13yr olds having babies. - page 4

I caught myself saying what any parent does not my child. I took my 13 yr old to the doctor yesturday & found out she may be about 4mnths pregnant. I do not let her run the streets, I take her to... Read More

  1. by   CCU NRS
    I PM'd you earlier.

    I agree that you need to get to the bottom of what actually happened. I also know from experience that talking to a 13 y/o girl is like pulling teeth. You ask what happened and get "I don't know" you run it down well you obviously had sexual intercourse at some point right? "I guess" You guess? Well let me tell you you did because you don't get pregnant from drinking water, so what happened? "I don't know" etc. I have a lot of problems with my 13 y/o just talking she doesn't want to say anything because she knows what she did was wrong.

    Here is the thing, I don't want to cast dispersions, and possibly she was molested by an older person or even just a cool older boy perhaps he took her out to his car at school. I don't now what size city or school we are talking about but one of the worst things about schools is kids leave them, they just ditch. If your daughter is a girl that is developing well for a 13y/o she may have caught the attention of an older boy that was very flattering to her and perhaps she was not so much molested as seduced, but that is neither here nor there. You currently have a preganant child and you need to get several things taken care of. You first and foremeost need to know for sure who the father is without doubt, he needs to be tested for all diseases, she needs to be tested for all diseases. You may find that your daughter knows more than she has been leading you to believe about sex and she may even have been active for some time. My daughter hid her sexuall status for @ least three years even though her mother and I suspected. She was very sly she even wrote misleading things in her journal because she suspected her mother was reading it. Bottom line take care of your daughter but get the truth from her. I am saddened by your circumstances and there but for the Grace of God go I.

    Hugs and prayers, Larry
  2. by   colleen10
    A suggestion I have is getting in to see a family counselor or teen counselor right from the start.

    Even if you haven't really had time to digest and discuss everything that has happened, I'm sure your daughter senses how upset her parents are, the doctor was and is probably scared to death.

    I think a counselor will be able to help facilitate discussions and understanding between all of you, maybe help you get to the bottom of how this happened in the first place and certainly help all of you come to terms with whatever decisions you make in the future.

    My dad and step mother had problems with my step siblings and I think family counseling really helped all of them. It was especially helpful to have someone act as a mediator and keep the discussions on track and productive and people acting civil to one another.
  3. by   healingtouchRN
    great idea Colleen10! I am sure the young lady is experiencing a plethora of emotion as well.
  4. by   colleen10
    My dad and step mother saught counseling a few years after their marriage when my step siblings were in their early teens, which we all know is tough anyway let alone trying to blend families.

    I know this is by no means the same scenario but my step sister got pregnant at age 19 while she was living at home to a guy she hardly knew and it was a real mess in my family for quite a while.

    My dad was really upset with her and I think mostly because he and my mother had the same situation when they were that age and he knew that he didn't want my step sister to have to go through that. But I don't think my step sister understood why he was so upset, that he was angry that she would have to go through the same hardships he did. I think she thought he was just angry with her for getting pregnant and felt ashamed.

    Then my dad was mad at and blamed my step mother, my step mother was mad at and blamed my dad for being hard on my step sister, they were both upset with my step sister, it was a really tough time.

    I guess I just want to say to the poster that you and your husband need to stick together, that's the best way to get through this and help your daughter. Don't ever forget that you have to keep your marriage strong to get through things like this. I'm not saying that you and your husband have problems, but I have found even in my own marriage it's really easy to harp on or fight with my husband when things get stressful, even if it's not his fault or his problem.

    I also just want to say that I can't imagine what you are going through or how you are feeling right now, but don't blame yourself or your husband or even your daughter. You have done everything you possibly could to keep her safe and she's just 13 she just doesn't know.

    Take care and know we are here for you,
  5. by   jkaee
    I was a pregnant teen myself, so I know at least how your daughter may be feeling, and can understand your feelings from seeing my parents go thru it with me. If you want or need to talk about it, or want advice, please let me know.
    You and your daughter have my prayers.
  6. by   SmilingBluEyes
    wondering how the OP and her dd are doing now????

    check in please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  7. by   nekhismom
    Quote from SmilingBluEyes
    wondering how the OP and her dd are doing now????

    check in please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Me, too, SBE. I really pray that things are going well.
  8. by   mtnmom
    Oh, how terrible.

    When I care for young girls like this having babies it breaks my heart. They are babies having babies.

    I am not getting into the abortion debate hopefully but I am very worried about abortion as a solution here. Too much potential for long-term psychological guilt and damage, especially for such a young girl. True, the birth will be traumatic ...but I personally would not advocate abortion for this girl unless it is a case of incest or rape.

    I agree wholeheartedly with those of you who think there is more to this story than meets the eye. Seduction or rape is a real possiblity. Where is the school in all of this? Do they know about this and what is their response?

    Hugs and prayers to OP and her DD (and prayers for the baby)

    Are any of us immune from this type of thing? I keep the lines of communication open with my 14 year old; she has a strong religious faith and strong values, and I know who her friends are....but any of that could change. I can't become complacent and let my guard down for one minute.
  9. by   CCU NRS

    liltiger are you out there? please just let us know you and your daughter are ok
  10. by   tylerlvn
    I am so sorry for your pain. I have a 14 year old daughter myself. Your family has such difficult decsions to make. I agree with the earlier post about you and your husband sticking together. You have to keep your family together . No matter what you and your family decide to do - it will be difficult. You will be in my prayers.
  11. by   enerjan
    Dear LiLTiger,
    So sorry to hear of your news. How old is the boy, and was the sex consentual? I have been and L&D nurse for 9 yrs and we do see a lot of children having babies (the youngest I cared for was 12 and pregnant by her stepfather.) I assume it's too late for an abortion, don't know where you stand on this. However, of the children having babies that I have dealt with, the parents of the expectant mother are usually the ones raising the baby. Have y'all considered adoption?
  12. by   hrherika

    I am positive you are a great mother! Just look how you stood by your child! But children are children, and are learning how to make decisions, and in this process, they don't always make good ones.
    You need to make sure she's getting enough nutrition for herself and the baby (I'm assuming she's going to carry it....)
    Can you get some family couseling? If anything, it will be a place you can talk and work things out.
    I feel for you! Mine is 13 and I am scared to death! I KNOW her friend is having sex... I am probably in denial too.
    HUGS and you are in my prayers..
    Quote from LilTiger1971
    I caught myself saying what any parent does not my child.
    I took my 13 yr old to the doctor yesturday & found out she may be about 4mnths pregnant.
    I do not let her run the streets, I take her to school & back and she was in Martial arts until now and on honor roll.
    She was telling me she hasn't had sex ,I believed her because we never go anywhere and I always have her with me , except when she's in school.
    The doctor looks at me and says he'll be back, he brings in a fetal heart monitor, goes over to my daughter sqeezes the jell on her abdomen and a minute later I hear the heartbeat, my heart sunk , I had trusted her & she lied. The doctor looked at her and calmly said you lied to me --- she said huh, he said your pregnant. I asked him to do more testing I was still in denial .
    I talked to her in the bathroom & found it was a boy who had been in her class and it happened at school.I don't know how to feel or what to think. I said I would stick by her but I and my husband feel numb and depressed & I feel like I want it to be a bad dream, but I know it is reality.

    I just need someone to ask and someone to give me positive advice or something.
  13. by   BJONEAL
    I would like to cheer you up about this problem.In my opinion sound like you are really caring and protective mother .People make mistake you know ,but this might be to much for you .Have you talked with your daughter about what is she going to do next ?
    I think your daughter lied to you because of she afraid she will be disappointed on her,and you did .If you and your daughter don't want baby maybe you should contact social worker for donate child ,but please talk with your family ,especailly your daughter.