With some of the things patients say, Nurses sometimes wonder if they are on a hidden camera TV show! Weird, wacky or even touching, those phrases stick with us. Think of your favorite thing a patient has said, submit it in the comments below and you'll be entered to win a $250 amazon.com gift card!
Winner will be announced May 16, 2017
UPDATE June 5, 2017
The winner of the $250 amazon.com gift card for favorite thing a patient has said from allnurses.com is user jndmj30 for:
"That's the first time I've kissed a girl in 10 years, now I am cocaine positive" "I'm gonna kill her". Says the guy who is coming to the pain management clinic to get his OxyContin and Soma..... right after we drug tested him 😒😒
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
I won't fall 🤣
This post is soooo true, and I have heard just those very words I don't know how many times in all my years in the biz. Good grief! And, inevitably . . .
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
He a female patient 98 yr old yelling like she was dying, went to see what was wrong. She replied" get it out! Hurry! I ask what she was referring to, she said I'm having a baby, hurry get it out!
It is truly amazing how many 90+ y. o. ladies go into labor and are about to give birth!
Three male nurses were moving a middle aged, morbidly obese patient with Fournier's gangrene (mostly affecting his scrotum).
As they started easing him into a chair, he howls out in pain and bellows "UP UP UP, I'M SITTIN' ON MUH NUTS". Had to pretend I was charting so they couldn't see how hard I was silently laughing. Pretty sure I cried a little. He also sat splay-legged all day and wanted us to get a fan to blow in between his legs.
Same patient/his wife later regaled me with several tales about how the wife's step-brother was constantly hitting on her/trying to seduce her...
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
When I was doing weekend HH visits I had to go to a small house with small windows and no A/C, to take care of a bedbound patient with multiple bedsores, a foley, chronic constipation, and because he was quite contracted, yeast in the folds where skin touched skin. It was always a lengthy visit and by the time I was through I was drenched with sweat. At the end of one visit I remarked that I always did this visit last because otherwise I would have to carry some dry underwear to change into when I was through.
The following weekend my patient smilingly pulled out from under his covers, a bag containing an underwear-set of bright yellow stretchy cotton bra and bikini panties.
I had an older lady tell me this when taking her to the restroom during the night. Come to find out that she was claiming me the term for whore from back way back in the day.
Adorable little old lady comes in, hissing and spitting mad, calmed down a little by joking about my hair, but still threatening staff members, so we gave meds, which of course went over like a lead balloon. Told her what I was giving her before I gave it, but apparently she was distracted, afterwards she goes:
"Whatever you gave me, can I get some more?"
thirty minutes later, doing the H&P on her, I'm giving her food, and just chatting with her, asking questions
"I know what you're doing... you're trying to get the goods on me... well I ain't talking!... Oooo frosted flakes.... what was that you were saying dear?"
Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
Three male nurses were moving a middle aged, morbidly obese patient with Fournier's gangrene (mostly affecting his scrotum).
As they started easing him into a chair, he howls out in pain and bellows "UP UP UP, I'M SITTIN' ON MUH NUTS". Had to pretend I was charting so they couldn't see how hard I was silently laughing. Pretty sure I cried a little. He also sat splay-legged all day and wanted us to get a fan to blow in between his legs.
Same patient/his wife later regaled me with several tales about how the wife's step-brother was constantly hitting on her/trying to seduce her...
Tried to help a very elderly old man to slide off the exam table; I did not know he had no underwear on and the paper protector had slid over so his bare bottom was on bare steel. Sweat had formed between him and the exam table, so instead of sliding easily, he didn't slide at all. I tried to help him move forward and he suddenly yelled/snarled at me, "WHADDYA TRYIN' TO DO, CASTRATE ME?!!!" I jumped!
I felt so bad for him, because I didn't know the 'package' had not moved when the rest of him did, and was dragged back and under him further. I don't blame him a bit for being mad, I'm sure it hurt! But WOW was he PI$$ED off!
An elderly gentleman was getting ready to go back for tumor removal from his bladder. This procedure in done through the genitals and he was pretty nervous. When the OR nurse came in to take him back to surgery she asked if he had any questions before they went back. He leaned up, motioned for her to come closer and said "now don't you girls start giggling when you get down there!" Her face was priceless and his wife nearly choked!
HuniBunny
1 Post
"That's the first time I've kissed a girl in 10 years, now I am cocaine positive" "I'm gonna kill her". Says the guy who is coming to the pain management clinic to get his OxyContin and Soma..... right after we drug tested him 😒😒