and one more~~ Secrets of Marriage

  1. Secrets of Marriage

    > > > Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some
    > > good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
    > > >
    > > > We also sleep in separate beds.
    > > > Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne.
    > > >
    > > > I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
    > > >
    > > > I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.
    > > > "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested
    > > kitchen.
    > > >
    > > > We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
    > > >
    > > > She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread
    > > > Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!".
    > > > So I bought her an electric chair.
    > > >
    > > > Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
    > > > Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.
    > > >
    > > > I married Miss Right.
    > > > I just didn't know her first name was Always.
    > > >
    > > > I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt
    > > >
    > > > The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"....
    > > > I said, "Dust!"
    > > >
    > > > In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
    > > > Then God created man and rested.
    > > > Then God created woman.
    > > > Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
    > > >
    > > > Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to'.
    :chuckle ~~kitamoon
  2. Visit nakitamoon profile page

    About nakitamoon

    Joined: Jul '01; Posts: 708; Likes: 3
    Director of nursing in an assisted living facility


  3. by   Audreyfay
    However, one cannot deny the research results that say that married men live longer than bachelors.

    Somehow I can't recall hearing how married vs. unmarried women vary in their lifespans? Hmmm
  4. by   Beach_RN

    My husband came home with a tube of KY jelly and said, "This
    will make you happy tonight."
    He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it
    all over the doorknobs He couldn't get back in.

    A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make
    you the happiest woman in the world"
    The woman says, "I'll miss you."

    It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he
    stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
    "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

    He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I've wanted to make
    love to you really badly. She said - Well, you succeeded.

    He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
    She said - That's a good stand by the ironing
    board while I sit on the sofa and fart.

    He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money
    I gave you?
    She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror _______________________

    Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive
    A: A rumor
  5. by   dianacs

    LOL, these were too funny!
  6. by   Just Angi
    These are too funny!
  7. by   stressedlpn
    I want the womans point of veiw on a t-shirt
  8. by   dstudent
    Excellent LOL
  9. by   ERNurse752
  10. by   teeituptom
    Howdy yall
    from deep in the heat of texas

    Nothing like some good healthy spouse bashing. Now down here in texas I have got it all figured out.
    I never make my wife angry as she will then go out and buy jewelry.
    She doesnt make me mad as I will go out and buy golf stuff.

    That sounds pretty fair to me

    I also say "Yes dear you are absolutely right in that, can I now go and play some golf"

    I also say yes dear that outfit is very attractive on you, makes me want to take it off you and make love to you..... when she says not now, I go and play golf....

    We always make love at night, if not she might want to do it in the morning..... Then you have to take her out to brunch afterwards.... and that interferes with my golf time..
    Only cad would make love to his wife then jump up and run out to the golf course. That will cost him more in the long run

    You see I have this all worked out.

    doo wah ditty
  11. by   Furball
    Originally posted by Audreyfay
    However, one cannot deny the research results that say that married men live longer than bachelors.

    Somehow I can't recall hearing how married vs. unmarried women vary in their lifespans? Hmmm
    I read somewhere that married females have more illness than single women
  12. by   nursedawn67
    Very Funny!
  13. by   Scavenger'sWife
    A man is not complete until he is married....then he is finished.
  14. by   babynursewannab
    Don't remember where....but the studies done showed that the happiest, healthiest people were SINGLE WOMEN.

    The UNhappiest, UNhealthiest people were MARRIED WOMEN.