Orders from hell...

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From time to time I run into real gems of medical writing.

Levaquin 750 gm P.O. q. 48 hours for 2 more days

the trick is to find how many pills this will be

Can you?

Specializes in ICU; Telephone Triage Nurse.
Bahahaha! I guess the words are technically correct, a foley is a tube. Still funny though.

Impossible orders are funny, but I think my least favorite orders that I have received were

an enema on a bed bound patient

manual disimpaction

nit picking/combing a patient with headlice (Who even has time for that on a med-surg floor?! :no:)

I realize that they were all very necessary at the time. Still don't like them though.

You forgot lactulose enemas for those pesky high serum K+ patients. :wtf:

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Specializes in ICU; Telephone Triage Nurse.
Shame, it sounds like a fabulous order to me! When I worked in an outpatient chemo-infusion center one of the docs really wanted to be able to have a candy dish with Ativan in the waiting room...

Why stop there? Perhaps aerial spraying through the air vents for the whole unit?

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Specializes in OR, Nursing Professional Development.
Why stop there? Perhaps aerial spraying through the air vents for the whole unit?

FDA Finally Approves The Ativan Diffuser for All Hospital Units | GomerBlog

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Specializes in ICU; Telephone Triage Nurse.

Aww man! They stole my idea! :facepalm:

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Specializes in LTC, Rehab.
Perhaps you should have called the provider to ask, "So, just to clarify … you don't want me to use spit, or toilet water to clean this wound, right?".

Ha ha. Or re: my idea w/the mechanic's rag: "It's OK if there's just a LITTLE grease on it, right?".

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Specializes in Med/Surg/.

Now how did YOU handle that last one....Me of course would have put signs right over the areas of necessity...among other things:cheeky:

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Specializes in ER.
Had a GI doc once that, when he would get mad about something the

nursing staff supposedly missed.. would WRITE an order that said

"Write an incident report about ___"

I've seen that many times. If they want an incident report written they can do it themselves. I'm going to write one about the doc who mentioned an incident report in the chart, because now it's discoverable.

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Specializes in ER.
Here are my favorites:

"Dopamine 5 mcg/kg/min forever"

"Flower care every 24 hours." (Yes, water and deadhead the patient's flowers.)

"Yes I DO want ABGs q 1 hour JUST LIKE I'VE ORDERED THREE TIMES IN THE PAST FOUR HOURS AND I DON'T CARE THE THE PATIENT IS A DNR AND DOESN'T HAVE AN ART LINE." (Order took up two pages in the handwritten order section.)

"Ambulate patient at 0800, 1100, 1400, 1700 and 2000." The patient weighed 450 pounds, had part of one foot amputated and hadn't actually stood for three years. He had one of those scooter things -- came in on it and it was stored in the room. The patient ended up calling the doctor's office and telling him what a stupid order it was.

My aunt's nursing school text from 1945 has a chapter devoted to flower arranging and care. We've come a long way baby.

Had a patient with SBP in the 80's and a full code. The doc's order was to stop taking vital signs. (and stop calling him in the middle of the night)

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Ortho, ASC.

"NPO until extubated."

Um, yeah, because I was planning to push a cheeseburger down that ET tube.

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Specializes in orthopedic/trauma, Informatics, diabetes.

Extubate member??BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA Best one EVER

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Specializes in Oncology.
"NPO until extubated."

Um, yeah, because I was planning to push a cheeseburger down that ET tube.

But the second he's extubated, get the cheeseburger!

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Specializes in Crit Care; EOL; Pain/Symptom; Gero.

Dinosaur here.

I remember orders like that. What it means is "Don't call me".

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