Sponsor relapsed

  1. I have been in the program 7 months. I came out of rehab with not many options sponsor wise. In my area there sadly is not enough clean time in the NA rooms. I went with the best option and this lady had 2 years and worked a good program. At least it seemed she was. My sponsor was very open about admitting to being on methadone and taking rx tramadol. I felt a little uneasy, but ok. I just never felt a connection. She didn't work so she didn't understand what it was like balancing work and recovery. She couldn't understand the stress when I was talking about being in a monitoring program and the fear of losing my license. How could I expect her to understand? There was just, I don't know, no "spark" there. No connection. In the NA rooms here people told me I would relapse "because nobody gets it the first time and relapse is apart of recovery". OMG!!!!!!!! Really!!! That is absurd! A motto I heard in rehab and I stick with it is "relapse is not a requirement". I was given a second chance. My license has no disciplinary action on it. I WAS SO DAMN LUCKY AND BLESSED to be given this second chance. That is why I am do determined and DEDICATED to my recovery. So needless to say, I got a new sponsor and next month I am moving OUT OF THIS TOWN!

    Long story short, last week my (old) sponsor showed up at a meeting totally out of it. Denying she relapsed she had a fentanyl patch on her arm that she bought of a girl not in the program. Sad.

    My higher power is amazing though. My new sponsor has about 7 years clean. She too is in a recovery program because she is a nurse. She finally decided to petition and get her license back. We have that spark. That connection. That kindred spirit almost. It is a two way street. She helps me but it also helps her.

    Not sure why I had to blurt this all out there. Maybe so I can get my so many number of posts it so this site will actually let me repond to my private messages in my inbox.

    Hugs to all the nurses out there in recovery!
    Keep fighting the good fight!
  2. Visit TorsadesRN profile page

    About TorsadesRN

    Joined: Apr '12; Posts: 24; Likes: 69


  3. by   subee
    We recently had a sponsor commit suicide. So very painful. But you now have the oppoortunuty to be wiser in your choice for your new guide.
  4. by   wish_me_luck
    I agree relapse isn't a requirement...I don't know if that group is a generic NA group or healthcare provider related one, but if it's generic, then they don't seem to understand that nurses (and other health professions) have to stay clean and sober. We don't have that option to relapse....if we do, then we are in trouble. That's the way I look at it...so, I work AA and Caduceus and I find other outs when I get cravings (I have found doing art projects, volunteering, and drinking coffee helps). I also do talk therapy. I finally found a good therapist I like. *knock on wood*
  5. by   GA_RN2006
    Im getting ready to start NA meetings next week but I'm not sure how they work. How do you get a sponsor? Also do they sign a paper saying you have attended the meetings?
  6. by   VivaLasViejas
    Relapse has NEVER been an option as far as I'm concerned. I've come close a few memorable times, but nothing is worth losing what I've worked so hard for during these past two decades. Glad to see you're so determined, Torsades!
  7. by   amygarside
    Keep fighting! I hope you will be able to find the will power to overcome this phase in your life.
  8. by   TorsadesRN
    I have always said "relapse is not an option"! I live by that. The NA room I am referring to is a generic NA room. There are no caduceus meetings or healthcare professional meetings in this area. Closest one is two hours away. I am moving to a nice area next month and my plan is to start one in that area because the need is definatly there.

    GA_RN.....good luck starting with NA meetings. Once you go to a couple meetings you will get a feel for people who you may want to be a sponsor. There are free pamplets in the rooms and one is on sponsorship. I suggest reading it. It may help. I personally believe with sticking with the winners. Avoiding the negativity. I stayed near the people who had some time, who are working the program and who reach out to the newcommers. And yes, they will sign an attendance slip for you saying you were there. Just keep an open mind. The program works if you work it.
  9. by   LilgirlRN
    You may find that AA has sponsors with longer time in the program without relapsing. Here there is a huge drug problem and therefore huge NA meetings. Lots of kids buying from each other etc. I was taught that any addiction is the same. If you were on pills etc just think of it as solid alcohol. Some AA sponsors won't take on an NA sponsee but many will.
  10. by   StinkMomBomb
    Anyone care to share their stories in a PM?
  11. by   gonzo1
    Good job with your current progress Torsades. I can't imagine how hard it must be. Keep on the brave fight. I'm glad that you are moving to a better area. Starting your own group might be a great idea. If you have to be a role model for others it might bolster your resolve even more.
    Whenever you need encouragement or a lift come on here. We can/will help. I don't personally have any experience with your particular situation but I am sending positive vibes and hugs. You can do this.
  12. by   BostonTerrierLoverRN
    No Way, I had such hard time identifying with NA. I am finishing my 5th year as of passing November 18, and I was supremely criticized for picking a female (old enough to be my mother) for a sponsor. She was like a drill seargent but had plenty of clean time. I trusted her, and followed her direction. Relapse doesn't have to be part of recovery, and trust me, I know what it's like to "have to get it right." I can only tell you cling to your higher power, and be totally honest with yourself. Don't let your mind trick you into that crap of relapse is needed, it's an excuse that can revoke us.

    You are doing great, honestly tell people how you feel let down, and that you need another sponsor-network if you have too, but you can do this. You can do this because when I stepped into Detox, I said, "I can't do this." and again at rehabilitation for 90 days, "I can't do this." I did it, or I'm here sober. YOU CAN DO THIS. Vent, then calmly proceed to getting another sponsor. Success is sweet. It does get better. It does get easier. There are now weeks that go by without even thinking of that drug I so LOVED. You can have that too.

    God Bless. Your worth this.
  13. by   TorsadesRN
    Thanks everyone. Only a nurse, or other medical profession with a license, can fully understand that added stress on us. We, or at least I, get ONE CHANCE. Relapse really isn't a option. To me, to relapse would be to take that license and tear it up and throw it away because that would be the choice I was making if I were to pick up.

    I am so thankful to have all you recovering nurses on this forum. It is such a comfort to know there are other nurses out there who fully understand. We all need a support system. Just reading encouraging words on this forum keeps me clean and sober another day.

    Hugs to all....I'm off to a meeting.
  14. by   nebrgirl
    Glad your moving, but if you don't find what you need there then keep looking. At one point when I was I was dealing a "different sort of issue" I drove 1 hour each way once a week for a meeting...and I would have driven double that if I had too....because at that point I needed what they had as bad as I needed air....be willing to go to any length. (obviously I didn't go to an English class