Please I need advice!

**NICU Guy, BSN, RN** · May 31, 2015

I'm afraid that the nurse manager will tell my preceptor about my request and give me more hard time.

Talk to the manager about different preceptor. The preceptor herself said she doesn't want to precept you. Have the manager find someone that is willing to precept you. Tell the manager that she is spending money to train you and that if you fail, then the money she spent training you will have been wasted. It is in her best interest to help you succeed and that can be best accomplished by finding you a different preceptor.

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 31, 2015

Today was my second day with my preceptor. Let me begin to say that my preceptor is not happy to train me. I heard my preceptor tell the nurse manager in the unit that she likes to work alone. I dont think she knows that I over heard her. Even worse, the nurse manager doesn't like me either, whenever my preceptor is not around I ask for her help, she tells me ask your preceptor. But, when I ask my preceptor she rolls her eyes and gets mad. Later on in my shift the nurse manager went up stairs to check on my schedule. She told my preceptor "yes she is coming tomorrow" my preceptor said "nooo, please don't put her with me" and the nurse manager started laughing at her. They thought i wasn't around. Therefore, I can't go up to the nurse manager to request a new preceptor because they are such good friends. I'm afraid that the nurse manager will tell my preceptor about my request and give me more hard time. I really don't know what to do or who to talk to. I'm feel so sad because I feel not wanted there, and it makes me feel bad. I really dont want to quit because it took me 2 years to get this job. On the other hand I feel that I'm not getting the proper training, and in 5 weeks i will be alone. Have you ever experienced something similar. Sorry for being such baby, but I really need advice. Thank you for reading my depressing story.

OK, I'll bite.

Not everyone enjoys being a preceptor, and very few of us are given a choice about when/if/whom we precept. Your preceptor doesn't like being a preceptor. That's sad for both of you, but neither one of you was given much choice. If you want to keep the job, suck it up and learn to work with this preceptor. (I'd be telling the preceptor to suck it up and learn to work with you.) Just because someone doesn't like precepting -- or doesn't like YOU -- doesn't mean you cannot learn from them. So make your mind up to learn as much as you can.

I can't believe you're going to your nurse manager with questions about the bedside. (You are working at the bedside, aren't you?) Answering questions about bedside nursing are not the manager's function and possibly not her forte. Not every manager these days has ever worked the bedside, and some of them who DID work it did so long, long ago. Before computerized charting, before IV pumps were widely used, before LVADs . . . . She is perfectly correct that you should be asking your preceptor those questions.

Rolling your eyes isn't a very polite statement, but it's not criminally prosecutable, either. Setting aside the possibility that your preceptor may actually be a bully or a troll -- both of those things are extremely rare -- consider the possibility that the type of questions you ask or the way you're asking them could be annoying the everyliving daylights out of her. No preceptor likes to answer "Now what is the number for the blood bank again?" three or more times in a shift (or in an hour) and the question "The doctor wants a Foley -- what do I do?" is annoying to the nth degree. Carry a notebook and write down the answers to any questions you ask so you don't ask them multiple times. And as for the second question -- the correct way to ask it is: "Mr. P. has a Foley order. I've pulled the procedure and read it over and I think I have all of the supplies I need. I've never done this before, though, so do you mind talking me through it before we go into his room?"

You absolutely can go to the manager and request a new preceptor, and some will advise you to do so. Most of those giving that advice will be relatively new themselves. It's bad advice. My manager treats those requests as a failure on the part of the new hire to get along with her established staff. One black mark against the newbie. Learn to get along with the preceptor you're given. You might find, in a year or so, that you're best friends. Or not. You can still learn from her, despite her reluctance to precept with almost certainly has nothing to do with you. She just doesn't like precepting. Or she's burned out on precepting.

All of this emotional garbage has no business in the work place. "I feel so sad because I feel not wanted there and it makes me feel bad" has nothing to do with the job, your learning or your progress toward becoming competent. It might be true, but it's not relevent. It's about the job.

How do you know you're not getting the proper training? Is there a training outline? A skills checklist? An educator? A plan? Are you taking responsibility for your own education? As an adult, you should be. And it sounds as if you're just passively sitting back and waiting for someone to "train me."

Work is not the place to get your emotional needs met. You should have a support system outside of work for that.

The first year of nursing is difficult. We've all been through it. And the only way to GET through it is to GO through it. So change your attitude and get on with the learning program!

Q_vick03 · May 31, 2015

I can't believe you're going to your nurse manager with questions about the bedside.

Sorry i meant charge nurse of my floor.Thank you for taking ur time and your advice.

NightOwlPsyRN · May 31, 2015

Ruby Vee, I don't agree with your "tough love" kind of mentality. We were all brand new nurses once, and training in an environment that appropriately fosters growth makes a significant difference in the success of new nurses. I could care less if a preceptor doesn't like precepting, is burnt out on precepting, and/or has no choice but to train newbies...this is going to be a fellow nurse working beside you once they hit the floor. Do you really want them to start off being incompetent, let alone asking millions more questions because you didn't want to invest the time and effort in effectively training them? Is professionalism tossed out the window once a cohort of new nurses get hired?

Personally, I would rather have my shadows competent and be confident in their knowledge and abilities...and why be annoyed when they ask questions? Better safe that they ask me as many times as they need rather than be hesitant and assume or make an error all because my attitude is off-putting. Even though each nurse has their own assignment to worry about, we all still have to work with each other as a team when it comes down to it. Being passive aggressive like mentioned in the OP's situation accomplishes NOTHING.

If I were given the option of getting a better training experience from someone else versus "sucking it up" and settling with a preceptor who may very well be wasting my valuable learning time (despite the fear of potentially violating politics involved of supposedly "failing to get along" with the nursing manager's established staff), which makes more sense? If I'm not getting enough out of my training, you better believe I will speak up and seek out better learning opportunities if not initially provided.

I've had my share of new hires I had to train, most often on days where we are short-staffed and the floor is chaotic, and yes, a select few were trainees that I really didn't enjoy working with. Sure, I get annoyed too. But that is irrelevant. I feel like all of the reasons you have provided justifying the behaviors of a bad preceptor are not excusable. There should be no excuses in any lack of professionalism or hindering any possibility of providing learning opportunities.

OP, I think a good idea to bring up to your nurse manager is asking her if you can shadow multiple nurses rather than just one throughout the entirety of your training. Every nurse works a bit differently, and observing various work flows can be enlightening and you can definitely learn a lot. After training you'll get a better feel of what works and what doesn't, and you can tweek your own flow and way of doing things once you hit the floor.

Try not to take these things personal. You will grow accustomed to working with similar nurses with rather strong personalities. In the end you learn to work with them by utilizing each of your strengths. I work with my fair share of VERY seasoned nurses who are very set in their ways, and we get along very well. What many fail to realize is that a lot of newer nurses bring a lot of great ideas to the table, and are more up to date with evidence-based practice than what was taught years upon years ago. So don't be so hard on yourself, you will do just fine!

MidLifeRN2012 · May 31, 2015

Sounds to me like Ruby Vee would be a bully nurse herself and condones this type of behavior towards new nurses.

Red Kryptonite · May 31, 2015

Sounds to me like Ruby Vee would be a bully nurse herself and condones this type of behavior towards new nurses.

Having read several of your posts, I know you're nearly 50 years old. Which makes you too old for this playground crap.

RainMom · May 31, 2015

It was only the 2nd day, take a deep breath.

Like Ruby said, some nurses simply hate to precept. Show her that you are ready, willing & able to learn what she can teach you. You have a short window of time to take in as much info as you can about this new job. Ignore any perceived ill will & focus on applying what you learn, improving on yesterday's mistakes, & keep moving forward. At the end of the day, write it out - what you improved from the last shift, what you messed up, new things you tried for the first time, make goals for the next shift, etc.

Don't let her attitude be a mental road block for you. Maybe you'll need to change preceptors, but give it a little more time; she just may need to warm up to her role a bit. At the end of a week, re-evaluate the situation; ask her how you are doing as far as meeting expectations.

Good luck. It sucks being the new guy. I just got off orientation after transferring depts & it took a good couple of weeks to stop feeling like I had 2 heads & fumbling fingers.

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 31, 2015

Ruby Vee, I don't agree with your "tough love" kind of mentality. We were all brand new nurses once, and training in an environment that appropriately fosters growth makes a significant difference in the success of new nurses. I could care less if a preceptor doesn't like precepting, is burnt out on precepting, and/or has no choice but to train newbies...this is going to be a fellow nurse working beside you once they hit the floor. Do you really want them to start off being incompetent, let alone asking millions more questions because you didn't want to invest the time and effort in effectively training them? Is professionalism tossed out the window once a cohort of new nurses get hired?
Personally, I would rather have my shadows competent and be confident in their knowledge and abilities...and why be annoyed when they ask questions? Better safe that they ask me as many times as they need rather than be hesitant and assume or make an error all because my attitude is off-putting. Even though each nurse has their own assignment to worry about, we all still have to work with each other as a team when it comes down to it. Being passive aggressive like mentioned in the OP's situation accomplishes NOTHING.
If I were given the option of getting a better training experience from someone else versus "sucking it up" and settling with a preceptor who may very well be wasting my valuable learning time (despite the fear of potentially violating politics involved of supposedly "failing to get along" with the nursing manager's established staff), which makes more sense? If I'm not getting enough out of my training, you better believe I will speak up and seek out better learning opportunities if not initially provided.
I've had my share of new hires I had to train, most often on days where we are short-staffed and the floor is chaotic, and yes, a select few were trainees that I really didn't enjoy working with. Sure, I get annoyed too. But that is irrelevant. I feel like all of the reasons you have provided justifying the behaviors of a bad preceptor are not excusable. There should be no excuses in any lack of professionalism or hindering any possibility of providing learning opportunities.
OP, I think a good idea to bring up to your nurse manager is asking her if you can shadow multiple nurses rather than just one throughout the entirety of your training. Every nurse works a bit differently, and observing various work flows can be enlightening and you can definitely learn a lot. After training you'll get a better feel of what works and what doesn't, and you can tweek your own flow and way of doing things once you hit the floor.
Try not to take these things personal. You will grow accustomed to working with similar nurses with rather strong personalities. In the end you learn to work with them by utilizing each of your strengths. I work with my fair share of VERY seasoned nurses who are very set in their ways, and we get along very well. What many fail to realize is that a lot of newer nurses bring a lot of great ideas to the table, and are more up to date with evidence-based practice than what was taught years upon years ago. So don't be so hard on yourself, you will do just fine!

You don't have to agree with my advice, but I would think you might agree that practical advice for the OP is somewhat better than a few rounds of "ain't it awful" and some virtual hugs. But it sounds as if you could NOT care less whether or not the preceptor wants to be in the role. It would be absolutely wonderful if every newbie could have a dedicated preceptor who loved to teach, was good at it, and had a wealth of experience and expertise to pass on. Unfortunately, there are not enough of those wonderful preceptors to go around. Some orientees have to deal with the reality of imperfect, human preceptors instead. Since the OP cannot change the preceptor's outlook or behavior, she should focus on what she CAN change: her own attutde and approach.

Your outrage at the preceptor is misplaced. The preceptor is probably not on this thread.

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 31, 2015

Sounds to me like Ruby Vee would be a bully nurse herself and condones this type of behavior towards new nurses.

You don't know enough about me (or anyone else on AN) to know if I'm a bully or not, but the odds are that I'm not since true bullies are actually pretty rare. You should know, though, that if you go looking for something bad you WILL find it. Even if it really isn't there.

TIB217 · May 31, 2015

I usually stay out of these conversations, I feel like it's unnecessary to add to the ridicule and negativity. But after reading this thread I have to respond and say that no matter if you enjoy precepting or not, our profession demands that we treat people with dignity - even those we work with. This new nurse asked for advice - not ridicule. So not every person is as desensitized to the negativity on the floor as you may be, but it's no reason to talk down to them - or to anyone for that matter. She's right - her preceptor and her nurse manager are unprofessional. She's asking how to handle it within her work place, she's not asking anyone to analyze her emotional state or criticize her expectations for being treated with some kind of decency. Sure - there may have been some truth to what you say - but your delivery, well, frankly, it sucks. And eventually, this new nurse will navigate her own way through this situation and through numerous future situations that will no doubt develop her nursing philosophy in life. We're here to support nurses and help her find her own way - not to tell her how to handle life OUR way.

Absolutely flabbergasted at how people speak to one another on here.

NightOwlPsyRN · May 31, 2015

You don't have to agree with my advice, but I would think you might agree that practical advice for the OP is somewhat better than a few rounds of "ain't it awful" and some virtual hugs. But it sounds as if you could NOT care less whether or not the preceptor wants to be in the role. It would be absolutely wonderful if every newbie could have a dedicated preceptor who loved to teach, was good at it, and had a wealth of experience and expertise to pass on. Unfortunately, there are not enough of those wonderful preceptors to go around. Some orientees have to deal with the reality of imperfect, human preceptors instead. Since the OP cannot change the preceptor's outlook or behavior, she should focus on what she CAN change: her own attutde and approach.
Your outrage at the preceptor is misplaced. The preceptor is probably not on this thread.

Even if you don't like precepting, if a shadow is assigned to you by a supervisor, guess what...it's your job! So if anyone should be sucking it up, it should be the preceptor. Having a nasty attitude about it because it isn't your cup of tea, like I said, accomplishes nothing except for create a more hostile work environment.

Ain't nobody got time fo' dat!

The only time I think it isn't appropriate for someone to precept is if they themselves are a brand new nurse with insufficient knowledge/experience to adequately train a new hire.