Things You Would Rather Not Hear During Surgery

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#1. that's cool. now can you make his leg twitch by pressing that one?!

#2. wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

#3. this patient has already had some kids, am i correct?

#4. oh no! where's my rolex?!?!

#5. ya know, there's big money in kidneys ... and this guy's got two of 'em...

#6. well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.

#7. no, no, no, no, no!! dammit..... oh well....

#8. there go the lights again!

#9. could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing off my concentration.

#10. sterile schmerile. the floor's clean, right?

#11. rover! come back with that. bad dog!

#12. oops! hey, has anyone ever survived from 500 ml of this stuff before?

#13. ok, now take a picture from this angle. this is truly a freak of nature.

#14. fire! fire! everyone get out!

#15. what's this doing here?

#16. what do you mean "you want a divorce?!?"

#17. i hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

#18. oh no! page 47 of the manual is missing!

#19. i wish i hadn't forgotten my glasses...

#20. everybody stand back! i lost my contact lens!

#21. better save that. we'll need it for the autopsy.

#22. hand me that... uh... that uh... that thingy there.

#23. accept this sacrifice, o great lord of darkness.

#24. what do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change...?

#25. someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop.

what else would you hate to hear during surgery?

:heartbeat:blushkiss:redpinkhe

Specializes in OR, Robotics, Telemetry.

in a operation i had, i heard oh $***! just before i went under -- but i think it was more related to the fact that i was thrashing around like a fish on the table because the regional block did not work!

procedure went fine thereafter -- at least i think it did!

_________________

graduating december 2007!

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The surgeon requesting "Another One Bites The Dust" to be played during the surgery.

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HEY that's the b**** who was f***** by husband!!! (Not that it would ever apply to moi)

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Specializes in ER/Nuero/PHN/LTC/Skilled/Alzheimer's.

Well, medical student so-and so, I think you're ready to fly on your own for this one. Call me at home if you get stumped.

Ah, sh*t, the manual is all in Korean. Can someone get the translation line on this phone?

I hear my pager ringing but why can't I find it?

Okay I had quite a few drinks last night so if anyone sees a mistake just shout it out.

I hate it when I can't read preop's handwriting.

No, no, say anything you want. She can't hear you.:monkeydance:

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Specializes in pure and simple psych.

Well, he'll only be sterile on one side.

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  1. Look Ma, no hands!
  2. OK - all sewn up...HEY! Where did my cup of coffee go?
  3. Check it out! Isn't this 100 times cooler than using juggling balls?
  4. Wait...I just finished, and...you're telling me this WASN'T a vasectomy???
  5. (sings) The left vein's connected to the...right aorta...the left brain's connected to the..stomach bone...
  6. Don't worry, I'll remember how to do it...OK...think back to that episode of ER...
  7. Thank god for !
  8. I know you forgot about Valentine's Day, but what is that guy gonna do without his heart?
  9. Doesn't this remind you of the time we played that game of Operation?
  10. Doesn't this remind you of the time we played that game of Twister?
  11. Hey! Give that back! There's no law against drinking in the operating room...
  12. IT'S ALIVE!!!!!!!!
  13. Doctor Hannibal Lecter, please come to the operating room, Doctor Hannibal Lecter...
  14. Well, on the bright side, I just saved money on my car insurance...
  15. Ah well, you win some, you lose some...
  16. Organ fight!
  17. What's that big beating thing in his chest?
  18. What were you THINKING!?!?!?!?!? Oh well, at least he won't die a virgin...
  19. "So Bob, did you hear the news this morning?" "Yeah, something about the sale prices on fresh organs going up..."
  20. Down...set...hut!
  21. Oh, don't look so down...after all...in every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun, and...SNAP! The job's a game...
  22. ****!!! OK...nobody panic, we can fix this easily, we'll just need a slight change of plans. OK...I'll call Vinnie; John, you hide the body in the waste bin...
  23. This'll be a snap! Ah plastic surgery...just like the good old days...playing with Mr. Potato Head...
  24. OOOH - wouldn't this be a great setting for a Mediao movie?
  25. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!?!?!?!?!?
  26. Heehee - that was a good one. Here try this...just give his brain a poke...riiight...there...
  27. Hot potato, hot potato...
  28. And now presenting: "Trading Spaces: Hospital edition!"
  29. You can't mop the floor with that thing!!!!!
  30. This is just like learning how to ride a bicycle...WHOA!!! I guess I still need training wheels..
  31. Don't worry, you won't feel a thing. HAHAHA...I really get a kick outta saying that...
  32. I've seen his bank balance, and my recommended treatment is euthanasia.
  33. This is gonna be easy! After all, I did graduate top of my class in veterinary college...
  34. Look on the bright side, at least his wife won't have to worry about getting pregnant...
  35. Doesn't this remind you of that scene from Family Guy?
  36. Alright, this is our first operation, we should set up some kinda system. Hmmm...I'm thinking we have a sort of good cop, bad cop thing going on...
  37. OK everybody, it's time for... "Triple Bypass Surgery: The Musical!!!"
  38. My diagnosis is: SEXY!!!
  39. What do you think, 4.99 a pound?
  40. Oh yeah? Well, I think unconscious DOES mean consent...
  41. Heehee - I could act out Hamlet with this thing...
  42. I know you forgot the nacho dip, but don't you think that's going just a LITTLE too far?
  43. OOOH...this is a GREAT opportunity to re-enact that scene from "Silence of the Lambs"...
  44. Alright...today's surgery will be performed by an American doctor...
  45. Smile! You're on candid camera!
  46. You know, maybe this isn't the best time to celebrate April Fools Day...
  47. Don't worry, ain't nothin' a little duct tape won't cure...
  48. It's easy, just use the force, Luke... ... ... ... OH MY GOD!!!
  49. I don't CARE if you've never been to med school...
  50. Should we call Ripley's?
  51. OK, I've got some good news, and some bad news. The good news is we named a new disease after him...
  52. Hey Beavis...heh heh...check it out...BOING OING OING!!!!

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Specializes in cna x10 years.
:yeah::roll:chuckle:rotfl: this is some funny stuff! b
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Specializes in Acute Care.

So THAT'S what a small intestine looks like!

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