain and they don't do anything...I had to deal with that in the corporate world!!

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Specializes in A variety.

I am sorry you are being treated this way. I wish that this didn't happen, it is sad that people can be so cruel.

I had a teacher that taught cultural anthropology and he was from Africa (can't remember now what part). Overall it was very interesting, but there were MANY times that I would sit in class and be thinking, I can't believe he is saying this, this is COMPLETELY inappropriate. I think that it may simply be a cultural problem. I know this man didn't mean any offense, but I think that in this country some of the things he talked about and said and referenced to individuals in the class (myself included) were inappropriate. He had just begun the semester that I had him and he was let go shortly after our semester ended. In a way I did feel bad for him though because he seemed to be trying and putting in the effort, but I am not surprised he was let go. I think it is a hard situation, I hope he was given a warning first so he could try to fix his behavior. I would imagine that it can be very hard to adapt to all our norms and the things that we accept and the things that are just known to be not okay to say or do (though you would think it would be easier for a cultural anthropology teacher!! :) I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I personally don't like confrontation and prefer to not cause waves if possible, so I think if I were in your case I would grin and bear it (for the sake of your grades and your nursing career). I would, however, bring it up to someone at some point, whether is be the teacher directly to let her know how you felt and how she came across, or to the school directly. It is definitely not right and you shouldn't be subjected to it. Unfortunately sometimes you have to look at the big picture though. Since you don't have another teacher to take the class with, you don't want to make your situation worse than it is now.

Keep your chin up and let it roll and remember that you are the only one who can allow people's opinions to affect you, don't give her that power, you are better than that! (I know it can be easier said than done but it is definitely true)!

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After thinking some more I think I will just let it roll off my back. This teacher loves to intimidate students and tells us she lives for it. I will, however, be filling out an evaluation and those are confidential.....

Maybe I just shouldn't be so sensitive to my weight--but as a woman and living in the world of today..well I don't have to explain that part. The world thinks we should all be a size 2 and that size 10 is "plus size" Ha! AS IF!!

Thanks for the words of advice. I really appreciate it all!

Now chin up for me!

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After thinking some more I think I will just let it roll off my back. This teacher loves to intimidate students and tells us she lives for it. I will, however, be filling out an evaluation and those are confidential.....

Maybe I just shouldn't be so sensitive to my weight--but as a woman and living in the world of today..well I don't have to explain that part. The world thinks we should all be a size 2 and that size 10 is "plus size" Ha! AS IF!!

Thanks for the words of advice. I really appreciate it all!

Now chin up for me!

That's a good attitude.

I had a teacher that was aweful....he didn't rip on people like that but he was offensive. And, he had no interest in teaching, just randomly downloaded tests the day before the exam....so he never even lectured to what we should know. We were tested on things that weren't even in our chapters. The way I look at it is we are consumers of education. If I pay good money for something, and I decide to attend a school....they are there to provide a service. Just like eating at a restaurant....they are there to educate the class....not be rude as you have experienced. I was so furious about mine that I went to the head of the department (which is confidential), and complained. I would have gone to the dean after that, and then the newspaper....heck I would have insisted on getting my $ back.....however, thankfully the head of the department addressed it to my satisfaction. Everything changed dramatically, and my teacher did have tenure.

I know you have decided to let it go. However, if you decide you can't I would consider writing to the school paper, or going to the head of the department. If a boss did that to you they would be fired....shame on her. You could complain to the school and make a very strong case for a lack of teacher quality, and student mental abuse....and they are only providing one choice for you.

Lol, now I'm mad.....it burns me. I'm way out of shape after having kids, but weight can be fixed if we choose. But it doesn't determine who we are......I take pride that my children are healthy, and they are loved. They don't care if mamma is big and squishy.

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I'm so sorry sweetie. I have to lose a ton of weight and feel awful about myself especially as I lost almost 90 pounds to gain it all back. You have just talked about my worst nightmare. I am very sensitive to my weight and would be MORTIFIED if someone made a comment about me publicly. She is completely and utterly out of line.

I would try and make it through this class if you can. When it is over I would file a complaint about her to her boss, HR, etc. Right down the date and every inappropriate comment that she makes. This could protect someone else down the line.

Please know however that this has nothing to do about you or anyone else she singles out to humiliate and embarass. She is a miserable and insecure person who feels so badly about herself that she levels others to take them down with her. Hard as it is try and pity her because she isn't even worth your scorn.

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It was a shock that she said something so rude--even in front of another faculty member. I guess with sharing offices, my algebra instructor is accustomed to her lack of respect toward others.

Did you say you had lost 90lbs Batman...how the heck did you do that? In all honesty, I'd love to lose 75lbs but 30-40 would be nice =D And as crazy as it sounds her comments make me more determined. I wanna be like see I can be "healthy" and do good in nursing. So there. Ha. Yeah, I'm a grown up!

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I'd like to loose too, I'm 90 lbs heavier than when I got married after having children.:( It's not for vanity, but after all these classes I know how unhealthy it is. You would think that that alone would be enought to motivate me, but unfortunately it hasn't yet. Plus, I end up feeling crappy physically because of the extra weight.

:banghead: (how cool is this guy, but that's how I feel about my weight loss efforts, lol)

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