Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

Nurses Humor

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This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

I was woken up at noon, to a hand-full of dog poo in my face. There are little white worms, wriggling around, in our precious pooch's feces. My husband is in a panic, "Are these heart worms?!" I sigh, "Heart worms. Heart. If they were heart worms they would be in his heart."

Haha! My husband is the same way! He just won't understand the difference! He thinks dogs get heartworms from eating dirty food outside!! No matter what I say, he just won't listen!

Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

when i was single and renting and worked 7pm to 7am, then drove 37 miles home again, i had a landlord who understood absolutely nothing about working nights. when anything had to be repaired, he'd tell

me he'd scheduled the repairman for around noon. prime sleeping time.:mad:

Specializes in LTC, geriatric, renal.

My SO hears me talk a lot about hypothyroidism a lot d/t the fact that lots of members of my family have it. He knows the symptoms they have, and the other day we were talking about how I was worried about how he had been losing weight. (He's about 6'0" and weighs 150 lbs.) He asked me if I thought it could be HYPERthyroidism. I told him, definitely not.....you sleep A LOT, you can fall asleep at the drop of a hat, your HR is always really slow, you're never anxious, irritable, or hyperactive and no signs of graves diseases or anything.... :) Just thought it was funny :)

This thread is so hilarious. I'm a nursing student and here are few stories....

My husband's grandmother checks her blood sugar and is in a diabetic research study. I tell her that she cannot be drinking sugary drinks and desserts. She says she is not diabetic. I ask her how did she get into a diabetic study if she is not diabetic. Her answer: "Because I have been friends with my doctor for many years and he works wonders. " Yeah,...i had to let that one go.

My husband (poor guy) had recently been having trouble with his stomach. He asks my opinion and ignores what I think he should do. Such as him telling me "Im consitpated",..well honey have you been taking the stool softeners the MD prescribed,.."NO,"..well then take them and then let me know how your stomach does.

On one occassion he has been asking me to come look at what his stool looked liked in the toilet convinced he was bleeding from somewhere because his stomach had been hurting (he has IBS). I explained to him if he was bleeding his stool would be black. For 2 weeks I did this and every time he argued with me convinced he was dying because his stool was a dark brown instead of a light brown. After the 2nd week I couldn't take it anymore and I said ok you win,..you think you have a GI bleed then I had better get you to the ER before you die. He rapidly gets dressed, I take him to the ER, I tell the doctor he thinks his stool is black. I know what exam the doctor is going to do to determine whether he has blood in his "black stool." Hubby didn't think this far ahead. Doc comes in with petroleum jelly, blue gloves on,...and tells him relax this will only take a second. The look on his face was priceless, but he never woke me up at 3am again to look at his stool. Hint: During the exam the doc declares that he has a tight sphincter. The hubby was mad at me for the whole day because I didn't 'warn' him what the doc was going to do. While waiting to be discharged he makes me swear not to tell anyone what happened. His buddy calls him on his cell and he starts by saying,.. "oh man, you will not believe what happened to me!" and "she didn't even warn me!" I couldn't help but smile the entire way home, and in bed until I was able to go to sleep!

Specializes in ortho, hospice volunteer, psych,.

my cleaning person came in this morning laughing while shaking her head. her teenage son is now refusing to use any bar soap because "i'll get several diseases there aren't cures for yet.":eek: when

she pressed, he couldn't name even one!:uhoh3:

when she couldn't convince him otherwise, she called his phys ed teacher who will talk to all the kids.:coollook:

thirteen-year-olds!!!:eek::uhoh3::lol2:

Specializes in Neuro ICU and Med Surg.

My dad is having a colonoscopy on Monday and he told my mom he could work after. My dad works in an overhead crane. He had no idea he would be sedated. He also thought he could work Sunday during the prep. God he frustrates me.

I used to work a prn RN position at a hospital. My husband just would not understand what prn meant. He thought it was a type of nurse. He would tell people that I am a PRN. No matter what i said, he just refused to understand that prn meant as needed. I would tell him I'm an RN, and he would say "Yea I know, you're a PRN." It would make me so mad!

After delivering my baby girl my husband says " Can you tell the doctors that we want an inny belly button?" I just laughed.. WOW.

Specializes in Pediatrics.

My sister: Ow, my back hurts!

Me: Where?

Sister: Here, where the kidneys are. Humans have two kidneys, right?

Me: O_O *facepalm*

Specializes in Medical.

Laypeople - always confusing kidneys and hearts!

This morning my fiancee got a call from his daughter at the school nurses office saying she got her ring stuck on her finger. He got my attention super fast and wanted me to fix it, which is fine since I tend to wear rings more than him... Anyway, his daughter gave the phone to the nurse and he said "Can I send my fiancee? Shes in nursing school so she knows all about this kind of stuff." **** I was so horrified. I did not want any sort of non-credentials going in to cut a ring off my 10 year old step daughter... I mean, I'm only in 1st semester and I've never cut a ring off a patient in clinical, so idk why he thought nursing school had anything to do with it! The worst part is I was planning to swing by my clinical assignment afterwards to get some paperwork done so I was in my uniform. The nurse must have really thought I was full of myself... lol

Specializes in Pediatrics.
Laypeople - always confusing kidneys and hearts!

Nah, wasn't even the heart. She had confused the kidneys and liver. Or so she said.

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