Patient Yelled At Me And I Feel Stupid

[RowRN_8855]

I'm just feeling really down on myself and like I'm a bad nurse. I dealt with a grumpy patient who was a nurse at a different facility. Therefore, since I'm a new grad I couldn't really hide much of my inexperience because she knew what was going on. She had to use the bathroom as she has urge incontinence, but her roommate was in the bathroom. Thinking that she was going to go right that minute and she would be very upset if she urinated on her clothing (she was about to be discharged), I grabbed the closest thing to me - the wash basin. She grabbed it, yelled "this isn't a bedpan!" And threw it across the room. Luckily another nurse brought me a fracture bedpan after that. Then the pt asked me how long I'd been a nurse and if I'd ever seen a bedpan before. To be honest, in the moment I just reacted and grabbed the first thing I could think of. The patient already intimidated me and I didn't want her get more upset by not being able to hold it and urinate on herself. It was very embarrassing and I now feel incredibly stupid and like I'm an incompetent nurse. I know I need to develop thick skin, but I guess I'm just looking for tips on how to not think about it over and over and how to stop these feelings of inadequacy. 

[matthewandrew, NP]

Hard feelings to have but you are new. Honestly I just compartmentalize. I pull that embarrassment I’m feeling and pretend to throw it away. Learn from it and move on. These experiences will make you a strong, independent nurse. You got this.  

[newnursewhodiis]

@row.nurse.row  so I am a newgrad as well, however I have 12 years of corporate/HR experience. People like this are everywhere. You had good intentions. The way people respond has more to do about them than you. This is true in all aspects of life. Next time, now since you have had this experience, you can hand whatever is closest over and state here is this as a back up but I am going to try to find you a bedpan- be right back. 

I am braving myself to have thick skin because we will be servicing people on their worst days. Just remember you reacted with a good heart, and you are competent.  

[vintagegal, BSN, DNP, RN, NP]

Remember, you are not obligated to answer any question. 
I once had someone tell me “you look like you’ve had a hard life”. 
without skipping a beat, I changed the subject to them. People like to talk about themselves. You don’t have to answer anybody’s questions, especially when it comes to experience. You wouldn’t be allowed to take care of patients if you didn’t have the skill set. Who cares about a basin? Think of everything you’ve already done for the patient- piggy backs, wound care, assessments, med admin, SBARs, charting. Let it roll off like water off a duck.

[amoLucia]

Just to ask (and prob make you laugh) how do you think a female would urinate in a washbasin??? I realize you meant well ... and in the spur of the moment... But let's be real. 

The basin would just be rocking and prob spill, even if it managed to catch any urine. And her tush would just be sitting in a puddle of urine (IF it fit!).

Like I said, you meant well. But that would be one realllly silly option to try.

Just let the situation pass. There will surely be many more grumpy, grouchy pts to come along.

[Leader25, ASN, BSN, RN]

Either you develope the thick skin or change specialty.There will always be crazy,mean,or very sick irritable patients., and their families .Some use to threaten to kill us,some did try after a doc refused them a cigarette.Sorry this happen to you .Learn to step back,call security or whatever you need to protect yourself,never  turn your back,after the yelling hitting is next.Best of luck.

[PoodleBreath]

Nothing happens in a vacuum. You were most likely the most available target on this patient's long list of gripes, grievances, and inappropriate anger issues that started long before you entered the picture, most likely, long before she was in the facility. This is a patient with behaviors, whether she is a nurse or says she's a nurse has no bearing on you as a nurse, or as a human being. Hang steady!

[payitforward]

You have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to be embarrassed about! Hey you adapted to the situation and considering the alternative ( her urinating on herself) I think you did good. Remember, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. Hold you held up and continue. From the sound of it she was probably an old bully anyway.

[londonflo]

When I left the room, I would have ordered a bedside commode for her....If she has such an urge to go that she needs an immediate solution, this would be the solution....and if she refused it (because ..if she has any friends who visit. ..) I would then understand that to her...appearances are everything...she is that shallow, haughty or rigid.

On 11/26/2021 at 9:33 AM, matthewandrew said:

Hard feelings to have but you are new. Honestly I just compartmentalize. I pull that embarrassment I’m feeling and pretend to throw it away.

My hair stylist taught me to "return bad feelings to the ground" similar to what you said above. I had forgotten about that until I read your post. Thank you. I will once again when stressed about something I did/didn't  do I will point my fingers to the floor and 'return those feelings into the earth". 

[londonflo]

On 11/21/2021 at 11:23 AM, Davey Do said:

In every encounter with every individual, if we apply that concept of love or fear, we can understand the emotion behind the behavior. If we understand the emotion that triggered the behavior, we can better deal with the individual.

 

On 11/21/2021 at 11:23 AM, Davey Do said:

All any of us need  in any difficult situation is only to be understood and our feelings validated.

Davey Do, Your comments are always so insightful. I learn so much from you. You calmly explain human behavior, with examples that make me feel so much better with dealing with life in general.  Thank you!

[Orca, ADN, ASN, RN]

If this is the biggest mistake that you make in your career, consider yourself blessed. From the sound of it, you encountered someone who is angry and demanding. Throwing the basin is not a sign of someone who is rational or in control. If she loses it over something that minor, it's more about her than you.

[Davey Do]

14 hours ago, londonflo said:

 

Davey Do, Your comments are always so insightful. I learn so much from you. You calmly explain human behavior, with examples that make me feel so much better with dealing with life in general.  Thank you!

And I, in turn, appreciate the feedback on my perceptions, londonflo!

To give a little more insight, human behavior, like any other process, can be systematically understood through recognizing some basic truths and using ourselves as a point of reference.

In this situation, knowing that there are but two basic emotions- love and fear- we know this patient is emotionally responding out of fear. If we use ourselves as the point of reference, we can ask ourselves what is causing this fear. 

In my previous post, I systematically put myself in the patient's place and asked myself what precipitating factors would cause this fear and voila! the factors produced the product.

Again, I thank you, londonflo for your kind words.