Due to a few people, including myself that thought that the hemophobic thread was homophobic and stated such...here is a homophobic thread...lets keep it nice now :).
I too (as one person stated) had a male homosexual whos partner was his MPOA. Sadly, most of the information was told to the patient and not his partner. His partner was so confused about the pts care, what the plans were, and was trying so hard to arrange after care that would fit their needs. No one really would discuss it with him, even though he proved he was a MPOA.
TILL I came along! I got everyone involved together and we discussed our short term and long term goals in a way both patient and partner could understand. There was quite a family dynamic involved with the pts family (against the pt being homosexual with a partner..they treated the partner like slime!), but the partner was the LEGAL MPOA! So I got in there and made it clear to everyone :).
It all worked out great, all sides were happy...(the patient was suicidal and depressed when he came in, so he wished to go to a psych inpatient to get better...bless his heart! He was so saddened by this family/partner fight he was just so sad looking and you can tell he just couldn't take it anymore!!!). And the MD's and RN's felt that they did actually get the info to the right persons involved and felt good about it. It was just that no one really got into that situation deep enough to figure out whom they should be talking with r/t the dynamics and fragile nature of the patients mind (we didn't want him to kill himself over his family and partner fighting!!!).
But would this have been the same if this was a married hetrosexual couple???? Would the wife or hubby automatically get the info with no question???
I agree, and this is why surgeons aren't supposed to be operating on their own family members.
Yet we allow designation of health care decisions to be made by people who are heavily emotionally involved with the patient, and/or have alterior motives and strings attached when making these decisions.
All of the nursing or medical education in the world isn't going to make someone rational when things go wrong for their own loved one.
Personally, I don't think that either my parents or my partner should be making my healthcare decisions. I think that we all should have someone who would be more rational to do this but that's another story.
Earlier I was talking about protecting my partner from getting kicked to the curb from a financial standpoint, but as far as healthcare decisions go, I really don't trust that my partner would know when it is the right time to pull the plug on me either, simply because he would be too emotionally involved to make a rational decision. Same goes for my parents.
I've seen way too many hopeless 103 year old people who remain on vents while I pump yet another blood transfusion into them because the family hopes that the patient will somehow turn around and come back to life in the way that they remember them.
Actually there was a case of a school nurse taking two students off campus for a medical appt - it was hotly debated here on allnurses. I will try to link it below:
At the school my daughter attends, a nurse CAN drive her to an abortion appointment.
Without telling the parents.
I appreciate what you are saying and that you encouraged kids to talk to their parents. It is a difficult situation.
steph
wow, I thought the rules about leaving campus were across the board. I didn't realize that could happen! I will read that thread, it sounds interesting.
My partner and I both enjoy good relationships with our parents but we have taken every possible measure nonetheless to ensure our futures (since we still can't get married) the day one of us dies because we know the reality in many cases.
Hi Bruce, welcome to Allnurses!
It's awesome that you are prepared like that. That's one thing that irritates me to no end. Heterosexual couples get married and have those rights. I have to go to lawyer and have it spelled out and should my partner get ill I'll have to bring proof. How many times have we as nurses asked a husband "can you bring in proof of your P.O.A. and health care surrogacy over your wife?".
I've informed my parents that they are not my health care surrogate or P.O.A. and are not listed on my life insurance policy and they completely 100% understand and are quite relieved in fact not to have that burden.
I wasn't saying that a parents right should supercede the rights of the spouse, I am trying to say that I don't think that a persons medical power
of attorney should automatically unquestionablely go to the person listed on the marriage certificate..not if there is someone else closer to the person and usually a doctor , nurse knows who that person is (usually the one sitting at the bedside) . Why must we be obligated to make the "spouse" the medical power of attorney? For instance if a spouse did not have to be made mpoa and the closest person listed is the patients
partner ,then that person should be given the mpoa . It would not matter if there was a legal marriage document or not.
I hear what you're saying and I agree there are cases where it's not in the best interest of the patient. It's gets a little shakey especiallly in those cases where a couple may not have divorced but have moved on. Sometimes there's parents at the bedside 24 hours a day and an estraged but legal wife far away with mpoa.
I still don't know of any easy way around that, because in this society the hetereosexual marriage is strong and powerful in the eyes of the law, as it probably should be. Terri Shavio was a perfect example of that.
I hear what you're saying and I agree there are cases where it's not in the best interest of the patient. It's gets a little shakey especiallly in those cases where a couple may not have divorced but have moved on. Sometimes there's parents at the bedside 24 hours a day and an estraged but legal wife far away with mpoa.
I still don't know of any easy way around that, because in this society the hetereosexual marriage is strong and powerful in the eyes of the law, as it probably should be. Terri Shavio was a perfect example of that.
If it were not for heterosexual relationships the human race would cease to exist. However, I provide the same excellent patient care to all walks of life. Bottom line, healthcare professionals should honor the patient's MPOA and if the patient is w/o such, then staff need to be aware of hospital policy, as well as applicable State laws on the matter.
Heterosexual marriage is a natural & legal institution. Nonetheless, if a person chooses to go against the natural order of life that is certainly their personal business. All legal documents need to be in place so as to alleviate any confusion. I don't want a bunch of bantering back an forth between the patient's homophobic parents and the patient's partner. My patient has enough physiological stress R/T the medical diagnosis and certainly does not benefit from any outside nonproductice stress. Anyone [husband, wife, partner, significant other, parent, grandparent, etc.,] causing added stress to my patient will be asked to leave the patient's room.
Be advised, my personal beliefs NEVER interfere with my ability to advocate for ALL my patients. So, please before some of you get offended over the trees in my post, please look at my forest.
My last day in the ER, we had a 81 year LOL come in. She had been off her meds for weeks now - heart medications.
Why?
"Oh, I can't afford them!"
But aren't you recieving checks from the government?
Silence.
Gentle coaxing and prodding reveals that said grandson and "friend" have been taking her checks and using it for themselves - booze, mostly.
Said grandon also showed up later - indignant that we had admitted granny without "his" permission. He was rude and obnoxious, refered to the staff with various epithets etc. He insisted that she be discharged stat - we wouldn't unless social services got in to see her (which she did).
Sick sick *******.
Hemingway once said "It's a fine world and worth fighting for". That day, I happened to agree with the second half of that quote....
What the hell does heterosexual relationships ensuring the existance of the human race have to do with the rights of somone's partner who is MPOA?
Your cursing does not offend me since I've had USMC Drill Instructors do a much better job. However, it does sadden me you did not read my entire post, which I closed with; "So, please before some of you get offended over the trees in my post, please look at my forest."
Would you like to go back an read my entire post, or would you rather just take a chain saw to one of the trees in my forest?
Dorimar did exactly what I was afraid might happen. He did not read my entire previous post on this Thread, or was not able to see the forest D/T a few trees.
Dorimar did exactly what I was afraid might happen. He did not read my entire previous post on this Thread, or was not able to see the forest D/T a few trees.
I read your full thread, and I got that you would provide the same care regardless of your belief that nonheterosexual couples are going against the natural order of things. To me, love is natural, UNAVOIDABLE, and wonderful. People love. It saddens me, that the natural tendency for people to love is considered going against a natural order. Regardless, everyone is entitled to their beliefs, and as you said, you would give the same level of care.
Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN
11,305 Posts
I really appreciate your post and agree.
steph