There is a nursing instructor at my school that is continuously embarrassing me mainly because this nursing instructor believes that I am too quiet, so he has made it his goal to bother me constantly.
He has made speeches in front of the class about how he doesn't understand how a student can become a nurse and be quiet and non-confrontational.
He has said that he doesn't understand how we could talk to doctors and make it in nursing.
I do not know what to do anymore. The teacher has constantly embarrassed me in front of other students by walking over to my group during labs and telling them that they need to help me because I am quieter. I don't know if I'm crazy, but I think this is VERY rude. I don't understand it.
I am a person that can take a lot of crap from people, but this really made me upset. Whenever this has happened, I have literally gotten upset in class and wanted to walk out and never come back. Why can't this teacher just teach the class and leave me alone.
He comes up to students and literally tells them to help me because I am quiet. This causes the students to look at me and wonder what's going on. He has told me that I need to get some confidence and make friends in the class.
He has asked me why I won't talk to the other students. Now mind you, this class only takes place for one hour every week. How could this teacher possibly know who I speak with and what I do. I think this teacher is being inappropriate at my expense. It is making me really uncomfortable. It makes dread having to attend the class. I will admit that I am not the most talkative person, but as long as I get my grades that is my business.
Once, I got so upset that I literally sat alone and did my work. I didn't say a word the whole entire class. That left everyone in my group confused at my behavior. Me, not talking has made it even worse. He gets even more in my face. His presence is suffocating. I don't know how to get around this. He has also gone to my other teachers and told them how quiet I am, and that I do not talk the other students. This gives my other teachers the same perspective of me. Can some please HELP? Should I report the teacher?
Stockholm Syndrome , and de nile. too many posters are immediately identifying with the instructor, and denying the possibility that the student is right.
which is why i made my comment "he wouldn't dare do this to a married woman."
Maybe I am totally off-base here, but the OPs situation is a screaming red flag to me.... some sort of creepy interpersonal 'thing' with that instructor. To me, this instructor is exhibiting a very inappropriate and obsessive behavior. Unless the class is intended to teach public speaking or assertiveness, the teacher is waaaaay off base.
It is important for all teachers to maintain a rational and objective professional approach to student interactions. 'Crossing the line' into interpersonal issues is very dangerous career-wise, it can be easily interpreted as harassment (sexual, racial, etc).
Specializes in Breast Cancer, Oncology, Pulmonology.
I had a teacher do the same to me which caused me to leave the RN program- 4th semester. Such a same...
He would yell at me in front of other RN's at the nurses stations, or fellow students- sometimes making me cry (instead of taking me to a private room to talk.) quiz me on material not yet covered in class, close the door in my face if I were walking behind him. Etc... and so on....
I stood up to him- think that was the problem. I finally told him to stop talking to me like he was my father!
Stockholm Syndrome , and de nile. too many posters are immediately identifying with the instructor, and denying the possibility that the student is right.
I am not a victim of traumatic abuse and therefore at risk for the symptoms of Stockholm syndrome.
In my opinion, most posters are identifying with the fact that thee are numerous clues in the OP that there is an identified (by the instructor) deficit that he is encouraging progress in. Based on the OP it has not been effective as she is not speaking out (though arguably this post is the start) so his approach may need evaluation and revision, but he is trying. Story reminds me of people that we try to have make lifestyle changes they are struggling to make.
As I said in my response near the beginning of this thread ... I don't like the instructor's methods either. But let's not assume he is WAY out of line. There are some red flags here that the OP is abnormally non-interactive and is actually making things worse for herself by withdrawing even further.
I think the "truth" here is probably somewhere in between the 2 possible extreme views in which one of the parties is totally right and the other totally wrong. The student has a problem with being perceived as too non-interactive and the teacher is not handling it very well. Let's not assume anyone is "creepy" or "abusive" etc. without knowing more of the facts.
In such a situation, it's usually best if the student first makes a bit of an effort to meet the instructor's expectations before making a federal case of it. It shouldn't be too hard for her to speak up in class a few times, be seen talking to her classmates, etc. Those aren't particularly difficult or unusual behaviors to expect of a nursing student. Teamwork and class participation are reasonable class expectations. She should do them ... instead of sitting apart from her classmates and not saying anything to anybody. Isolating herself from the rest of the class IS unusual behavior and it is not helping her. She should try to interact a little more and see how the teacher reacts. If he contininues to criticize her in spite of her meeting the expectations, then she would be justified to seek assistance from an administrator at her school. But if she hasn't even tried to meet his expectations of teamwork and class participation, she can't expect him to stop holding her feet to the fire about it.
And for the record ... I have been on both sides of the fence. I was an "abused student" AND I have been an instructor. I don't assume either side is totally innocent or totally monstrous when I have heard only 1 side of the story.
Stockholm syndrome hyperbole aside...When I advise the OP to stand up for herself when necessary, it isn't because I identify with the instructor. The instructor is a bully. The best way I know to stop a bully from bullying you (which is what she's seeking advice for) is to stand up for yourself and confront them.
His behavior is unprofessional and unbecoming, but she cannot force him to stop behaving that way by remaining quiet (since that's the issue he seems to have with her). She might not even be successful in getting him to stop if she confronts the situation. But if she goes up the chain of command, someone along the totem pole may ask her, "What did you do to address this situation?" When she says, "Nothing. I just continued to be quietly upset and anxious," they may be more apt to excuse the instructor's behavior if he says his goal was to teach her to assert herself when necessary and she just wasn't getting the message. If she addresses the situation directly instead of retreating further into solitude, then she can say, "I was assertive and confronted Mr. X on this behavior," then, if he continues she has cause to say that his behavior is unwarranted.
It would be ill advised to suggest that the OP continue to sulk and retreat because if she is wholly unable to assert herself when she must, then her introversion is pathological.
Keeping in mind that this is coming from an introvert. I am introverted, yes. But I am nobody's victim and neither does she have to be.
Stockholm syndrome hyperbole aside...When I advise the OP to stand up for herself when necessary, it isn't because I identify with the instructor. The instructor is a bully. The best way I know to stop a bully from bullying you (which is what she's seeking advice for) is to stand up for yourself and confront them.
His behavior is unprofessional and unbecoming, but she cannot force him to stop behaving that way by remaining quiet (since that's the issue he seems to have with her). She might not even be successful in getting him to stop if she confronts the situation. But if she goes up the chain of command, someone along the totem pole may ask her, "What did you do to address this situation?" When she says, "Nothing. I just continued to be quietly upset and anxious," they may be more apt to excuse the instructor's behavior if he says his goal was to teach her to assert herself when necessary and she just wasn't getting the message. If she addresses the situation directly instead of retreating further into solitude, then she can say, "I was assertive and confronted Mr. X on this behavior," then, if he continues she has cause to say that his behavior is unwarranted.
It would be ill advised to suggest that the OP continue to sulk and retreat because if she is wholly unable to assert herself when she must, then her introversion is pathological.
Keeping in mind that this is coming from an introvert. I am introverted, yes. But I am nobody's victim and neither does she have to be.
I do agree. I had an instructor like that and she h=gave everyone a hard time but one of my friends was very intimidated by her and would get nervous and I could just see it fueled her. A nurse from a different clinical I had at the time talked to me about being calm and having confidence. Anyhow teh next day when I went to my other clinical with this lady I had to have her present for me to perform a certain skill and she was finishing up with my quiet friend so she told me to stay by them. She was horrible with this girl, almost heckeling her every move and I could see her getting more nervous by the second. When it was my turn she started off the same way but I took my time, blocked her out, and she let up right away. She even left before I had completed my skill, saying "I can see you have this" and left. After that I never let her intimidate me and I was one of only 2 people that she completely left alone and didn't bother.
thought provoking thread indeed....this is becoming more evident to me the more I review the OP's post that he has a legit concern for her....Nursing School can be a tough reality slap to the face....again, I believe he is looking for her to step up and advocate for herself, and perhaps she will learn how to be the advocate for her future patients and the family....perhaps I am wrong here, but there are far too many negative assumptions being made about this instructor....I would suggest that she needs to face her own fears and make strides in meeting expectations, or perhaps consider a career in which interaction with others is not required.....just my 2 Cents.....
Maybe I am totally off-base here, but the OPs situation is a screaming red flag to me.... some sort of creepy interpersonal 'thing' with that instructor. To me, this instructor is exhibiting a very inappropriate and obsessive behavior. Unless the class is intended to teach public speaking or assertiveness, the teacher is waaaaay off base.
It is important for all teachers to maintain a rational and objective professional approach to student interactions. 'Crossing the line' into interpersonal issues is very dangerous career-wise, it can be easily interpreted as harassment (sexual, racial, etc).
This post is so confusing to me....there was never any mention at all of this instructor crossing the line into any sort of interpersonal issues....that is a giant and dangerous assumption....
Hmm, I had no trouble understanding this post at all. The instructor is harrassing this student, plain and simple.
This post is so confusing to me....there was never any mention at all of this instructor crossing the line into any sort of interpersonal issues....that is a giant and dangerous assumption....
morte, LPN, LVN
7,015 Posts
Stockholm Syndrome , and de nile. too many posters are immediately identifying with the instructor, and denying the possibility that the student is right.