Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

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This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

My sister, who is a MA, often has "almost" something......

Last year it was "almost" pneumonia

Her son, btw, also has "almost" cystic fibrosis!

someone i know almost had swine flu :banghead:

didnt know her at the time but i am assuming bad cold

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Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

Worst thing ever:

"Have a quiet night, dear."

We had back to back codes.

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Specializes in M/S, Tele, Sub (stepdown), Hospice.

I was doing my RN externship this summer working nights (7p-7a). My boyfriend asks me one day...

BF: Honey, are you depressed?

Me: Noooo....why?

BF: Well because you sleep all day & people who are depressed sleep all day.

Me: Babe, I worked 3 12-hour shifts back to back....I'm TIRED.

They don't get it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

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oh gosh, boiled peanuts! I live in Illinois. On our first time driving to Florida we went through Alabama and boiled peanuts were everywhere. On our way back through Alabama we stopped and got some fresh out of the huge pot and were they delicious. I still to this day think about how good those peanuts were. We don't have them here in good old Southern Illinois :) I love the south and can't wait to go back and visit again.

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Specializes in ICU, Telemetry.

And, for the record, I didn't smack my great aunt in the head when she said this....

"You must be bored on night shift."

*Coughing, sputtering* "What makes you think THAT?" *Visions of q30 minute admissions, codes with minimal backup, no pharmacy to ask a question, sundowners jumping out of bed and running down the hall naked, yelling "MOMMMMMMAAAA...."*

"Well, they sleep all night long, right?"

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Specializes in Medical.

Yeah, I love the people who think patients sleep overnight. Even if they wanted to, half the time they get woken for meds, obs, turns, assessments, blood (hung and/or collected), drain or catheter measurements, x-rays there was no time for during the day, or by neighbours who are confused, newly admitted or being woken for meds, obs...

My favourite stupid thing was being roused from sleep at 2PM by my brother, who had brought a friend around to my apartment for some reason now lost in the mists of time and sleep deprivation. When I asked (politely, all things considered) why the $% he was there he said he knew I would be home, because I was on nights!

Surprisingly, it only took me waking him once at 2AM for him to get the point!

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Specializes in Mostly LTC, some acute and some ER,.

Ohhhh and . . .

"That thing about the full moon . . .and everyone going crazy . . . is just a myth."

YEAH . . . RIGHT!!!!!!!

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Specializes in Trauma, Teaching.

By various orientees, from students to new grads to transfer ins:

"oh, saying the Q----- word doesn't really make things worse :argue:

or friends: "have a Q--- night!'

stop! just stop! :chuckle

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I like to retell the story of my mother's hospital stay when she was in labor with me. Here it is: My mom was 17 when she had me (35 years ago) and had never been in a hospital. She was terrified about being in the hospital as it was all so new to her. She said she was woken many times in the night to the term "Dr. such and such- ICU " which she took to mean " I see you" She had the covers pulled up to her neck round the clock as she thought someone was watching her every move!

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, home-care.
the INFANTigo has me rolling.

reminds of some sick slips i saw in the Army, where the soldier right their chief complaint on the slip, there are so many spellings of diarrhea, but many would just right "the *****" to avoid ridicule.

one off the top of my head was "aunt bites"

:yeah:At home growing up, we never had "diarrhea", but we had "the skitters" I never knew until high school there was anything but. :banghead:

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Specializes in OB/Gyn, L&D, NICU.

My mom always called it a "bee yam." I didn't know til I was grown that she was saying "BM." I thought it was a beeyam because it looked kind of like a yam. No wonder I was never a fan of sweet potatoes.

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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, home-care.
My mom always called it a "bee yam." I didn't know til I was grown that she was saying "BM." I thought it was a beeyam because it looked kind of like a yam. No wonder I was never a fan of sweet potatoes.

:yeah::clown:LOL Gotta love it..

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