Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

[Moogie]

This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated!

Of course he's not a nurse!

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

[Brikkz]

These are all cute and funny! Thanks for the laughs!

[BKCinNOLA]

By my new-to-med-school boyfriend regarding my working nights:

"Working the night shift must be so easy. All you have to do is watch people sleep!"

Hahaha..ignorance is bliss :)

[Brikkz]

When I was in the hospital I couldn't sleep at night. Besides if nurses or hospital staff let you sleep at night why would you wanna go home?

[kfarinato]

I am not a nurse yet, but I will graduate in Dec, needless to say I'm exhausted all the time. So this week my mom says to me " don't be so miserable, nursing school is fun" My mom is not a nurse- I had to walk away so I wouldn't get into a full blown fight.

[lindseylpn]

My SIL says her kids are allergic to almost every med: Benedryl and cold meds, because it makes them sleepy. Antibiotics, because it gives them diarrhea. Tylenol and advil, idk why? She says her kids are allergic to Tylenol and have to acetaminophen instead. I'v tried to politely correct her but, I was told "i know they are allergic because they inherited it from me."

My MIL once told everyone she had colon cancer. She was just impacted. She still tells everyone she beat cancer.

My MIL also tells people i'm a pretend nurse and one day I'll go back to school, to become a real nurse. She thinks that my SIL who's a CNA knows more because she is a nursing assistant and I'm just pretend. I keep telling her the P stands for Practical! She just don't get it, shes one of those people who know everything. I gave up a long time ago, lol

My DH also thinks I sit around and watch tv all night because I work for a group home and work at my pts homes. He really thinks people sleep all night too, lol

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

decades ago, i was dating a malpractice attorney (he worked for the insurance company) who had some mighty strange ideas about what nursing was all about. the time he told me, "don't worry, dear. if the nurses just follow the doctor's orders, everything will be just fine," i nearly throttled him!

and then there was the day i was going off to work the night shift in the icu. as he was standing in the driveway, kissing me goodbye, a bee flew up and stung him. he was rolling around shrieking in "agony" and insisted that now i'd have to stay home and take care of him. i asked if he was allergic to bee stings. "i must be," he gasped, "because this hurts." it was about the size (and color) of a misquito bits. he never forgave me for going to work anyway. (or maybe it was the hysterical laughter as i drove down the driveway?)

[Imafloat, BSN, RN]

I had a mom withdraw care on her sweet precious 3 month old. I went to the conference and held moms hand while the decision was made, I helped mom give her baby a bath, dress him up, take his pictures, I was a part of her last day with her baby. I was there when they turned off his vent and when he peacefully passed. I loved the mom and the baby, it was a hard day, it felt odd to be involved in such an intimate experience between this mom and her baby. I went home and was just empty, I had nothing to say to anyone. My husband told me to relax, because the baby was in a better place now. I wanted to send my hub to a better place but I didn't, because he tries, he can't help it he was absent the day God passed out emotional intelligence.

[mike_scalia]

Cr*p, my wife is an NP ... ... .. .

[Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP]

It's okay...you can write out 'crap.' :)

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

it's okay...you can write out 'crap.' :)

why can we write that one out, but not the word for female dog even when we're talking about our canine companions birthin' babies?

[morte, LPN, LVN]

why can we write that one out, but not the word for female dog even when we're talking about our canine companions birthin' babies?

i would presume it is a filter, not done manually....so can not differentiate.......another site i belong to you couldnt use the city name charlotte, because it contained harlot, and was removed.....

[Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP]

'Tis an auto filter indeed. For the same reason when you're describing purulent drainage using another also-can-be-misconstrued word, it gets filtered out too.