On being a mom in a female-dominated profession

jessiern, BSN, RN · Jan 30, 2008

I think so. Our nurse managers try hard to let us off work if we have a kid's play or whatever. And we swapped days among ourselves if we need off. I don't have kids yet, but I know they try hard to help the rest of the girls. I think it helps because they are mothers and wives first too, just like we are.

ICRN2008, BSN, RN · Jan 30, 2008

Yes and no. Our manager tries to honor mothers' requests for specific days to work (or not work) due to day care arrangements, etc. However, it is very important to understand that health care is not a 9-5 type job. Patients require care 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Most managers have very little tolerance for employees who consistently call in sick because their little one has the sniffles, etc. We have had problems at two of my previous workplaces (with the employees subsequently facing disciplinary action) due to excessive call offs. In some cases these call offs are not necessary because my employer offers free sick care to kids so that their parents can come to work.

I don't mean to sound uncompassionate, but I do think that many people fail to consider the effects of consistently short-staffing their unit by missing excessive amounts of work. This does nothing to promote camaraderie in the workplace. After I turned 11 years old my mother ( a single mom) almost always left me home alone when I was sick, unless she had to take me to the doctor. In that case, she would pick up my prescription and drop me off at a relative's house or at home. She checked up on me often by telephone, but I understood even at that young age that my mother was needed at work and could not sit home with me every time I had a cold or the flu.

I urge every parent to come up with a back up plan, either with a co-worker, relative, friend or emergency day care provider. I know that I will be considering this carefully before I have a child, especially if my husband's ability to leave his workplace is also limited.

rph3664 · Jan 30, 2008

One of our technicians, who is the same age as me (mid 40s) and unlike me is a mom, believes that fathers should be involved in the care of their children BUT if he calls in to work to care for a sick child, that should be a firing offense because that's the wife's duty to do that, unless he's a single parent (which her dad was after her mom left when she was a baby) in which case the child(ren) should go to his mother's.

:confused:

She also does not believe in women making more money than their husbands; as a pharmacist (rapidly becoming female dominated), I have NEVER heard a woman say that her husband had a problem with that. And what business is it of hers if it doesn't affect her?

We women can be our own worst enemies, can't we?

imenid37 · Jan 30, 2008

You have to remember that everyone has something they feel is important to them outside of work. If you are a parent, it is your kids. If you're a grandparent, then often it is your grandchildren. Single folks have their partner, friends, parents, etc. My point is that we have to try to think of others and realize they have needs too. You may not be able to have off every Wednesday to be the pre-school helper because perhaps, once in a while a single co-worker has to take his mom to the doctor or has a day at the beach planned w/ her boyfriend. Everyone has a right to their time off. Balance should be the goal for everyone. We can't allways have our own way at the same time. I have worked w/ a number of people over the years who griped that they couldn't attend every one of each of their children's games or have the day off so they could volunter in school, etc. One individual felt she was entitled to every Christmas was off because her only child was young and this was very special for her. Well, other people had grandkids to spend Christmas with, parents, etc. If you want a lot of time with your kids and can afford it, something like contingency staffing w/ minimal holiday committment works well. I have three girls and worked nights for 16 years because I needed full-time, but wanted to be free if the kids got sick at school, etc. I had to tough it out and realize though, I couldn't enjoy each and every holiday to its fullest due to my need for some sleep. It must have not been too bad, though. My oldest is also becoming a nurse. Good luck!

ktwlpn, LPN · Jan 30, 2008

You have to remember that everyone has something they feel is important to them outside of work. If you are a parent, it is your kids. If you're a grandparent, then often it is your grandchildren. Single folks have their partner, friends, parents, etc. My point is that we have to try to think of others and realize they have needs too.

Great post! I wish more of my co-workers felt this way...

angel337, MSN, RN · Jan 31, 2008

Yes and no. Our manager tries to honor mothers' requests for specific days to work (or not work) due to day care arrangements, etc. However, it is very important to understand that health care is not a 9-5 type job. Patients require care 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Most managers have very little tolerance for employees who consistently call in sick because their little one has the sniffles, etc. We have had problems at two of my previous workplaces (with the employees subsequently facing disciplinary action) due to excessive call offs. In some cases these call offs are not necessary because my employer offers free sick care to kids so that their parents can come to work.
I don't mean to sound uncompassionate, but I do think that many people fail to consider the effects of consistently short-staffing their unit by missing excessive amounts of work. This does nothing to promote camaraderie in the workplace. After I turned 11 years old my mother ( a single mom) almost always left me home alone when I was sick, unless she had to take me to the doctor. In that case, she would pick up my prescription and drop me off at a relative's house or at home. She checked up on me often by telephone, but I understood even at that young age that my mother was needed at work and could not sit home with me every time I had a cold or the flu.
I urge every parent to come up with a back up plan, either with a co-worker, relative, friend or emergency day care provider. I know that I will be considering this carefully before I have a child, especially if my husband's ability to leave his workplace is also limited.

i used to think just like you before i had children. all i have to say is you'll see it differently when you have kids. i do agree that people should always have a back up, but unfortunately that doesn't always happen.

santhony44, MSN, RN, NP · Jan 31, 2008

When my two were little, I found that working part-time worked out best. I rarely had to actually use my sick time, either for myself or for them, because I could usually negotiate things out with my managers (I'd work a day I was originally scheduled off, for example). If you can afford part time, that may work best.

Managers vary a lot. Many of them do work well with parents, but not all do.

It's also pretty important not to call in excessively, every time your child has a runny nose. Managers and co-workers alike get tired of that in a hurry. Also, be willing to help out when others have the same problems.

rph3664 · Feb 2, 2008

One of our technicians, who is the same age as me (mid 40s) and unlike me is a mom, believes that fathers should be involved in the care of their children BUT if he calls in to work to care for a sick child, that should be a firing offense because that's the wife's duty to do that, unless he's a single parent (which her dad was after her mom left when she was a baby) in which case the child(ren) should go to his mother's.
She also does not believe in women making more money than their husbands; as a pharmacist (rapidly becoming female dominated), I have NEVER heard a woman say that her husband had a problem with that. And what business is it of hers if it doesn't affect her?
We women can be our own worst enemies, can't we?

Yesterday at work, I pulled someone aside who works with this person more closely than I do, and asked her, "Is it just me, or is (name deleted) on a one-woman crusade - " and at that moment she started nodding vigorously " - to tell everyone else how they should spend their money and raise their kids and live their life?" This woman said, "No, it's not just you" and I said, "My opinion is, if it doesn't affect me, it's none of my business." This other woman agreed with me completely.

tepbsmith · May 30, 2008

idt i felt my coworkers were/are more helpful because we have kids.

before i had kids, if i was off on a holiday (like christmas) i would usually switch w/someone that had kids they wanted to stay home with

i personally feel that everyone should work either thanksgiving or christmas and it should alternate every year. and because my child is 3, heck yes i want christmas off and quite frankly i think i should be allowed to have it off, esp if i'm willing to work thanksgiving & new years.

quite honestly, it irritates the crap out of me when ppl have said to me that i shouldn't expect christmas off or feel more entitled because i have a young child (vs their very important boyfriend). when its their turn to work on christmas morning and their baby is little and all jazzed about santa, then we'll see who is being unreasonable.

as it is, i can't get my mgr at the LTC facility where i work to give me any days off after 5.5 months. my daughter starts her new school next monday.

they will not be seeing me at work on sunday night.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · May 30, 2008

Seems like this thread is veering along the old familar "have children" versus the "don't have children". This is an eternal dispute.

Are one person's 'significant others' more significant because we gave birth to them? hmmm

There are definitely some downsides to this whole female-dominated thing. Question - has anyone but me ever been in the very unfortunate position of being the only nurse on a shift who was NOT pregnant? YIKES!! It was amazing what they decided they could not do - and guess who got to pick up the slack. :confused:

RNperdiem, RN · May 30, 2008

There is a fine line between being a flexible workplace and granting you special privileges.

Managers are hired to staff, enforce policy, produce a budget and schedule. Childcare needs are your responsibility.

There is flexibility in scheduling days on some units. Some workplaces have self-scheduling which offers some choice.

Per diem employees have even more flexibility about choosing our days.

Nursing is inflexible in that you cannot take off in the middle of the day to attend to other needs. Your coworkers will not tolerate chronic lateness either.

I work weekends, and just about all of us have kids.