Nursing Career & Relationships, Marriage

[OnePostAndDone]

Hi, I'm very new to the Forum and I've spent some time reading various threads on the subject I'm about to touch on. I've decided to post probably for my own reassurances, but also mainly to vent a little bit about a situation I am currently experiencing. I'm hoping some of the individuals here will be able to help me and let me know what I can reasonably expect in the future. I'm hoping for some of my fears and worries to be put to rest as well.

I am not studying to become a nurse; my girlfriend is. I'm studying to become a high school science teacher. I ultimately made this decision for the personal gratification that comes with teaching, but also because I wanted to have the time and the schedule to give the most to my future spouse and family. I believe teaching will allow this. I love my girlfriend with all of my heart and she intends to become a RN and work in a hospital here in New York. She's a very diligent student, and I was never really aware of the level of dedication required to do well in nursing school. That said, I've essentially been told that I will see very, very little of her for approximately the next three years (the time it will take her to finish the degree), at least. And possibly beyond. Needless to say, I'm incredibly concerned, a little hurt, and frankly a little frustrated.

That said, I would love to hear stories of members here with nursing careers who have been able to balance work and life; I would love to hear that you often see your spouses, spend good quality time together, perhaps even go out or on vacation here and there. Please let me know that it's possible to have a normal relationship, or married life with another individual and a career in nursing. I am sure that the two aren't mutually exclusive, but it currently feels that way a little bit now. Three years (or more) of a "Dear John" situation is a little tough to swallow right now even despite the fact that I love this woman quite a lot.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I really do appreciate any and all input from everyone who may choose to write a response. If you happen to include some unhappy information, that's okay too, I really do need to hear about all the possibilities I could resonably expect here.

And since I can't help but throw in a few emoticons:

I :redbeathe a

[BornHealer]

First let me comment on the way you signed your thread (I:redbeathe a nurse) because this might be the most importent part of what you said --- You can expect that your love will be tested more than once. I will share my own experience with you, because ultimately that's all anyone can do. I was 33 years old when I entered my Nursing Program ---I was 19 years old when I married my husband and we now had two children (Ages 8 & 10). I had no college education when I started, so that meant I would be carrying a full and heavy load for three semesters. My days started at 5:00 AM and I did not return home until 6:30PM (That was necesary to get all my nursing classes, all my clinical rotations and college classes completed in the time frame alloted) When I returned home -- I would eat the dinner my husband prepared, have a brief converstion to catch up on how everyone elses day had gone, and I would then go into our bedroom --- Close the door --- Study -- Complete Homework assignments and work on the various Term Papers that were always due. Then at 11:30 PM my husband would come up and we would retire for the night. The year was 1981, so there was no internet and all term papers were typed on a used typewriter. Weekends were spent at the library doing various assigned research ssignments and then returning home to spend the remainder of time studying. Doesn't sound like much fun --- Does it ??? It wasn't --- But it had to be done that way. 1) Courses had to be taken in the order assigned

2) Financially I could not afford to spend two years completing what was assigned to be completed in 12 months 3) I couldn't afford to fail and retake any courses a second time --Or barely pass with a "C" average --- Statistics show that students with only a "C" average rarely pass the State Board Exams --- So, then what would be the use of going through the program if you can't get licensed.

I'm not telling you this to discourage you -- but to prepare you. Your experience might not be this extreme, but you might have times that will be rough on your relationship and knowing that ahead of time can help you get through it. The way my husband and I got through it was to sit down and discuss it -- planning ahead before I even begun the program. The majority of running the household (including the children) was going to fall upon him --- So he had to be ready to pick up a lot of the chores that I had always done and also realize that I would not be available for socializing very often. He did this and that's the only way I was able to complete the program. It's a commitment unlike many other college programs. Nursing is not a 9:00 > 5:00 job ---And part of the nursing program is to teach the students thatHTML][/html.[]

[bradleau]

When I went to nursing school I had a child and a husband in the military. This required me to move to a new city and college mid way through my education. Vacations usually came with the change of station for my husband. It was stressful at times, but we worked it out. He had duty nights, was on isolated duty for a year, all of which made it more difficult for me to handle everything. Especially child care. How do you plan to handle your extra duties as a teacher? You will be busy with lesson planning, class work, meetings,student teaching, etc. So what is the difference? BOTH of you will be busy. Be glad you are going to marry? an educated woman. It can be worked out if you are both mature enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel. It could be that she will find her nursing classes not as difficult as she anticipated.

[PedsRN9999]

I must say that nursing school is the hardest thing I have ever done. It was a very difficult time for me since i never stopped working (45-50 hrs/week) and school and there was just enough time to get my school stuff done and get 3-4 hrs sleep/day. Belive me, very insane!!! Countless times I had to ingnore my wife and kids so I could get some studying done.

If you truly care for your girldfriend give her your total and unconditional support, all the way to the end, you'll see how things get much better once everything is said and done.... on the other hand if your concern is about her not giving you "the time" you deserve this would be a good time for both of you to stop seeing each other before things get very stressful and you end up hating each other.... Sorry this is plain and simple truth. Good luck to both of you.

[newrn05]

Hi I wanted to address your post. I graduated 5 years ago with a BSN. Prior to starting that program I had most of my GE requirements completed. At the time, I had a child at the age of 9 with mental health issues. I met my current BF and fell in love instantly. He is 7 yrs younger then me with no kids. He went from single man to full time dad. There were days where we were in the same house together but really not together. i would be sitting at the table for hours studing and writting papers. We ended up breaking up after two years. He felt that I was not able to give him what he needed. We remained friends and are now back together.

I tell you this becuase I hope you can realize that there will be times where you won't see each other often. You may have to take what you can get at times. Remember that in the end it will pay off. My bf now says he wished he would have waited jsut a lil while longer. We dont take anything for granted and spend as much time together as we can.

[malenkiyb]

Nursing school is hard. I would say on the scale from 1 to 10, it is 10. When I was in nursing school, I thought I wish I can live by myself. Both roommate situations were bad: one person was didnot care and the other was too much. Give you girlfriend space and wait. One day things be back and as usual.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

just being devil's advocate, what if other students also got a 4.0? Who was first?

Ah ha ha! Devil's advocate! None of the others had a 4.0. I didn't have a 4.0. I just happened to have the highest GPA.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

OP, I just read your response note, and I must admit that I totally loved it! You seem to be a very intelligent, very giving, and understanding person. You and your love will get through this. I hope that all of the comments that you read here on this post will help you to have some idea of what a challenge nursing school can be. You both are furthering your careers and improving yourselves through education, and it will be a hard, but successful road. Since you have actually taken the time and the commitment to seek out this website, that alone shows how dedicated you are to her and to your relationship.

I wish you heartfelt and sincere well wishes as you both embark on this path.

[JenniferSews]

I would have gone to nursing school right out of high school, but made a poor life choice to love someone who wasn't supportive. So it wasn't until I was 35 and had 3 kids before I finally graduated. My husband was amazing and supportive and it was yet another growing experience in our relationship that brought us much closer. As a team nothing can defeat us! Time seems so valuable when you are in a new relationship or very young. But the support and sacrifice you show for your GF now will reap endless rewards in a strong and healthy relationship. Think of it as an investment in a happy future. Best of luck to both of you!

[darlink]

The best thing you can do is be supportive and give her the space she needs. It took me 8 months to get an RN job after I graduated from nursing school. I started the job two weeks after getting married. It was 130 miles from home. I lived part time there and part time with my husband. It was very hard on him but he knew it was my only job option and that once I got experience I would be able to get a job closer to home (which I have since been able to do). Life is not always what we want it to be, but if you put up with the bad, good comes out of it. We now have bought a house and I have an 8-5 job and I'm home every night. We also started dating while I was in nursing school. He understood I had school obligations and I worked two jobs and he was also working on a Master's degree. School came first but we found time to spend together. As others have said...this is only a temporary situation...but in the end its worth it.

[mrsinquisitive]

OP: Stop by anytime! :)

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

OP: Stop by anytime! :)

AGREED!!!!!

[Moogie]

OP: Stop by anytime! :)

Yes, and tell your girlfriend about us! We'd love to have her here!