I'm beginning to think Nursing school either brings out the worst in people or makes them insane.
Last year I became friends with a group of five ladies in school. We all got into the ( bad) habit of emailing back in forth while stressing out and waiting for test scores to be posted . Once they were, we would all share our scores, so we could share kudos with each-other and relieved sighs that we had all survived another test. The first semester this was no problem, as it is relatively easy compared with what was to come.
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Fast forward to Feb. 2009- first semester of Med- Surg. Three of us, "Tina," "Jessica "and I fail the first test along with ½ the class. Those of us in our little clique who passed are of course full of sympathy and pledges of support to help so we all pass next time. I take the time to re-evaluate my study strategy, switch it up, and learn to study smarter not harder. I work my butt off, have no life for the next two weeks and pass the next test with 94%, not only re-couping my points to be sitting in a safe zone. On test day, after scores have been posted, I discreetly share my score with nobody, being unsure if my two friends who failed the first test did well. I tell only two of the other women, lets call them Jane and Sally only when they ask me. Jane takes it upon herself to tell Everyone my score ( without my consent). Tina has failed the second test also. How do I know all this? Because she calls me the next day and says "Jane told me your score- how did you do it?! I failed this one too-can you help me?" I do so to the best of my abilites, but sadly Tina fails the final two tests and does not join us in the next class.
April- Jane has been acting strange towards me- I try to ignore it, a s
Jane has also been having health and family problems so I chalk it up to that, try to not make it all about me. I ease up, and start to distance myself a bit, not sure what's up, but too busy and stressed out to focus much time on it. Long story short, Jane begins to flat out blow me off, and me being totally confused finally gets Sally to confide in me. Sally reveals Jane thinks I was "gloating" and "boastful" about the test I did well on!!!! Excuse me??!!! I hardly told anyone, and the only reason anyone besides Jane and Sally know is because Jane Told them!!
So I say screw this, Nursing school is hard enough without this drama. I remove myself from the group and find others to hang out with. Sally and the others are still polite and friendly to me, but Jane completely ignores me now. This is all coming up again because classes started again this week. My wounds have mostly healed, but what I still can't stomach is being socailly ostracized for such a crap, not to mention untrue reason. So my long rambling leads to this:
Have any of you experienced this nonsense??? What is up with this catty over-competitive crap??
Oh, and lest anyone chalk Jane's behavior to age, she's in her 40's- chronologically at least she is supposed to be mature.
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
Dont share grades, wow. I really am glad my friends and classmates arent like you people on here at all. We share with each other just about every grade we get to help each other out and get new ideas on where we can study more from, what things are more important, or better ways to write our journals.
Same here, I mean we have catty people in our class, and stuff, people that ask about your grades for ulterior reasons and such, but I have a small group of people that I share grades with and they share they grades and I am genuinely happy for them and them me. One of the people I had in some pre req classes, we study together. The last exam I didn't do as well as them, I got a 83% which I was pretty confident on my grade so it was a bit of a blow, they all still did really well and I was happy for them, we got together and studied for our next test and I looked over what I did wrong (dumb mistakes from not reading all the words in the question). Anyway, Nursing school doesn't have to be about the drama and you don't have to be a recluse either to avoid it. the OP situation really sucks, but I wouldn't isolate myself because of it. Sometimes it takes a little time for peoples true colors to show and it sucks when that happens. I feel pretty confident about the small group of people I really like.
It appears I've made a good choice...so far I'm keeping to myself. I say hello to others and I'm not rude, but I feel like I just have too much going on to get in the middle of anyone else's stuff. And studying with others has not been very successful for me inthe past so I'm hoping I can do okay by working on my own. I'll find out in another week or so when we start having our first tests!
Jeez! i know exactly what you're going through! I deal with it daily...you would think that in nursing school, kids would grow up and behave like adults! not the case, there are ghetto fab girls who swear up and down that they don't take bs from no one..yes, no one, not "anyone", but "no one"..and then there's the preppy "popular" girls, that are still stuck in hs..omg! and then there's the bipolars who are extra smart intellectually, but are really weird, and have some really strange ideas about life etc, depends on their mood for the day. and then there's the "outspoken" drama king who is just plain annoying! so that's just the students..let me tell you about the instructors! there is one particular instructor who is in her 40's but acts like she's in her 20's and involves herself with other peoples, specifically preppy/ghetto fab girls drama..during our clinical rotation, my instructor spent most of her time consoling a student who was dumped by her bf. the dumpee cried the whole day...her friends all consoled her and tried to make sense out of her little world. The uncool girls worked. and when we noticed that the cool girls were just sitting outside doing nothing, we stopped working and went outside to do nothing as well. well, we listened to the drama..pretty interesting I must say!
There is another instructor, major drama queen! she picks faves, 2 specifically. I was passed up within 2 seconds of offering to perform a procedure just because the preppy girl wanted to do it, and the instructor wanted her to do it as well. so what happened was, the preppy girl just finished one task with the instructor, and I was there to watch, so the 2 preppy girls, myself and the instructor walked to nurses station, and instructor asked "who wants to do this next procedure" no one answered, so I said "I will" thinking that my instructor would be happy that I wanted to participate and learn. So, as I went over to the MAR, my instructor says to the preppy girl "Oh, I thought you wanted to do this tx" the preppy girl says "I do, buhhhhhhhht......." and just like that the instructor says, "well get over here and do it" I was dumbfounded, because for a second I thought she had this client, until I realized later, she didn't. And I just got passed up. I was soooo mad that afternoon, I walked out. But I came back right before the end of the shift. Keep in mind, we had nothing to do all day!
This is just one of the issues, dramas, or whatever you call it that goes on in my nursing school...So I totally understand!!!
How I approach nursing school, or any class, is this: I'm always polite to everyone. It doesn't matter if you don't like them, their personality, things they say or do...I'm at least polite. A "good morning, how are you" goes a long way. Here is my reasoning. You may not be working with your little "clique" or your friends during clinical. What if you need help? The people that you are rude to, or ignore, through nursing school will go out of their way not to help you. It's some sort of punishment for your behaviour. Sad, but true.
I am not there to make friends forever. I'm there to get a degree. Your true friends will be the people you end up working with for years. And you can always hold on to your friends from before nursing school. Again, I'm polite to everyone and will help anyone, if they ask, until they begin to bring me down or take up too much of my time. Then I will gently push them in the direction of the tutoring lab that they pay the school a lot of money for.
Never, ever get personal with these people. They do view you as competition because most of the students will be applying to the same jobs you do. Of course they don't want to hear that you are the better candidate for making better grades from them. What they do want to hear is your personal drama, your terrible grades, etc so they can stop worrying about you taking their employment spot. Not to mention...people love to be better than other people. It makes them feel happy in their little corner of the world.
Finally, I don't do drama. I don't care what the teacher did or didn't do. I don't care if this person went out and got drunk last night. What does that have to do with me earning my degree? When talk turns to this, I will excuse myself by stating that I have to get something out of my car or go to the bathroom, etc. When people start catching on, they don't talk drama to you anymore. They talk with you about mundane things like what they watched on tv last night and where they went on vacation. Sometimes, we will talk about what we are studying or whatever.
Finally, I can say that going to school is very enjoyable for me. I don't have enemies. No one talks about me because I don't give them a reason or ammo to use against me. And when you are nice to other people, people in turn, are nicer to you. Original OP --- my advice is kill Jane with kindness. She will come around.
Boy, I'm in my 1st month of nursing school and I can see clearly the beginnings of drama taking place. A former male CNA in class specifically said that in his experience in hospitals, drama and gossip abounds, and to wait and see by the end of the year people will stop speaking to one another in school.
I observed a group forming a study group, and this certain girl, the smartest in the class in fact, makes rude remarks under her breath every time other students ask questions, because it annoys her. She is even rude to me, but I'm not easily bothered by her at all, just a little disappointed because I used to view her as an inspiration to reach and surpass.
Things to remember
1. One must not ever reward bad behavior, ever! It gives an open invitation for more disrespect. DON'T TURN THE OTHER CHEEK, CONFRONT IN AN HONEST , COURAGEOUS AND TRUTHFUL MANNER
2. Don't tell your personal business, a secret between 2 or more people is no longer a secret.
3. Retain utmost integrity by setting yourself apart from things that degrade your personal ethics, if they think your a snob, who cares! You can't please everybody
4. Hold your personal truths sacred , keep them between you and God, never share them, if you do then they weren't that sacred to begin with
5. Remember why you are in nursing school, we are there to become nurses. We are there to learn, we are there for a degree.
6. Lead by example! you can rationalize anything into making sense of something, but at the end of the day, your beliefs must manifest into your actions.
7. Remember when your still smarting from a betrayal, you'll be left behind in the dust while others will be soaring achieving their goals. Let go and move on
8. Put up your personal boundaries and let go of the outcome, don't expect your integrity to be rewarded
9. If something doesn't feel right, don't do it! don't be wishey washey, just do!
10. Less is more, keep it short and sweet
11. Have a full life experience, don't obsess over just one thing, have hobbies outside of school whether it's work, family, friends, pets, or charity, do other things to keep your events separate. Don't sh&$ where you sleep.
12. Know yourself, sometimes we lose ourselves and seek validation from others, that is dangerous. Find who you really are and nurture it, if you fail, you try again, we have nothing to lose to begin with.
In the world of women, drama has existed for centuries in all forms of life and work. Women are emotional beings, to the point of irrational. We must gain control over our emotions as much as possible, because in a real hospital setting, our personal emotions will be secondary to a patient's needs. Guilt, fear , and shame are psychological traps that will destroy your quality of life, never allow yourself to be entrapped out of guilt or fear. We are the sum of our childhood experiences, overcome them and change. Focus on your goal, strive for it in the midst of failure and intrigue , hold onto something bigger than yourself. We are all survivors, we are here wanting to better ourselves and others, we are not promised tommorow, so do everything you can to take control, and live YOUR LIFE.
I've been through a lot, believe me. I stopped romanticizing life, and have begun to be wiser, smarter, and more genuine to myself and the people I love. Try not to focus on other people's behavior and focus on your GPA, your GPA is the only thing that will get your degree, so go and get it!
I Avoid the drama, you don't have time for that nonsense.
EXACTLY.
I never entered nursing school to make friends, I went to school because I WANTED to be an RN. And I succeeded. Not to sound cold, I really didn't give a rip about many of the people I graduated with. Sure I wanted them to succeed, but I didn't care about their personal drama, grades, gossip, etc. It nauseated me.
IGNORE the so-called 'drama queens.' Tell yourself it isn't high school. Pay attention to your own self and grades, because it will also lower your stress level. You are too important of a person to spend negative energy worrying about others.
This is yet another reason I'm glad I discovered allnurses.com. It was here that I learned (before I started nursing school) that it was a good idea to keep grades to yourself. I have done so, and I'm glad I did! It's amazing how much others try to get in your business, as in "What did you get? Did you fail? Did you pass? Are you gonna have to retake the class?" It boggles the mind! I would never be comfortable asking someone else that!
Anyhoo, discretion is a good idea. As previously mentioned, I too am in nursing school to become a great nurse. If I make friends along the way, that's icing on the cake, but that's not the primary reason I'm there.
I dunno if I agree with the whole "I didn't go to nursing school to make friends" sentiment. I did. Of course I applied and am in the program because I want to be a nurse, but I don't see why you have to isolate yourself from the rest of the bunch in the process. Bottom line is is that I spend half of my time, if not more, with these individuals than I do my own family, so instead of just grinning and bearing it, I am social and friendly and have made some really great friends that I know I will keep for a lifetime.
I don't know, but i think it may be because of our particular program. Its a direct entry, accelerated program-meaning that we all have degrees in another field and came from different walks of life prior to nursing school. Most of us have had successful careers that we gave up to go back to school because we were working jobs that just didn't satisfy us. Some came into it directly after graduating with their Bachelors. And some came from somewhere in the middle. Needless to say, we are a colorful group, have different stories to tell (both good AND bad) and really just work well with each other and care about everyone's well being.
The majority of us are straight A students. The rest are B students. No one has failed out, but some have come close. And all of us have had our fair share of bad test grades and bad days. But when that happened, the rest of us picked that person up and helped them get back on their feet when they did because we didn't want to lose them.
Luckily we are a small group (only 23), which I think helps facilitate this mentality and sense of camaraderie.
I see where you're coming from, mel. By way of clarification, I think it's wonderful when a group of students support each other and serve as a refuge from the stress of nursing school. In fact, I do have a very few close friends that do this for me (and vice versa). However, I have also seen the catty side of some students where you are crucified for having a good grade. (Or also the ones who have tried to take advantage of good students, as in, "I'm leaving class early half the time, but can I see your notes/have your flashcards/have you help me study.") That's what I meant when I said my primary reason for attending NS is to be a great nurse. I do make every effort to help others and be supportive, but I also have to realize not everyone will extend the same courtesy to me. I'm glad you have a great group of classmates - that truly makes life easier!
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
Some of these posts are sad to read. I have made 4 really good friends in nursing school, 3 girls and 1 guy, and we support each other a lot. Made a handful of what I would say more are associates, they are on my Facebook and we chat and stuff but do better with them in smaller doses. We share grades, vents, home stories, and so on, we text each other not only about school stuff now I even went to church with one of them. I only met these people in school. I have no doubt we will remain friends after school is over. We have become very close and we all want to see each other do well and have made a pact to help each other if one of us starts slipping.
An example of this. We all have been doing well, not straight A's but but A's and B's. Most of my group do well self studying and reading the books. I am the odd ball out and do terrible at self studying. 3 of them also do well at teaching to learn. So they will sort of teach me. Like I will ask questions and they will explain and they said it helps them too a lot because often times things I think to ask end up being on the test. I am also more of a critical thinker and they are a lot more knowledge base so coming together benefits us all. Well the past month I have had a lot of stuff going on at home and my Pharm grade started slipping. I went from a High B to realizing on the last 2 tests I couldn't miss more then 20 points combined or I might fail the class. Now never had I missed 10 points per test but still I did miss 8 or 9 on one.
I just let the stuff at home take control of me and I didn't ask to do study groups or anything and I wasn't studying at home. So after the second to last exam I now had a 14 point spread which shouldn't have worried me but it still did. I mean even on my Fundamentals final that was 72 questions I only missed 8 so the odds were in my favor but I still was a wreck. I couldn't believe I let all this stuff in my personal life start effecting my school especially when I was on a good track.
So Sunday the day before our Pharm final one of my friends messaged me and said lets get together and study for the final. I was very happy because I hadn't studied at all for it and it was the next morning first thing. Another friend met up to. So we went over stuff and I asked some questions I had been confused on and they helped it make sense to me (thank god because their were at least 6 questions on the exam pertaining to stuff I needed clarified) and we also sat and chatted for a couple hours, studying for like 25 mins and shooting the stuff for 15 mins venting about school and classmates and spouces and kids and so on. It was really nice and I felt like my head was back in the game and I know that it was more for me that they did this because they would have done well regardless self studying.
Next morning is the Pharm final and I am the first one done. I have to wait to see my teacher after everyone is done so I sit outside and wait, everyone makes it out and when I go back in he had graded my test already since I was done first he just happened to start on it first and hadn't done any other tests yet. So when he was giving me a letter that I came in for he told me I got a 100% on the final. I was SHOCKED. I mean my last 3 exams were D's and C and I just got a 100% on the FINAL none the less. He told me not to say anything because he wasn't finished grading yet and he didn't want people complaining that I knew my grade when grades weren't up yet but knowing I started going downhill on my grades he thought I would appreciate knowing.
I can not even explain how happy I was, for me getting 100% on an exam is HUGE, a Pharmacology final none the less! I was so thankful to know I had my close group of friends I could talk to because I knew I could go tell them without the attitude, without the snarky comments and without complaining to the instructor that I knew my grade. I think they were almost more excited FOR me then I was. ALMOST! LOL. I couldn't have done it without them the night before either. Even today when we had returns a few of the CI asked how our final went the day before and they were like really well and told the CI I even got a 100%. I know they were TRULY happy for me just like I have been for them when I know they have gotten good grades. We all know Med/Surge is going to be tough and we have plans to get together during winter break and hang out and scrap book maybe (I practically have my own shop at home) and start studying off the sylabus and case studies for next semester so that we all go in their hopefully floating above water and not struggling not to sink. We are gonna try our hardest to pull off A's in that class together.
Anyway, I just wanted to share some of the good points in friends you can make. No doubt their are kids in my class that had I went to and confided about my grade they would have been snotty and started drama HANDS DOWN!
But it doesn't always have to be that way with everyone. You can make a handful of very close good friends that you can trust and count on and can be the people that help get you through (and you to them of course).
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~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN
5,259 Posts
Same here, I mean we have catty people in our class, and stuff, people that ask about your grades for ulterior reasons and such, but I have a small group of people that I share grades with and they share they grades and I am genuinely happy for them and them me. One of the people I had in some pre req classes, we study together. The last exam I didn't do as well as them, I got a 83% which I was pretty confident on my grade so it was a bit of a blow, they all still did really well and I was happy for them, we got together and studied for our next test and I looked over what I did wrong (dumb mistakes from not reading all the words in the question). Anyway, Nursing school doesn't have to be about the drama and you don't have to be a recluse either to avoid it. the OP situation really sucks, but I wouldn't isolate myself because of it. Sometimes it takes a little time for peoples true colors to show and it sucks when that happens. I feel pretty confident about the small group of people I really like.