Patient made me feel like low life

Published

So the another night I taking care of a pt in the ed where I work. She noticed the tats on my wrist and went on a tangent. Why would you do that. Theyare so ugly. They are five small stars with my families birth stones and it says thanks be to God in Latin. She then said how does the hosp feel about them. I said very nicely as long as I take great care of my pts it doesn't matter. Some ppl just really are terrible. Bad enough I was being treated like her slave, all the while I smiled. Her son was like we don't mean any disrespect, I said that was rude, but evryone is entitled to their own opinion

Specializes in Cardiac.

People are rude & make comments to nurses all the time. You just have to let it roll right off you. I make direct eye connect and ask why they would want to know that & go on with my job. They usually have nothing to say after that.

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Specializes in Telemetry, Med-Surg, ED, Psych.

This reminded me of a situation that happened to me a few years back.

Backround Info - A very dear friend of mine who was tragically killed in the World Trade Center gave me a beautiful crucifix necklace for my birthday a year before she and 3000 other people were murdered. Ever since 9/11, I wear the necklace everyday as a reminder of her love and our deep friendship.

I had a Christian patient that saw it and made some very insulting remarks to me about "worshiping false idols" and some other things.

I told her that she needed to watch what said and who you said it to, and that her comments were very uncalled for. If the tables were turned, How much would she have liked it If I had told her that she must be divorce herself from her marriage to her husbands 5 other wives.

Some people are quick to judge and condemn - But with my necklace, I consider that holy and sacred -

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It is truly said that "To a man with a hammer, every problem looks like a nail."

Our problem as a profession is that we were outfitted to deal with psychosocial problems with only psychobabble theories by our nursing prereqs, and with only smiley-customer-relations crap by our hospital training departments.

In other words, our tool collections are way too skimpy to deal with the spectrum of psychosocial problems our pts present us with.

There is an entire class of useful observations that remain unaddressed by members of polite society because they are politically incorrect, and they are based on the fact is that man is a pack animal. Notice I say "fact" and not "theory."

This patient was running a dominance game on you. She was showing you who was boss by peeing on your fire hydrant. One of the keys to achieving pack dominance is through the use of emotional impact, putting someone down by picking on something personal.

She won. And she didn't win because you were in any way inferior except in your training.

She didn't know that it was to her detriment to win, that the best outcomes for her would be associated with your win. Her pack sense only told her that if she won, you didn't deserve to be in charge of her. Had you won, she would figuratively have rolled over.

There are many things you can do to win. Remember you are on your turf. Play from your strength.

Let's say you were there to assess. Ignore her remark, put a cover on your thermometer probe, and say "Let me take your temperature." She opens her mouth. You won, simple as that. She did what you told her to.

Then you can compliment her on her nail polish. She'll be pleased, and you'll have dominance on the turf she chose. You've nailed down your win.

As a side issue, when pulled into a dominance game, it pays to figure out who the Alpha is. From what you say, it may have been the son. Frequently Alphas, before engaging, will send out a lesser pack member to challenge a newcomer. If the newcomer fails, then it wasn't worth the effort to engage directly.

There's a dizzying variety of ploys, scams and strategies in the dominance game. It's worthy of a lifetime of study, but you get the basic idea.

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Specializes in Critical Care.
OK. When you have visible tats you are drawing attention to yourself. You have them in order to be noticed. So when someone makes negative remarks about them, you need to be able to take it in stride. You need to find some appropriate remarks to deflect the 'rude' aspects.

Why do we wear colorful jewelry, lots of makeup, unusual hairstyles or visible tattoos and then get upset if someone doesn't like it? Even when we, as individuals, enjoy these types of rather harmless self-expression, we need to be prepared for those who are not afraid to comment on them.

I think your real issue here was the overall way they treated you, and the remarks about your tats just hit close to the bone.

OK, I know that my tats make people notice me more, but I did NOT get them in order to be noticed. I got them because every single one of them means something to me. I don't care what other people think about them. None of them are offensive or vulgar and if someone had a problem with them, that THEIR problem not mine. If they are rude enough to think they have the right to comment on them I simply tell them that the art holds special meaning to me and they just wouldn't understand.

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Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
so the another night i taking care of a pt in the ed where i work. she noticed the tats on my wrist and went on a tangent. why would you do that. theyare so ugly. they are five small stars with my families birth stones and it says thanks be to god in latin. she then said how does the hosp feel about them. i said very nicely as long as i take great care of my pts it doesn't matter. some ppl just really are terrible. bad enough i was being treated like her slave, all the while i smiled. her son was like we don't mean any disrespect, i said that was rude, but evryone is entitled to their own opinion

sounds like she was just a miserable person. if it hadn't been your tats she may have commented on your bust size, your race, your abdominal girth, your acne, your choice of professional attire, your absence or presence of a wedding ring, your perceived sexual orientation, your nose hair or your name. it seems everyone feels entitled to make personal observations to and about nurses. don't take it seriously -- it makes a really good story to tell at the next girls night out!

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Wow, stereotype much? I actually have tattoos, and ride a Harley. I am also a 4.0 student with 3 previous degrees currently working on my BSN. The tattoo on my wrist is a dedication to a friend who died, a motivatonal speaker who spent the last 13 years of his life, while dying of cancer, trying to remind people, that words hurt, and words can heal, and one should choose very carefully the words the use, because once spoken, cannot be forgotten.

And the biker "gang"? Yes, indeed, we ride for charitable events, to raise money for children , support families who have lost fathers, mothers, daughters and sons, and to spread the word, that as human beings, we are all in this together. I welcome a comment on the tattoo that is visible, so I can share his words with others. Those who are wishing to comment....feel free, I would love to tell you about Michael

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Specializes in Education and oncology.

Ruby Vee-

Wow, I totally agree with your reply. How anyone can find fault with us (their nurse) of course. Thank you for your wisdom. It's not the tattoo or what we wear or our sexual identity (which should never come in to play as nurses!) But if you have a patient who is angry and struggling- yep. Sometimes we get the brunt of them or their family member's anger. That's why we are professional. I deal with it and stay neutral and supportive.

I'm going to get tattoo but it's taken me 2+ years to decide. This is permanent. So much to think about. Still deciding what to get and location. Sure I think about my career. Personally I have no judgement about those I am in touch with who have tattoos. Of course!

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Specializes in Education and oncology.

tonic01- sure, let us know your update about Michael. Would love to know more. Hang in there.

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i think your tattoos are just fine. they symbolize something greater than what they are.

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Specializes in LTC/Rehab, Med Surg, Home Care.

I personally have never liked tattoos, I just don't think they are attractive. JMHO...but it was rude of the pt.

Despite my dislike of tattoos, I like henna tattoos and the traditional designs. *SHRUGS* what can I say? To each their own?

Oh...and DH recently decided he'd like one, a rorshach template. He thinks it would be funny when ppl ask "What is that?" And he can reply "What do you think it is?" He's a psychologist, therefore crazy, LOL!

Hope the rest of your week is better.

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Specializes in ER/Geriatrics.

In all my years of nursing no patient or family has ever said a thing about my appearance....a lot of it is how I project myself. I introduce myself, I am not overly familiar and I ignore personal comments and bring it back to the patient.

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If the patient has nothing nice to say, then he/she should really say nothing at all. The nurse is not a verbal punching bag or a dumping ground.

Perfectly said!!!

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