Things You Would Rather Not Hear During Surgery

Nurses Humor

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#1. that's cool. now can you make his leg twitch by pressing that one?!

#2. wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

#3. this patient has already had some kids, am i correct?

#4. oh no! where's my rolex?!?!

#5. ya know, there's big money in kidneys ... and this guy's got two of 'em...

#6. well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

#7. no, no, no, no, no!! dammit..... oh well....

#8. there go the lights again!

#9. could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing off my concentration.

#10. sterile schmerile. the floor's clean, right?

#11. rover! come back with that. bad dog!

#12. oops! hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?

#13. ok, now take a picture from this angle. this is truly a freak of nature.

#14. fire! fire! everyone get out!

#15. what's this doing here?

#16. what do you mean "you want a divorce?!?"

#17. i hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

#18. oh no! page 47 of the manual is missing!

#19. i wish i hadn't forgotten my glasses...

#20. everybody stand back! i lost my contact lens!

#21. better save that. we'll need it for the autopsy.

#22. hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.

#23. accept this sacrifice, o great lord of darkness.

#24. what do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...?

#25. someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

what else would you hate to hear during surgery?

:heartbeat:blushkiss:redpinkhe

Specializes in Neuro/Med-Surg/Oncology.

True story: My mom was delivering db via c-section . . . .

Dr. Whatshisname saying "Oh, s*#+!" as blood suddenly begins to spurt. Then she doesn't remember anything else but waking up.

"so you think its this one? I think its that one, lets toss a coin"

"coffee break time"

"Can you hear me now?"

"Quick, hide the stash!"

"I know this face, that is the cop that pulled me over last week"

"Ya, think we should have waited for the surgeon?"

"Don't worry, she can't hear you!"

"I've done this a million times, lets see if I can do it with my eyes closed....ooops, guess not"

I need surgery in two weeks time, lets see if I have some more suggestions after :uhoh21:

Specializes in Travel Nursing, ICU, tele, etc.

What The Heck Is This Thing???!!!

Specializes in cna x10 years.

"No, I'm not a surgeon.... but I slept at a Holiday Inn last night..."

i would hate to hear the surgeon hiccup while making an incision.

oops.

leslie

Specializes in Lactation Ed, Pp, MS, Hospice, Agency.

C-sect; closing up

Surgeon: "I did remember to turn the uterus back to outside in before I put it back into the cavity, didn't I"? Turns to asst and says, "You saw me do it didn't you"? He replies "yea, sure" (as he looks distractedly at the crying infant).

(A pp nurse told me how a woman's poor uterus' can be battered by surgeons during surg & that this actually has happened on more than one ocassion. They may do this if it isn't clamping down quick enough to slow bleeding & they suspect a portion of placenta was missed.)

Specializes in Critical Care Labor & Delivery.

True story: I was having a discogram to evaluate three cervical discs under IV sedation. The doctor injected dye into the "control" disc - which was supposed to be the healthy one by which to measure the suspected injured ones. I hear from my deep fog of drugs "Oh Sh*t!" and then blackness.

The recovery nurse said he had good news and bad news: Good news, "You are not crazy, your pain is legitimate and one of the discs we thought may be bad is fine." Bad news, "You have three ruptured discs and one of them was the control we thought was healthy"

Where do i cut?

Hands down the last thing i would rather not hear during surgery.....

"Oooops!"

Surgeon: Great! My memory's failing me again.

Where's the heck is the scalpel?!

What the.....?

Specializes in Women's health & post-partum.

I heard the surgeon say to my OB/GP "G-- D--- it, Charlie..." after the spinal, after the c/s started and just before the anesthetist put me out.

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