Absolutely the most entertaining birth plan I have ever read....

[Mermaid4]

While I realize we ALL promote less intervention and everything that goes along with "natural" delivery, I just HAVE to share this birth plan. It arrived along with a smiling primip with ruptured membranes on a crazy night that included a twin mom arriving in labor ending up with a femoral line for surgery due to no iv access, a stat section for face presentation, and a big blow up fight with an idiot anesthesiologist....So, you can probably all understand why this would strike me as funny and , given the superstition of OB nurses in particular and nurses in general, here goes...

Hi there. My name is ( )...My husband ( ) will be with me in labor. ( no significant others, boyfriends or other like surprises will attend).

I have heard stories about labor and delivery and have heard from more than one nurse and even one doctor that it is not like the baby channel. I get that, therefore...

I am open to drugs of any sort, any kind any time. This includes Ivs, epidurals, pills and anything else you have available. If I am standing in front of you for any reason on or near my due date and there is even a remote chance I am staying, I want my epidural just after I introduce myself. Seriously. I am NOT interested in a natural delivery. Not even one iota. Not one.

I am bottle feeding. It isn't popular I know but thats the way it is. So don't even try to talk me out of it. My mom has tried and failed. It isn't happening.

My husband is not interested in cutting the cord.

He is interested in simply remaining conscious.

I would like to labor down AFTER I get my epidural.

I don't want an epis but if I need one, feel free.

My mom is a nurse and she has always said whatever you do, make friends with your nurses. I am cool with that.

So, we both have an extended large family that can be really annoying.

Please don't tell my mom that or let her read our birth plan.

She is one of the annoying people.

She means well.

If any one in the family gets in the way of my nurse, feel free to tell them to leave.

If anyone speaks up or contradicts my nurse,

feel free to tell them to leave.

If I am in serious labor, ready to push or just in a bad way I want EVERYone out of my room.

(My husband and my nurse can stay, and the doctor too if the nurses think he should.)

And, if the family has to leave I don't want them hanging around outside my door trying to listen in.

They go to the family room or they go home.

My nurse is in charge of them.(thanks a million for that- I would rather my nurse field my mother than me. I have been trying to do that for 27 years).

The only way our baby gets a circ is if the pediatrician gives him some pain medicine, otherwise, no go.

If you can help in any way, cool.

Thanks a lot for all your help.

Nurses rule!

Isn't that absolutely the most hilarious nurse friendly birthing plan? And, it is verbatim!

Made my crazy night.....:rotfl:

[mstigerlily]

What...this is a real person's birthplan? This is posted on the wall behind the nurses' station in our L&D ward...maybe someone read it here and made a copy. How funny!

When I left she was in the tub, 3 cms listening to CDs after having received 5 mg nubain IV.......I'll let you know how things turned out.

[Minou]

I just love this... a girl after my own heart...wow...I am going to cut/paste this somewhere, it is just too precious, Thank you for sharing,

Minou

[nancimarie]

I love it, I had to print it out and bring it to work...

[mama_d, BSN, RN]

this part is the most hysterical:

if i am in serious labor, ready to push or just in a bad way i want everyone out of my room.

(my husband and my nurse can stay, and the doctor too if the nurses think he should.)

priceless.

[nkochrn, RN]

That is the BEST birthplan I have ever seen. I don't think I've ever seen any of our patients come in with a birth plan.

[rbytsdy]

I've read quite a few birth plans and this was hilarious!!! Definitely got a good laugh out of it.

It's just sad that serious birth plans seem to be a ticket to the OR. I've never thought of a birth plan as strictly for the nurses though. I think it should be something for the provider. With my first baby, I asked my midwives about a birthplan and they said it wasn't needed b/c they "were my birth plan."

I was fast-tracked into a c-section. If a woman wants a birth plan and their doctor or midwife is opposed to it, that should be a sign for them!

The second time I had a birthplan with a list of bulletpoints - a "long" one for my new midwives and a short one for the hospital. I didn't expect the nurse to read and digest it as much as I wanted to remind my midwife, doula and dh of what I wanted. Maybe that's why it was successful and I didn't end up back in the OR? Who knows! At any rate, I did make bullet points for things that I wanted that might not be the "typical practice" in the hospital. I didn't want someone walking in every 5 minutes asking when I was going to get my epidural. I would ask for my myself if that's what I wanted, thank you! I didnt' want my nurse coaching my pushing with counting. I didn't have an epidural so I could feel the urge. I did consent to have my water broken after 36 hours of labor but that was about it for interventions. :) The homebirth thing is a good point though - unfortunately it's illegal for midwives to attend homebirth vbacs in my state and not all insurances will cover homebirths and/or CPMs (who are more likely to offer homebirth). I DID have a birth plan for a c-section also and a birthplan for a still birth or neonatal death as well. My old hospital took my first baby to the (regular) nursery while I was in recovery and I wanted the baby with me the second time. I did ask the hospital about that ahead of time and they just said to let them know.

[cherokeesummer]

Love it!

[missjennmb]

I actually LIKE that birthplan, LOL. It's much better than the ones where the mom wants absolutely NO interventions, to the point that you wonder why they didn't just have the kid at home themselves. You know, the moms who always end up in the OR for a section?

Thanks, I did. :icon_roll Its sad when, in order to strive for a natural birth, a woman has to avoid a hospital all together.

1 baby born in the hospital via unnecessary scheduled cesarean 14 years ago... 2 babies born at home without pain meds or complications 3 and 1 years ago.

We should encourage women to educate themselves about the birth process, not hope they come in clueless and push them through the system. I thought the birth plan was amusing, but some of the responses really make me sad. I would kill to be able to work somewhere that natural birth was truly supported and promoted.

[CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN]

LOL. I'd like to copy it for my next one but tweek it. My family isn't crazy and I want to breastfeed. I'm sure something like that would be a good read for the nurses!

[MIcrunchyRN]

1 baby born in the hospital via unnecessary scheduled cesarean 14 years ago... 2 babies born at home without pain meds or complications 3 and 1 years ago.

We should encourage women to educate themselves about the birth process, not hope they come in clueless and push them through the system. I thought the birth plan was amusing, but some of the responses really make me sad. I would kill to be able to work somewhere that natural birth was truly supported and promoted.

Very well said.

Why is it when women come in with a birth plan and want a natural birth many frown and says how much of a pain it is (less work really at least for the nurses .. haha not for the mom).

But this kind of birth plan is viewed as comical. not saddened for the mom or the baby. Lets face it.. .CS is major surgery... carries huge risks as does epidurals, pitocin, AROM etc. All of which can have devastating outcomes. So if a mother wants the risks of herself or her baby being in greater harm its funny and great! But the ones who come in prepared wanting a natural birth because its better for themselves and their babies are views as the crazies? Hmmm something seems backwards here.

Altho give it up for the mom for being an advocate for pain meds during a circ for her baby and being willing to forgo doing it...

[lamazeteacher]

I want to know how transition went for her! (realizing that I'm 2 years late getting in on this thread.........)

[lamazeteacher]

Birth plans?

I've never heard of such a thing. God, I wish they'd had em back in 1970.

Things would have been alot different for me and my baby.

We did have them, but classes weren't as prevalent in as many places as they are now. I started teaching Lamaze in 1966, in Los Angeles where someone who'd just moved there from NYC was teaching it. By 1968 there were about 20 instructors and students who practiced their techniques faithfully, as they wanted power over their birth and to show their doctor he/she didn't know everything.

When I taught my last class, the students weren't interested in anything to do with empowerment or the information presented. Practicing techniques wasn't for them, as epidurals were the thing to have - early. The class was a way of meeting others and planning play groups, in the late '90s. Too much generation gap.

I'm glad to read here that there's a resurgence of interest in birth plans - but without having information about the birth process they must be a "stitch". I sure loved reading the humorous one that started this thread, but being a serious person enmeshed in my "raison d'etre" (reason for being)........... I wish it was easier to deal with laboring women as it was "in the day....."