Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

Nurses Humor

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This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated! speechless-smiley-040.gif

Of course he's not a nurse! :devil:

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

Specializes in CVICU, TSBICU, PACU.
had a guy tell me, very seriously, that he had, "Fractured his collateral." As he massaged his shoulder. :-p

As a cardiac nurse, I find this extra funny...very cute

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Specializes in CVICU, TSBICU, PACU.
The BF and I are settling into bed. he tickles my arm. I giggle and say, "stay out of my antecubital Fossa." To which, he responds, "Quit making up dinosaurs!"

Oh wow...I just about died laughing...

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Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

Love the pet stories. When my ex and I had our dog spayed, I realized after we got her home that the vet hadn't said when the stitches needed to come out. My ex (there are reasons he's my ex) said with a superior smirk "Oh I'm sure they'll just dissolve. Nature takes care of her own." I had to remind him that "Nature" hadn't put the stitches in and that Dermalon is unlikely to dissolve in our lifetime.

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Thought I'd share this hilarious story before I go to bed. My mom was having stomach pains so my dad took her to the ER. I was scheduled to work but got a call from my dad saying my mom was in ICU and her BP was in the 80's! Of course I'm freaking out wondering what could be wrong with her. After calling work and begging to be cancelled, I get to the hospital to find out my mom was not in ICU but still in the ER. The supposedly bp in the 80's was actually her hr! I figured this out when I got into her room and my dad was reading the monitor and said, "look at her bp is so low" and he was pointing to her hr on the monitor! Ughhhh and this was all figured out after putting calls to many family members too....

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Specializes in Medical.

Oh, CaliGirl, the startling combination of relief and friustration you must have felt!

It reminds me of a family we had who came spilling out into the corridor yelling "Her BP's dropping! She's botoming out!"

Of course all the nurses in earshot tore into the room to find...

a perfectly well looking woman sitting up in bed, with no obs equipment in sight.

With great restraint I asked the (majorly stressed out family, looking at us as though we were all negligent for not, I don't know, initiating CPR) "What makes you think her blood pressure's low?"

"We've seen it dropping for twenty minutes and nobody's done anything about it!" yelled the son, pointing at her infusion pump which, sure enough, showed that there was 80, oops, 79ml left to infuse.

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Specializes in Nurse Educator, Culturally Sensitive Nsg.
Oh, CaliGirl, the startling combination of relief and friustration you must have felt!

It reminds me of a family we had who came spilling out into the corridor yelling "Her BP's dropping! She's botoming out!"

Of course all the nurses in earshot tore into the room to find...

a perfectly well looking woman sitting up in bed, with no obs equipment in sight.

With great restraint I asked the (majorly stressed out family, looking at us as though we were all negligent for not, I don't know, initiating CPR) "What makes you think her blood pressure's low?"

"We've seen it dropping for twenty minutes and nobody's done anything about it!" yelled the son, pointing at her infusion pump which, sure enough, showed that there was 80, oops, 79ml left to infuse.

Oh, my. LMBO!!! I can just hear the comments at the nurses' station!:uhoh3:

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Bahahahahahaha!!! Lol still laughing at the disbelief that scripted Advil is not the same as otc Advil and the fallopian tubing, I'm only a student and know better! Lol poor tech. That's amazingly funny.

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I was telling my boyfriend a story about a patient with prostate cancer, and he said, "Well what if I had it?"...I said joking around (he is 25 by the way) "I don't know, you want me to check you?"...he says "Oh god YES, THANK YOU!!" and looks at me as if he is ready to be checked...

I said..."you have no idea that checking you would involve sticking my finger up your ass do you..."

haha.

Ahh ignorance can be bliss lol...cute story :)

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So while in NUrsing school and working as a Student Nurse/ Nursing Assistant... my husband has this epiphany, "they should do a study on how much someone drinks and measure how much they pee out!",

my reply," uh, I do that every night,"

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My mom remarked to me, "I'll bet your job is really relaxing and easy-going. Because you know old people are just little darlings and sooo nice."

I didn't have the heart to break her disillusionment, so I just nodded in agreement :bugeyes:.

I hope she never finds this site...LOL

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I just love it that people think night shift is so easy because everyone is asleep. I just say "Yea, sure."

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Specializes in PACU, presurgical testing.
I just love it that people think night shift is so easy because everyone is asleep. I just say "Yea, sure."

They say that about the PACU, too. Always made me laugh.

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