Paranoia or Valid Concern, I Don't Know...

[Stephalump]

I have three kids. Two will be in the "real" school this year, and one (my 16 month old) will be starting daycare. Prior to this I've never put one of my little ones in anything more than a Mother's Day Out program for 10 hours a week until preschool age, so I'm already a little freaked out, but pressing foward.

However, at 10 months old, my littlest one started having complex febrile seizures and has since had one every time he has a fever. They usually last 20-30 minutes and are scary as all get-out.He hasn't had any lasting issues, but he has needed medication a couple times, and in March suffered from respiratory failure, ended up being intubated, and had a stay in the ICU.

So, here I am, about to go back to school full time this month, realizing I'm going to be exposing my son to all kinds of nasty germs. He'll probably get sick more often, and probably come down with a fever while he's in someone else's care, and then possibly have a seizure, all while I'm off doing other things, and the thought is making me ill.

Then, if he does get sick at home, of course I couldn't send him anywhere even if I wanted to, but my program isn't fond of students missing class...ever. I've heard some people hire back up babysitters, but I feel a little off handing my sick child to someone else with all the anti-fever care needed and the possibility of an ambulance ride.

So...for the first time, I'm considering giving up my spot in NS that I've been through hell and back to get. Half of me feels like I'm just mentally worn out and I'm overreacting and half of me feels like the worries of leaving my baby wouldn't be worth it. But he may not outgrow this until he's six years old! That's an awfully long time to wait...

Anyone have any thoughts?

[Katie71275]

ONly you can make this decision.

I have 4 kids and I can tell you this...Not once since I entered nursing school have my kids gotten sick.(eh aside from hand foot and mouth lol). If it were me, I wouldn't put my life on hold for "what might could happen".

Make sure that the caretaker understands the implications and knows how to care for him.

[OB-nurse2013, BSN, RN]

Wow I can totally relate. I am always scared and nervous about my kids. Last year was a toughy. My son just started school and was acting out, I think do to all the changes since he started school and had never been away from me and I had the most clinical days in my 3rd semester it was just crazy. I felt guilty for not being able to spend more time with him, his teacher was a b*^%ch so that didn't help. Life was so stressful. I just hope I can make it through my last 2 semesters. We shouldn't miss lecture but if you do, you do. Some teachers have you lose a few points some nothing. I try not to miss but clinicals you can't so that always scares me. My last resort would be to ahve my husband call in and stay home if one of the kids were sick. I don't know if thats possible or not for you. My husband never ever calls in so this would work for him. Either way, I wish you the best. I know people say oh everyone does it, my friend has 6 kids, one arm, one eye, she's single, and gets straight A's blah blah blah realistically its hard because to me I am always a mother and wife first, thats teh most important to me and always will be.

[Nurse Lynette, BSN, RN]

I can totally relate to this! My daughter has an immune system disfunction and has suffered life threatening pneumonia repeatedly as well as MANY other conditions and complications. Daycare is just not an option for her. She will be exposed to way too much and it's just too dangerous for her bc she can't fight it off. Our solution was for my husband to stay home with her. He's been home with her for 2 years now. I work full time and go to school full time (LVN to RN transition) It's rough at times, but we make it work. If something like that isn't an option for you, I'd suggest finding a private sitter that could stay with your child, maybe in your own home. Preferably, one trained in CPR. Is that an option? I hope you figure something out bc NS is such a huge opportunity but our babies come first! I know exactly how you feel. Good luck!!

[ames86]

Have you thought about just hiring a nanny to watch your child at home? It usually doesn't cost anymore than daycare. I know a company were I live has nanny's that you can hire and they do a background checks and everything. Then you don't have to worry about all the germs from the other children.

[Stephalump]

ONly you can make this decision.

I have 4 kids and I can tell you this...Not once since I entered nursing school have my kids gotten sick.(eh aside from hand foot and mouth lol). If it were me, I wouldn't put my life on hold for "what might could happen".

Make sure that the caretaker understands the implications and knows how to care for him.

Well sometimes I REALLY wish someone would just make a decision for me! My husband is great and super supportive, but sometimes that translates into "I don't know, whatever you want to do." when I'm looking for something a little stronger than that.

I definitely agree, living life based on what "could" happen isn't a great way to take risks and get ahead. I guess I've just always been one to put my own stuff waaaaaay on the bottom of the list in lieu of everyone else's needs and now I'm struggling because my baby is definitely of the utmost importance, but I don't want to give up on something I want because I'm overreacting. Argh!!

[Mama_Cashew, ASN, RN]

Well sometimes I REALLY wish someone would just make a decision for me! My husband is great and super supportive, but sometimes that translates into "I don't know, whatever you want to do." when I'm looking for something a little stronger than that.

Sounds like we are married to the same man? Does that "I don't know, whatever you want" burn your rear as much as it does mine?

As for what to do, I would have to agree with a previous poster who said you can't put your life on hold for a "what-if." I would make sure that your daycare provider is CPR certified and that they know what may happen if the little one spikes a fever.

[classicdame, MSN, EdD]

do the children have a father? If so, outline expectations and even write them down if needed. He sounds like he is waiting on you to take the lead, and maybe you have "trained" him that way. This is when he needs to cowboy up (sorry, Texas term). Do what has to be done as your education will benefit the ENTIRE family, not just you.

[OB-nurse2013, BSN, RN]

Well sometimes I REALLY wish someone would just make a decision for me! My husband is great and super supportive, but sometimes that translates into "I don't know, whatever you want to do." when I'm looking for something a little stronger than that.

I definitely agree, living life based on what "could" happen isn't a great way to take risks and get ahead. I guess I've just always been one to put my own stuff waaaaaay on the bottom of the list in lieu of everyone else's needs and now I'm struggling because my baby is definitely of the utmost importance, but I don't want to give up on something I want because I'm overreacting. Argh!!

Do you think that maybe you are just looking for someone to tell you to just do it??

[barbyann]

Mothering and NS is filled with guilt traps. I feel your internal struggle. Here are some points to consider:

1. If you put off NS for a worse case scenario you are setting your self up for never going. There will always be a worst case scenario.

2. Your job as mother is to make sure they are safe and cared for in your absence. Just as a nurse would do you come up with a plan for the caregiver to follow, reheorifice the temp case scenario, get your MDs advice, and know you have done a good job.

3. If you decide the guilt feelings are too strong then maybe just do some night classes of prereq., where you would only be gone from home a shorter period of time. But you would still be moving forward towards your goal.

4. Maybe you can try one month of NS/daycare and see how it goes for all involved. You could then get the real "feel" and see if it is doable. Right now you are trying to make a decision without all the facts. You can drop NS and get at least partial refund (check first).

[Stephalump]

Wow I can totally relate. I am always scared and nervous about my kids. Last year was a toughy. My son just started school and was acting out, I think do to all the changes since he started school and had never been away from me and I had the most clinical days in my 3rd semester it was just crazy. I felt guilty for not being able to spend more time with him, his teacher was a b*^%ch so that didn't help. Life was so stressful. I just hope I can make it through my last 2 semesters. We shouldn't miss lecture but if you do, you do. Some teachers have you lose a few points some nothing. I try not to miss but clinicals you can't so that always scares me. My last resort would be to ahve my husband call in and stay home if one of the kids were sick. I don't know if thats possible or not for you. My husband never ever calls in so this would work for him. Either way, I wish you the best. I know people say oh everyone does it, my friend has 6 kids, one arm, one eye, she's single, and gets straight A's blah blah blah realistically its hard because to me I am always a mother and wife first, thats teh most important to me and always will be.

Well, it's good to hear that you've made your way through the first year! Encouraging for me :)

I guess it's entirely possible for my husband to stay home on clinical days. We need him to work as often as possible since he's our only source of income, but as long as my kids aren't getting sick every week he can take off. He actually works for my mom and stepdad, so I highly doubt he'd get fired for it :)

I don't know why I didn't even think of him staying home...I guess we need to make sure we have a nice rainy day fund so him taking off a few days won't be a huge deal. Thanks :)

[OnMyWay23]

I agree with everyone. You should try it before giving up on going. I have 3 children, 2 are on the spectrum and would at times have frequent melt downs. One of my boys would have such severe ones that he has had to be hospitalized several times. I managed to stay in school, granted it was only pre reqs, but I am still there. Make sure you have someone that knows what to do incase he gets a fever or has seizures, someone you trust so that your mind will at least be a bit at ease. It is doable, God would not give you more than you could handle. Getting through this is just something to prepare you for life later down the road. Take it day by day, you will get there!