Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

[Moogie]

This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated!

Of course he's not a nurse!

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

[nursefrances, BSN, RN]

My sister, who is a MA, often has "almost" something......

Last year it was "almost" pneumonia

Her son, btw, also has "almost" cystic fibrosis![/quote

Is that like being a little bit pregnant?

Before becoming an RN, when I worked with an eye surgeon, I lost count of how many people

had "Cadillacs" (instead of cataracts) in there eyes. ]

[Epic_RN]

My ex-husband, who is a pathological liar, (there are sooo many reasons he's my ex) once told me that he had either a stroke or a seizure in a movie theater, on the ground and convulsing, drove himself an hour home, went to the hospital and they were unable to determine whether or not it was a stroke or a seizure...

My response? "Hmmm, so while you were on the floor in the theater twitching and convulsing, did people just step over you? No one called 911? REALLY??? Maybe you should google this stuff before you try to lie about why you couldn't pay your child support...."

My current boyfriend, on the other hand, LOVES watching medical shows with me because I get so angry when they're wrong LOL! He thinks my knowledge is totally sexy... He's a keeper! :loveya:

[Epic_RN]

My daughter, who will be 13 on Sunday, hates it when I tell this story....

She was about 3 or 4 and we had been staying at a beach house with my brother, SIL, and their 5 year old son. She saw her cousin getting dressed on our last day there. She waits until we are in the car on the way home and then asks, "Mommy, why does Branton have a nipple on his butt?" She had never seen a member before -- too cute!!

[ADNnsg.student]

A while back I was somewhat involved with an athlete he played and taught tennis among other sports. One day he txtd me asking what he could do to make himself feel better the pollen in the air had congested him or something so I told him he should take some vit C and drink a lot of water to help clear him up till he could go to the MD. Well he txt back a few hours later and said "I didn't have any Vit C, but I ate a fruit bar and had some Gatorade-u know its got that stuff in it to make u feel better. And I'm feeling much better now." I said "oh good and yes Gatorade can help balance Ur lytes if Ur dehydrated, I'd still try and take something for drainage though" he replied and I'm NOT kidding "I think the Gatorade mustve helped with the drainage too, cuz I've been peeing like crazy ever since!" "And my LIGHTS are fine, not sure what they have to do with anything though!"

[sandyfeet]

"Once you start working as a nurse, we'll be rich!"

[yiyayiya]

In that case the medical people have obviously not bothered to do their job again. They have not informed him of what the procedure entails. As a result, even if he has signed a consent form, he can sue them for battery as it was not informed consent.

[flick79]

I had a friend who had had minor surgery. He was quite nauseated afterwards and they put a motion sickness patch behind his ear for the car ride home. He rang me the next day and we chatted about his procedure. He said at one point they put an 'emotional sickness' patch on him before he went home and he couldn't figure this out why he was given this after the op when he was so nervous beforehand. He was deadly serious. Took me awhile to respond due to my hysteria. man I wish they could make an emotional sickness patch! *I've only been a nurse for 7 months and so far I have learned that people are stupid...bless 'em*

[Rdaviscna]

One of my dearest friends friends step mother is always insisting that she has some kind of monumental sickness. A few months ago when I was visiting with her, she told me that she had been having head aches and that she was just sure that it was "spiral meningitis"......grrrr

[CathRN1957]

Stupid is as stupid does

[jelly221,RN]

Recently one of the dogs had surgery. When I had to remove her stitches, my darling husband wasn't sure I could handle it. After all, I was a "people" nurse, not a "puppy" nurse. I think he was serious. :icon_roll

LOL this exact same thing happened to me. He kept asking me if I was sure I wanted to do it until I finished taking them out.

[wooh, BSN, RN]

Got to defend Moogie's husband. As a people nurse, I'm pretty tough. Critters though? Not so much. When I was doing a lot of volunteer work at the humane society, I was fine with drawing blood, giving vaccinations. Then we started a microchip program. COULD NOT DO IT. Those needles are something like a 12 or 14 guage. I tried one day, looked at the needle, and COULD NOT make myself stick the poor dog. Could not. Nope. Will not stick that huge thing into the poor critter.

Now I think microchipping is great. If I had to stick a person with a needle like that, I'd feel bad for a second, get over it, do it. Cannot do it to a critter though!

[sharpeimom]

[color=#a9a9a9]our vet microchips under anesthesia whenever possible. our gang were all chipped while under being castrated or spayed.

he feels it's uncomfortable enough that the critter gets sedation if not done along with surgery.