Plans Made for You, but Not Discussed with You First

Nurses General Nursing

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

I'm specifically looking for what you would do if you are unable to care for yourself, but do have your full mental capacity, and live alone?

When I was hospitalized in 2003 with a PE & Steroid induced myopathy, the nurses were discussing whether or not to ask the doc to make an order to put me in a nursing home. Having worked there during clinicals, I saw how the residents were jerked around, and herded like cattle into the showers in the shower chair without their having anything to say about it at all, and I noticed a resident sitting in her wheelchair in the TV room, looking at the TV, but not watching it. She had such a sad, hopeless expression on her face.

When I was much younger, it was different because we nurses aides who wanted to, were allowed to create activities for the residents, and that did brighten their days a bit. I wrote a monthly newspaper for them, I always targeted 4 different people to make up a poem about their activities. I called the column, "Life Begins at 80" I also created a mens' club called, the Cracker Barrel Club" where the men would talk about the things they did in their earlier years. I always brought a show and tell item for us to talk about, etc. Another aide and I put on shows for them and decorated the place for the holidays.

You don't see that anymore. How very sad. And I have made it very clear to my family that I in no way want to be put in a place like that. You lose your freedom, your identity, and you don't get to choose when to go out or what to do. This is something that has been on my mind for a very long time, and it is a real concern for me.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Oh Fran - I don't have a wonderful idea. However, I want you to know how much of a valued member you are here! I'm a case manager in a big ER - perhaps you could explore the options for yourself and find a nice continuum of care place? Here, we have several - you buy into them and they provide perpetual care: you start off in independent living, then (if necessary) advance to assisted living and finally (only if there are no other options), you go to their nursing home. Because everyone is private pay, there is very good incentive to keep patients out of the nursing home, since that is the most expensive to run. In my area - they are very very nice places. Please take care of yourself.

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This has become a concern for me also as over the past year I have been plagued by health problems making it impossible for me to work.After many recent years spent working in LTC I ,too, have many reservations about being cared for in one of these institutions, for exactly the same reasons you have mentioned.Heaven forbid being dragged out of bed at some ungodly hour to be showered.Or sitting around having been incontinent because it isn't time for me to be toileted.Or having to swallow food wholus bolus and being whisked away without having had my fluids from the dining

room.Tossed into bed, lights off when it suits the staff.No thanks, not for me.Just hope my kids look after me at home when the time comes, as I did for my mother.

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Specializes in Hemodialysis, Home Health.
Oh Fran - I don't have a wonderful idea. However, I want you to know how much of a valued member you are here! I'm a case manager in a big ER - perhaps you could explore the options for yourself and find a nice continuum of care place? Here, we have several - you buy into them and they provide perpetual care: you start off in independent living, then (if necessary) advance to assisted living and finally (only if there are no other options), you go to their nursing home. Because everyone is private pay, there is very good incentive to keep patients out of the nursing home, since that is the most expensive to run. In my area - they are very very nice places. Please take care of yourself.

Sounds good to me as well.. and there ARE some good places out there ! You just have to really do your homework.

We are ALl going to be facing this sooner or later... I do feel for ya, Fran. :icon_hug:

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Specializes in Med-Surg, Trauma, Ortho, Neuro, Cardiac.

Are you're kids able to care for you if you become 100% incapacitated? If not, as mentioned above, it might not hurt to find a place that would be acceptable as a last resort.

Don't get angry at the nureses. Often we discuss it among ourselves before suggesting it to the doctor, or the social worker, since we're the ones caring for you and know what you can and can not do. Naturally, you should have been included. Perhaps they sincerely had your best interests at heart.

Good luck to you!

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

I've made it exceedingly clear to all my family and friends that I will be ready to die about 5 seconds after my feet cross the nursing-home threshold. :stone

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

Thank you all for your replies.

Trauma, we have them here too, but I, nor my children are in a financial position to do that.

MJ, Me too! BIG TIME!!!!!!

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

The other option Fran might be to invest in a Medicare supplement. We have a product that our hospital sells that is a Medicare supplement but it DOES pay for nursing home care. I'm unsure how expensive it is.

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Specializes in LTC, sub-acute, urology, gastro.

Fran - I feel for you. I too would never want to be placed in LTC even if I didn't have full mental capacity...as the above poster said, this is something we're all going to face one day, but I'm so sorry this is happening to you now. Good luck

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..

Thank you, all. I appreciate your comments. I know you care.

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Specializes in Education, Acute, Med/Surg, Tele, etc.

Choose carefully if you are considering assisted living...once you get in, they don't let you out very often and the complexity of care for residents is increasing so much, that now I too do not have time to do the extras I use to do to make my patients days brighter..there is just not enough staff or time...and it is killing me!

Assisted living facilities may look nice, they may win you over by looks, and said 'services' they provide. BUT take a deeper look...see how many nurses are actually on floor and when, look at the ratio of CNA's or unlicensed care givers to patients, heck..look into whether or not you even get to choose your own MEALS! (my residents do not, nor can they ask for a room tray without practically loosing a limb!!!!! It is sooooooo sad! Talk about loosing all independance!..not to be able to ask for an egg instead of oatmeal at breakfast..my goodness!).

Just a general warning..for everyone that may be thinking of assisted living..look very deep..looks can be decieving!

But yes, I do hear you Fran, and in working in this population as well I too fear choices will be made for me without my consent or wish! You see it daily at work, can't help but take that part home and reflect on it...especially at times when you yourself are ill and this becomes a close reality. Use your wonderful skills to make good choices now, before someone makes them for you. Have them written down, do the research...I find a prepared mind is a good thing :).

Greatest of luck to you...you are a sweet kind wonderful spirit, and very pleased to see your posts and cheery personality when I log in here :)

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Specializes in LTC, CPR instructor, First aid instructor..
Choose carefully if you are considering assisted living...once you get in, they don't let you out very often and the complexity of care for residents is increasing so much, that now I too do not have time to do the extras I use to do to make my patients days brighter..there is just not enough staff or time...and it is killing me!

Assisted living facilities may look nice, they may win you over by looks, and said 'services' they provide. BUT take a deeper look...see how many nurses are actually on floor and when, look at the ratio of CNA's or unlicensed care givers to patients, heck..look into whether or not you even get to choose your own MEALS! (my residents do not, nor can they ask for a room tray without practically loosing a limb!!!!! It is sooooooo sad! Talk about loosing all independance!..not to be able to ask for an egg instead of oatmeal at breakfast..my goodness!).

Just a general warning..for everyone that may be thinking of assisted living..look very deep..looks can be decieving!

But yes, I do hear you Fran, and in working in this population as well I too fear choices will be made for me without my consent or wish! You see it daily at work, can't help but take that part home and reflect on it...especially at times when you yourself are ill and this becomes a close reality. Use your wonderful skills to make good choices now, before someone makes them for you. Have them written down, do the research...I find a prepared mind is a good thing :).

Greatest of luck to you...you are a sweet kind wonderful spirit, and very pleased to see your posts and cheery personality when I log in here :)

Thank you for your kind words. They gave me a lift.
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