Pet Peeve Friday

[SaltineQueen]

Let's vent a bit. I'm having trouble readjusting to reality after a wonderful Spring Break and am finding my patience wearing down a little quicker than the school year.

I'll start:

Cell phone voice mail that's either not set up or is full. I don't get people that do this... How are you not accessible when you're away from your kids in case of emergency?

[kidzcare]

Mr Nurse, I agree completely that the classroom model is set up in regards to a female temperament. Boys do not have the attention span to sit still and pay attention and we are medicating to force them to do so. My SIL homeschools her 7th grade son for this very reason and I commend her for that. I kinda hate "straight-jacketing" my spirited boys with Ritalin and Adderall so they conform to an expected role in the classroom. But I don't think this has anything to do with dress code. A girl's skort length doesn't cause a boy to rape her later in life. And if girls are lined up and tape measured, so should the boys be.

Agreed. The topics are both important, but unrelated.

[kidzcare]

I don't think I'm getting my point across appropriately.

I am in a private Christian (Baptist) school where a uniform is required. There are no micro-minis, thongs or cleavage issues. Our girls are wearing very modest khaki skorts and polos that, if left completely unbuttoned, might reveal an inch of skin between the clavicles.

My issue is that middle school girls are lined up and a teacher brings a tape measure and measures the distance between the top of her knee and the bottom of her skirt. If that distance is greater than 3" she is given a "uniform violation" and sent to me for a skort of "decent length." This is all while the boys are in class learning. This is absolute ridiculousness to me. This is an act of shaming as my daughter has described in her own words. She hates it.

In a faculty meeting just a few weeks ago, our (thankfully interim) principal stated that females are responsible with our dress for ensuring that males do not have impure thoughts and deeds. I had to pick my jaw up off the floor and considered withdrawing my daughter at that very moment if not for the hope that the principal would be gone soon and a MUCH better one would replace her. My daughter only has one more year left and I'd hate to pull her in her last year of middle school.

I grew up in public school but I also grew up in the South and was in the local Baptist church everytime the doors were open. I was raised with this idea that women were to keep their mouths shut and smiling while men were to be in control. You were to always show respect at all times to those in authority. When my family physician sexually assaulted me as a teenager I had NO idea what to do. So I did nothing except assume it was somehow my fault. I kept it a secret for 25 years. And when I finally told my family LAST YEAR, they still victim blamed me. My husband and my parents still found a way to turn it around and tell me how I did it all wrong. My parents still see this doctor as their primary physician and my dad told me he forgave me for sharing my story.

So, perhaps you understand where I'm coming from now? I absolutely preach modesty with my daughter and do the same with my girls at school. That's one of the reasons I've had her in a Christian school since Kindergarten. But I also believe in equality. No, I do not want to see girls in hot pants, micro-minis and thongs. I believe we should respects ourselves and each other. But respecting each other means treating one another equally and not placing our males on a pedestal as right-wing Conservatives have a tendency to do.

Mr Nurse, I agree completely that the classroom model is set up in regards to a female temperament. Boys do not have the attention span to sit still and pay attention and we are medicating to force them to do so. My SIL homeschools her 7th grade son for this very reason and I commend her for that. I kinda hate "straight-jacketing" my spirited boys with Ritalin and Adderall so they conform to an expected role in the classroom. But I don't think this has anything to do with dress code. A girl's skort length doesn't cause a boy to rape her later in life. And if girls are lined up and tape measured, so should the boys be.

I am so sorry for what you went through.

[MrNurse(x2), ADN]

I disagree. Very, very strongly. It's insulting to men to say they cannot control themselves. There are cultures/tribes where men and women alike walk around barely covered and it is in no way sexual.

To say that a man cannot control his sexual urges likens him to be no better more in control of himself than a dog near a female in heat. A mature man can see a woman that he is attracted to (covered or not) and gawk or grab. The same disgusting stereotype is all over movies and sitcoms that portray an inept man/father who's parenting screw ups are met with an eye roll and a quick fix by a disproportionately attractive and unnervingly forgiving spouse.

At what point do we draw the line? We cannot tell our girls to cover, cover, cover and then say "Well, what was she wearing?" when a woman is raped.

Society reeks of "boys will be boys" mentality when we give a rapist 3 months in jail and elect a man as president who boasts about sexually assaulting women (and laughed off accusations of raping his wife because "you can't rape your wife")

That was my point. Not all men are that piggish, but,as you pointed out, Hollywood is probably the biggest offender and producer of this mindset. In no way is it an acceptable excuse. I also find the way I hear some men talk to women as totally uncool, as entitled to their bodies, again, Hollywood perpetuates.

[kidzcare]

That was my point. Not all men are that piggish, but,as you pointed out, Hollywood is probably the biggest offender and producer of this mindset. In no way is it an acceptable excuse. I also find the way I hear some men talk to women as totally uncool, as entitled to their bodies, again, Hollywood perpetuates.

Right! So the answer is NOT to say "Well, men (or some men) are like that!" But rather, we need to hold these men accountable for their words/actions by calling them out every. single. time.

Every time an unenlightened though well intentioned father tells his son to "man up," we need to remind him that by saying that, he is saying that the "man" is the better thing to act like. Every time some douche gives a numerical rating to a woman's looks to his bros, we need to say "That's not cool, man. She's a person, not a number." Every time we see a man tell his son that he should not play with a doll because it is "girly" we need to remind him that men and women take care of babies and that kids can play with what ever the heck they want to.

[QuackPack]

Again, Im not a school nurse.

But Wow! IF no one else can reach me and my husband 24 hours a day its the people who are in charge of our kids, or our kids or the school etc.. ALWAYS!!!

We have phones set to search if one rings and gets no answer it keeps going til it finds a human.

Literally there is never a time we could not be reached in regards to our child.

We have a college aged child now and it still holds true. Text, phone, you name it all hours of the day or night the calls will come through.

The idea behind emergency contacts is that.. They are there in an emergency

I dont know how to explain what I am reading here as far as parents annoyed you called or called too much etc..

I mean would they prefer you dont call? Seems like a no win situation.

[tining, BSN, RN]

I am glad my son has been attending all boy's schools since 4th grade now in 9th. Nothing to look at here guys, and thanks Mr. Nurse for the interesting data about feminizing schools. I was sold on the program being geared to how boys learn. At both schools there was also the component of being a gentleman, brotherhood, & integrity integrated into the curriculum. Unfortunately in elem & middle school the boys had a white polo as dress code. Boys + white = just gross.

[kidzcare]

Boys + white = just gross.

Truth! White shirts do not stay white around my son or my daughters!

[cooties_are_real]

Nose, Lip, and male ear piercings. You sign that you read and understand the Student hand book, so why should you get to be special and walk around out of dress code?

Snowflake come into the office for floss. Told her to remove nose piercing. She said okay and just stood there. I would not give her the floss until she removed the piercing. Snottily she said, "if it is going to kill you" and she pulled it out. Gave her the floss and she probably had it back in before she got 3 steps out my door.

And this is one reason why I am look at possibly moving to the elementary level if an opening becomes available.

On the other hand, I really don't care where they have a piercing. It does not hinder their learning. It just hasn't been changed in the handbook. Some one please position the school board to change the policy or something.

[OldDude]

When I read such ping pong type threads I usually add some sarcastic, chauvinistic, comment; Not here. NanaPoo...thank you for sharing your horrific experience. I'm sure every time you recall the experience it brings you pain anew but I'm positive you've transformed that into doing good for those around you and parented in a way to teach truth and moral righteousness.

Before my Sweet Petunia would agree to marry me she said she had to tell me about her past. I told her that wasn't necessary. She insisted and proceeded to tell me about repeated childhood violations by her biological father. I vividly remember that as I listened to her recount the horror I felt nauseous, disgusted, and on a level...ashamed and somewhat guilty for just being a man. She thought she was damaged goods and said she would understand if I changed my mind about wanting to marry her. Oh my GOD! I couldn't utter a response so I just grabbed hold of her and I've yet to let go. She too transformed her unthinkable experiences into spreading good to everyone she comes into contact with and has taught, and teaches, our 4 boys and 1 girl, to respect themselves and respect others, be kind, and do good. Sometimes they step out of line but it's our job, as parents, to get them back onto the right path.

So as I read the previous statements, all legitimate I say, where has "parenting" gone. Dress codes and conduct rules can't put the genie back into the bottle. It's the foundation formed during children's development that shapes and molds them into the adolescent/teenager/adult they become. Where has parenting gone? This is my pet peeve...not just on Friday but every day! TGIF!

[NanaPoo]

Bingo, Old Dude. You're one of the good ones.

[No Stars In My Eyes]

People who talk down to others, especially to children.

I have a family member who has always been supercilious and pompous, who talks down. STILL, all these years later, I would love to kick that person in the shins!

[Nurse in MT]

CPS calls. Ugh.

I know it's my job as a mandatory reporter, but I always feel guilty, even when I KNOW it's in the child's best interest.