Paranoia or Valid Concern, I Don't Know...

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I have three kids. Two will be in the "real" school this year, and one (my 16 month old) will be starting daycare. Prior to this I've never put one of my little ones in anything more than a Mother's Day Out program for 10 hours a week until preschool age, so I'm already a little freaked out, but pressing foward.

However, at 10 months old, my littlest one started having complex febrile seizures and has since had one every time he has a fever. They usually last 20-30 minutes and are scary as all get-out.He hasn't had any lasting issues, but he has needed medication a couple times, and in March suffered from respiratory failure, ended up being intubated, and had a stay in the ICU.

So, here I am, about to go back to school full time this month, realizing I'm going to be exposing my son to all kinds of nasty germs. He'll probably get sick more often, and probably come down with a fever while he's in someone else's care, and then possibly have a seizure, all while I'm off doing other things, and the thought is making me ill.

Then, if he does get sick at home, of course I couldn't send him anywhere even if I wanted to, but my program isn't fond of students missing class...ever. I've heard some people hire back up babysitters, but I feel a little off handing my sick child to someone else with all the anti-fever care needed and the possibility of an ambulance ride.

So...for the first time, I'm considering giving up my spot in NS that I've been through hell and back to get. Half of me feels like I'm just mentally worn out and I'm overreacting and half of me feels like the worries of leaving my baby wouldn't be worth it. But he may not outgrow this until he's six years old! That's an awfully long time to wait...

Anyone have any thoughts?

Specializes in Forensic Psych.
No one can answer this but you........as an emergency Nurse and MOM, I will tell you that children in daycare do become ill more frequently. They are exposed to other children's snotty noses and illnesses. Many parents, because they can't afford to take off work, send their sick children to daycare. Increase exposure to illnesses, increased chance of becoming sick, therefore increasing the chance your baby will seize.

This will expose your child to an increase risk of catching infections/contagious diseases and with his history would be a calculated risk. Is this a risk you are willing to take? The daycare can call an ambulance and you can meet him (your baby) at the ED. but with febrile seizures it is difficult to predict the severity of each seizure as they correlate to the rapid rising of the fever that the babies immature system can't compensate to quickly enough.

Me? I didn't like daycare AT ALL. All those snotty faced feverish babies snotting all over the place, spewing bronchiolitis and whooping cough everywhere.....yes I'm a bit of a germ a phone. I know, building immunities...yada, yada......I just chose for them to build immunities when they were closer to kindergarten. I worked straight nights and didn't see my husband but in passing for a few years.

I vote for someone to come in your home...they can call 911 just as easily, and problably follow fever treatment recommendations more accurately and quickly. If you prevent infections or minimize the babies exposure until he out grows these seizures (they do you know), less exposure less chance for fever. This would be my personal choice. But you have to do what is good for YOU!

You have to do what you feel good about....not what a bunch of complete strangers on an anonymous website say.....:hug:

Thanks, Esme! My husband and I put the word out tonight that we're looking for a nanny. I was originally planning on having the kids in care full time to make sure I have plenty of time to study, but I'm going to try it out at part time. Having someone come to our house is going to be way more expensive since we can't use the daycare subsidy, but we're going to try to offset the cost by cutting down to part time. I'll just have to sacrifice some of the weekend time I was hoping to save for my family :/

All in all, it's only 18 months. Hopefully we can make it that long!

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Specializes in ED.
No one can answer this but you........as an emergency Nurse and MOM, I will tell you that children in daycare do become ill more frequently. They are exposed to other children's snotty noses and illnesses. Many parents, because they can't afford to take off work, send their sick children to daycare. Increase exposure to illnesses, increased chance of becoming sick, therefore increasing the chance your baby will seize.

This will expose your child to an increase risk of catching infections/contagious diseases and with his history would be a calculated risk. Is this a risk you are willing to take? The daycare can call an ambulance and you can meet him (your baby) at the ED. but with febrile seizures it is difficult to predict the severity of each seizure as they correlate to the rapid rising of the fever that the babies immature system can't compensate to quickly enough.

Me? I didn't like daycare AT ALL. All those snotty faced feverish babies snotting all over the place, spewing bronchiolitis and whooping cough everywhere.....yes I'm a bit of a germ a phone. I know, building immunities...yada, yada......I just chose for them to build immunities when they were closer to kindergarten. I worked straight nights and didn't see my husband but in passing for a few years.

I vote for someone to come in your home...they can call 911 just as easily, and problably follow fever treatment recommendations more accurately and quickly. If you prevent infections or minimize the babies exposure until he out grows these seizures (they do you know), less exposure less chance for fever. This would be my personal choice. But you have to do what is good for YOU!

You have to do what you feel good about....not what a bunch of complete strangers on an anonymous website say.....:hug:

You sound just like me! Haha! I'm a bit of a germaphobe and my husband DEFINITELY is! I really REALLY dislike that my kids are having to go to daycare.. But it's for a good reason. My husband is already starting to freak out about it. And he told me that my shoes & scrubs have to stay outside lol. I'm praying they don't get gross stuff from daycare.. But I did check & ask a million questions-- they have a strict sick policy. It's also a preschool and they are federally regulated in a number of ways. So, hopefully I made the right choice :/

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Specializes in Forensic Psych.
I will have them in daycare only when I am at school. And luckily, I just figured out that my basic nursing practicum class that was listed as T-F will only be T-th until check offs. Long story short, they won't be there as much as I initially thought. It's going to be hard, but I have to make it happen. I have two online classes, on Tuesday I have class 9-12, wednesday is 9-12, 1-2 Thursday is 9-12, 1-3 then it'll change after so far into the semester. I'll pick them up right after school. School is an hour away. It'll actually be preschool for my almost 5 yr old. We have to pay for it with school loans, so I'm glad to find out they will be there less. And I'm very fortunate that they are giving me a daily rate and are willing to work with me on schedules and not paying whenever I'm out on break. Like Christmas break. I can take 2 weeks without paying.

I understand your anxiety about it all, but I don't think you should put your life on hold in case of what ifs. I would just makes sure that whoever presumes care knows CPR, proper precautions & reactions, etc. I would have it all listed too. It would make me feel better about the situation.

Good luck! And.. Worrying is just a part of motherhood! I am very nervous about my kids starting next week. My almost two year

Old (2 next week) is not use to being away from me!

Well I'm glad your kids won't be there as long as you thought they would! I'm encouraged by the fact that a few people at least are able to study without Childcare outside of class.

I'm honestly terrible at studying at home, kids or no kids, but I'm going to try to schedule the nanny for a few extra hours a week so I can study and then put the weekends to good use.

Isn't all the motherly anxiety a blast? If I could win the lottery, that would phenomenal.

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My husband is great and super supportive, but sometimes that translates into "I don't know, whatever you want to do." when I'm looking for something a little stronger than that.

Wow, that sounds just like my husband! I make all the decisions in our house old and, sometimes, I really wish he'd take over.

Anyways, don't give up your spot. I just about gave up my scholarships which allow me to go to an incredible university bc I couldn't find affordable child care I felt comfortable with. Also, my husband is in the military and will be gone a good portion of this semester. An army wife of a fellow soldier of my husband's fell into my lap and agreed to watch my son for super cheap. I am still really worried bc I don't really know her. I met her today and she seemed nice and responsible but she was incredibly shy and almost impossible to read. I am still stressing on whether or not I should wait to start until he is in school.... Two years from now :(

If you decide to put him in a center vs in your home, they might just call 911 if he starts to have a seizure. One would think that professors would be sensitive to children's needs; but no, that would make it way to easy.

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I was freaked out about the idea of my son going to childcare, me to clinicals and all the illnesses he would be exposed to. Also I was worried about what I'd do about school/childcare when he "inevitably" got sick. I've finished 3 semesters and he hasn't been sick yet. Guess those handwashing, contact precaution lessons really work and are a good influence on the kids : )

Talk to the peditrician.

Make all the arrangements you can for emergencies

And what ever arrangements you make don't let others make you feel guilty for them, especially people who don't even know you on an internet website.

And let us know what the Doc says. We were taught in MC that febrile seizures were common, and not serious so I have a little professional curiosity about this how this condition is usually handled.

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Specializes in Oncology/hematology.

This has been a very interesting topic. I am a mom to one child. He is almost 13. I didn't leave our home to start college until he started middle school and, at first, I felt guilt. My hubby and I had made a decision that one of us would stay home, or we wouldn't have kids. Nothing against what other people feel is right, it's just that's what WE felt was right for US. But, my hubby is older (in his 50s) and he has no retirement. I have no real skills anymore and wanted to support us. The only way to do that was to go back to school. So, for 3 years, hubby is going to work and I'm going to school. So far, my son only comes home to an empty house 2 days a week, and he's older. My nursing school schedule means that my son will probably only come home 2-3 days a week and be alone for an hour at most. But, I had to wait until my 40s in order to make this happen.

I do not put my child before me. In my opinion, my marriage comes first followed closely by my son. I made the choice to have a child and he's my responsibility. I take that very seriously. But, someday he will grow up and leave and my husband is all I will have left. I'd better have taken care of that relationship. I have also always taken time for me. I run marathons and that training can take massive time. I don't feel guilty about that at all because it makes me happy and, if I'm happy, I'm a better mom. My son feels very loved and taken care of. He's not neglected at all.

Stephalump, you will have to decide what's more important to you: being there in case something happens (and we all know no one will handle it better than Mom), or looking more toward the future and doing what's kind of selfish now, but will benefit your family immensely later on. If you can find a nanny that you can afford and trust, that's great. I hope you get it all figured out and can just relax, whichever choice you make.

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Specializes in Forensic Psych.

Stephalump, you will have to decide what's more important to you: being there in case something happens (and we all know no one will handle it better than Mom), or looking more toward the future and doing what's kind of selfish now, but will benefit your family immensely later on. If you can find a nanny that you can afford and trust, that's great. I hope you get it all figured out and can just relax, whichever choice you make.

I took a look at the total hours required in clincals and lecture/lab, and it only comes out to be about 16 hours a week. I feel that if I can't pry myself away from my son for 16 hours in a week, it's going to be a looooooong road until Kindergarten. I'm planning on scheduling 10 hours extra to study as well, but can cancel them if the baby is sick.

We've have a few nanny leads so far and I'm really hoping it works out! I really can't bring myself to put him in daycare, but leaving him with a responsible person who has been educated on how to handle his fever/seizures isn't much different than leaving him with his father, so I think we'll feel comfortable that way. We're really having to dig deep to afford it, but we can live without cable for a couple of years.

Thank you to everyone who responded! I'm normally very clear about what I want and the best way I can see to go about getting it, but sometimes something is so emotional I feel lost...hearing different perspectives and ideas helped me get my bearings. :)

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Specializes in Forensic Psych.

And let us know what the Doc says. We were taught in MC that febrile seizures were common, and not serious so I have a little professional curiosity about this how this condition is usually handled.

She actually surprised me and encouraged me not to put him in daycare. She told me that there is a definite link between child care arrangements and number of seizures a la germ exposure, and in his case she would try to avoid it, at least until he's older.

Like you said, in most cases the seizures are harmless, so she doesn't normally advise any sort of huge preventative measures, but I guess his case is a little different.

So, anyway, we found a nanny and I start school on the 27th! We were able to pay off my car, cut off our cable and home phone, and a few other things to afford it. Super excited, and glad I was encouraged to go that direction or probably would've given up my spot! :)

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