Stupid things said by your non-nurse significant other

[Moogie]

This thread is started in honor of my darling husband, who told me this morning that he almost woke me early because he had a bowel obstruction.

I said, "A bowel obstruction? Really? Tell me more about it, honey."

He said, "Well, I had a hard time moving my bowels this morning. It took a long time and when I was done, I had this huge, hard stool, one of the biggest I've ever seen!"

As if that was something I'd be hopping right outta bed to see! I told him, "Honey, if you had a bowel obstruction, you'd be headed in for surgery. You'd be in pain. You wouldn't have just had the most humongous stool of your life. You didn't have an obstruction. You didn't even have an impaction, which I would NOT have removed for you, no matter how much I love you. You were constipated. In other words, you were simply full of ****. BTW, lay off the cheese!" The love of my life can eat a half pound of cheese in one sitting and wonders why he gets constipated!

Of course he's not a nurse!

Anyone else have stories about stupid, funny, silly things said by their dear non-nurse significant others, friends, family members? Please share! I can't be the only one!

[wannabecnl]

My boyfriend always asks me basic medical questions ie: whats an EKG for (when he went to the hospital) is this a high BP reading (for his mom) can I take half my allergy medication since it costs so much? Then once I give him the answer he immediately consults someone else!(who always says the same thing as me!) Because I'm "just an LPN"! No matter how many times I tell him i administer dangerous medications can inject things into ppl and I can start IVs he still thinks I "wipe old butt" all day. An RN however would be qualified...arrrggg!

I was also serious asked by someone who I went to school with (who has a Bachelors degree!!) Oh your an LPN? Did you go to school for that? ohhh cool how long a couple weeks?? No I think your thinking of a nurse aid dear! Nice to know that the general public discounts my year of busting my butt in school!

I get that too with an RN, though I'm new so maybe it gets better (not if the posters on this thread are to be believed). Everyone wants us to answer every oddball question they have, and then they argue! Do they argue with their doctors? (I do, but that's probably why I've become a nurse )

[nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN]

I just love it that people think night shift is so easy because everyone is asleep. I just say "Yea, sure."

I always want to say, "Sundowners, ever heard of it?"

[nerdtonurse?, BSN, RN]

We had a patient that had melanoma that had arisen from a mole. So, we made the mistake of discussing it in actual clinical terms (a malignant nevis) at the nurse's station.

A family member is walking by, (we don't use names or anything, just discussing possible course of treatment), and hears us discussing a malignant nevis. She speeds up and goes into her family member's room and says,

"They've got somebody in here with a malignant ELVIS!"

Much hilarity at the nurse's station ensued -- tumorous fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches, cancerous deep fried twinkies, we were making up metaplastic Elvi all night long.

[Elvish, BSN, DNP, RN, NP]

As the resident Elvis fanatic, I have to give nerd's post a two thumbs up. The King has been spotted in a lot of places but never anywhere malignant. :)

[talaxandra]

I just love it that people think night shift is so easy because everyone is asleep. I just say "Yea, sure."

And even if they want to sleep, there I am, waking them up for obs and meds and pressure care and new IV lines and great, another MET call or code...

[carrie_c]

I always want to say, "Sundowners, ever heard of it?"

My thoughts exactly.

[carrie_c]

And even if they want to sleep, there I am, waking them up for obs and meds and pressure care and new IV lines and great, another MET call or code...

Yea, or lab is waking them up at 4 am.

[Penelope_Pitstop, BSN, RN]

"They've got somebody in here with a malignant ELVIS!"

So, would that be a "Hunka Hunka Burnin' Cells"? "You Ain't Nothin' But a Benign Tumor," Or maybe "Suspicious Moles?"

We can't go on together...with Suspicious Moles...Suspicious Moles...

[TeenyTinyBabyRN, BSN, RN]

I got a text from my mother-in-law, informing me that my sister-in-law was being induced. Apparently they "just started her on some protazoa." (pitocin)

When arguing over hose hold duties, my husband informed me that I was lazy, because I sleep all day... I work nights.

[talaxandra]

Yeah, my brother once came by at 2PM when I was on a run of nights, because "I knew you'd be home". Mm-hhm - can I do the same at 2AM?

[TeenyTinyBabyRN, BSN, RN]

I was woken up at noon, to a hand-full of dog poo in my face. There are little white worms, wriggling around, in our precious pooch's feces. My husband is in a panic, "Are these heart worms?!" I sigh, "Heart worms. Heart. If they were heart worms they would be in his heart."

[carrie_c]

I took my mother-in-law to the eye doctor and they dilated her eyes. When we were leaving, the lady at the desk asked her if she had some sunglasses. (It was a bright sunny day). Since she didn't have any sunglasses, they gave her a pair of those plastic disposables. Instead of putting them on, she just put them in her purse. When we got in the car I told her she should put them on. She said she didn't want to. I didn't think any more about it. The next day when I talked to her, she said "My house is as dark as night with these glasses on." I asked her what glasses, and she said the ones the eye doctor gave her. It took all I could not to roll on the floor with laughter. She thought she was supposed to wear them at home!