Please Help: Should I Pursue My Passion? Being a Nurse With Bad Anxiety/Depression and more....

[Amanda J]

Hi, everyone. I am in desperate need of some input, advice or support.

I am making a career change, but struggling a little with some feedback I received from my primary care doctor. I had mentioned that I was nervous about seeing a psychiatrist because I was afraid of the results and how that might impact my future goals (my primary care doctor recently directed me to see a psychiatrist so that I could get diagnosed and put on a treatment plan). Her medication, Lexapro and Paxil, and other medications in the past, Zoloft, Prozac and Wellbutrin have not worked. She responded to my concern basically saying that it isn't about what I want, it is more so that I simply can't be in those jobs (with a history of mental health). So backstory, I am currently taking prereqs in hopes of applying to nursing school in a couple of years once those requirements are met. My initial bachelors was not very science heavy, so I am taking my time as to not overwhelm myself. It is no surprise to me that I have struggled with mental illness for most of my life and I know I need to get myself healthy before I embark on this new journey. I'm not sure she meant harm by it, but it really discouraged me and made me upset. I had mentioned that I thought I was Bipolar (she doesn't believe I am since antidepressants usually heightens Bipolar symptoms) and that I watched a show that mentioned Intermittent Explosive Disorder and how I believed I had something similar. I told her that I sometimes get angry at my husband for a chore that isn't done properly, but never indicated any sign of domestic abuse or anything like that. Again, I haven't been diagnosed and this was a Netflix show, nothing serious. I was simply confiding in her and felt comfortable opening up.

Basically, I am required to see a psychiatrist and nervous for the results. I am sure there are plenty of nurses with severe depression and anxiety, but what if I find out I have something more severe in addition to those two? Borderline Personality Disorder, Intermittent Explosive Disorder? Something involving anger management?

I want to add I have no criminal record whatsoever, I have never been terminated from a job or had behavioral issues at school or work. I have never suffered from substance abuse issues and I rarely drink alcohol. My coping mechanism is food.

Honestly, if you didn't know me that well, you would think I was healthy and happy. I have no hallucinations, I know I'm not schizophrenic or a narcissist, I'm just afraid of Borderline.

Sooo...if I take these steps to get treated by a psychiatrist and spend the next couple of years finishing my prereqs and getting healthy, will the BON in my state (I know it varies, but VA and CA are most feasible) deny me? I will be honest, I don't want to go through with schooling another 4+ years and accumulate more student debt if this isn't an option for me. It is a passion of mine and I believe it would help my overall well being, a purpose. I know I've had this calling for a while, but never pursued it because I wasn't confident in my abilities. Please, any help appreciated!

[kbrn2002, ADN, RN]

As long as you are comfortable enough physically, mentally and financially to start this journey I say go for it as you sound pretty determined that this is the right path for you. You'll never know if you can do it if you don't at least try.

That being said, nothing about nursing school or nursing as a profession is low stress. It's difficult all around and not all who start this journey succeed. Frankly not all should. So if you find yourself in a downward spiral be aware of it and be strong enough to stop before you do yourself real damage. Telling you take it slow when things get tough and they will won't be effective, it's by nature a pretty fast paced environment and if you find you need too many accommodations to survive school the odds of you surviving a work environment are slim at best.

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

I'd be cautious to pursue nursing. For sure get your mental health stabilized first consider both meds and therapy. Nursing is simply not what it used to be, there is so much more stress from increased patient acuity and worsening working conditions due to corporations taking over healthcare.

While this affects everyone in healthcare, nurses are the most hard hit because we are expected to take up the slack for all the over support staff's work on top of our own!

I would encourage you to take care of yourself first. Learn about personal finance and make sure you won't be in too much student loan debt if you go back. But since you are in the military perhaps that won't be a problem since they offer tuition reimbursement. Lastly consider alternative health care jobs such as ultrasound tech, physical therapist etc. I suggest that because you have one defined job and aren't expected to do everyone else's job. Also you won't be the one with the most stress, life and death decision making and happy customer press ganey expectations.

Whatever you do, keep your medical info, including mental health diagnoses and treatment to yourself. I wouldn't volunteer any info to the BON or any board. They may penalize you to the point of refusing to let you take the NCLEX or make you go thru a "diversion" program with drug testing even though you aren't abusing drugs or alcohol and put stipulations on your license making it must harder to find a job. I say this because others have posted about having these issues after admitting mental health problems such as inpatient hospitalization for drug overdose or attempted suicide. If you are not a danger to yourself or others it is none of their business!

[andreasmom02]

On 7/28/2019 at 12:55 PM, Snatchedwig said:

Nursing school itself is quite an emotional experience. I felt like every day was the worst day of my life....every single day. You would stay for weeks studying intensely only to walk out of an exam with like a 70. I graduated nursing school two times, for practical nursing and later professional nursing.

I felt like I lost my mind every semester. Do you have a good support system? That would be a source of stability for you.

Yep, this! ☝️

[Hoosier_RN, MSN]

8 hours ago, Imustbedreaming said:

Again, these role expectations need to be defined thoroughly before taking students' money for tuition to become a nurse - during the approval process.

Schools are in business to make money, even non-profits. This means it's up to future students to research. That's an adult expectation-to know about the career you are pursuing, be it nursing, ditch digger or librarian. These expectations are outlined in detail when you have your nursing school orientation seminar, once accepted to the program.

[andreasmom02]

I myself have suffered with anxiety for years... Not really depression, but anxiety and panic attacks. I think its genetic, everyone in my family on my mom's side has or had it... I had anxiety in LPN school as well... Honestly, I'm going to agree with the others and say, nursing school might not be a good fit until your anxiety is WELL under control. The studying & clinicals combined is EXTREMELY tiring & will just about give you a nervous breakdown in themselves! I was on 50 mg of Zoloft during nursing school for my anxiety. I gained 50 lbs. while on it, and tried to wean off while I was still in LPN school to lose weight. Big mistake, my anxiety came back full force & I could barely take my nursing exams & was so stressed out. So I stayed on the Zoloft until I graduated LPN school in '07 and then weaned off & lost the weight. The Zoloft did help me get through school, but I had gained so much weight on it I felt awful during my clinicals due to lack of energy. I am now on Atarax & Buspar for anxiety, which has caused no weight gain. Anyway, my point is: if you go to nursing school, make sure to get on the right meds first & get your mental health under control. Otherwise, your setting yourself up for more stress, & the possibility of not doing well academically... I barely passed nursing school, while studying 35 hours a week, going to every clinical and trying my best. Good luck & best wishes!

[brandy1017, ASN, RN]

11 hours ago, Hoosier_RN said:

Schools are in business to make money, even non-profits. This means it's up to future students to research. That's an adult expectation-to know about the career you are pursuing, be it nursing, ditch digger or librarian. These expectations are outlined in detail when you have your nursing school orientation seminar, once accepted to the program.

For profits have been known to lie to the point of telling people with criminal records they could get a job in police work or nursing. Especially with for profits they only care about sucking people into the system using their "pain points" as a whistleblower to the industry once revealed!

[Imustbedreaming]

I went through orientation and I did not see anything about giving serious thought to the current nursing environment (which is only getting worse) or issues involving a student's diagnosis of anxiety or depression (or any behavioral problem) and how these would affect your future employment/financial future as an RN or APRN or DPN. There was a list of criminal activities that will cancel out a career as RN. Also, this information should be given BEFORE orientation- in the application packet or on the school's website. There is a lot of info not given especially in light of nursing school being different than actual practice (which is constantly changing - do more with less). Nursing is vastly different than most professions/trades.

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

Nurse who are deeply depressed and need care are out on medical leave and some never return.Knowing your troubles I don't know how insurable you are,nurses get sued too.Your brain can not be foggy and unfocused,there are less stressful areas but you must have some experience to apply for them.School and a career in this field are pressure cookers.Unfortunately nurses can hit bottom like any other human but getting dragged out kicking and screaming because you are no longer in control of yourself ,does not make for a good resume.Think it over,safer to do volunteer work.

 

[RuralMOSchoolRN, ADN, RN]

On 7/28/2019 at 3:10 PM, Snatchedwig said:

Yes! I told myself I can't do this from algebra to medsurg. Done tho!

My first month of training in a level one ED--I cried in my car every day.  

To the poster--there are so many facets to nursing.  If you continue to do well in your treatment and prereqs then of course go ahead and try nursing school.  BUT be aware there are certain units that will be high anxiety and others that will be lower.  ED, ICU, OR are all pretty high stress places to be nursing.  But nursing at your local Health Department, being a school nurse, clinic nurse, and some med/surg floors are less stress and more predictable.  

If you already have a Bachelor's degree in another field, I would suggest utilizing community college to get your LPN and then your ADN/RN.  Unless you want to continue up the ladder getting a BSN just lengthens time in school.