Nurses Eating Their Young

In homage to an allnurses member who wrote a wonderful article entitled "Nurses Are So Mean", I'd like to provide excerpts from my personal blog which I wrote not to long ago. I give enormous kudos and applause to the writer of this article, and I sincerely agree. It seriously is about taking the time to evaluate your self and your actions, and the rationales for your reactions. It is about looking inward... it is ultimately about personal growth and fulfillment. Nurses Relations Article

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If you haven't read the article "Nurses Are So Mean", it is a great read.

Typically, when mammals eat their young, it is an instinct which satisfies dominance. There is a clear lack of emotional bond and attachment, so what creates their desire to dominate? The young are simply perceived as a threat, that's what. A threat to what, you ask? To the natural progression of things. To safety. To the way things 'should' be. Naturally, when referring to nurses who eat their young, they don't take a young-wet-behind-the-ears-new-graduate into the break room, season 'em up with condiments and literally ingest them. Or, shall I say, I hope not. Besides, this most probably requires the taking of a full lunch break, and who the heck has time for that.

Let's be rationale. For us human type mammals, it's safe to say that in this case, the word "eat" implies a sense of "control over", "I'll tell you a thing or two", and "who do you think you are bouncing in here all bright eyed and bushy tailed on my territory".

Guess what it really means?

In case this is your first experience reading my writing, I like to utilize the analogy of pretending we live in the stone age to get points such as these across with humor and candor.

Say you go to work your shift, and your manager indicates that perhaps they forgot to mention this to you, uh..but you are such a strong nurse that you are a new graduate's preceptor for the next 6 weeks. You are wearing a uni-shouldered Betty Rubble frock, and are armed with a club. You have a bone in your hair. You are introduced to Penelope Perky, R.N. Good grief, even her club is new and fancy. (Go figure, yours has been used a lot more). A Littman drapes around her delicate swan-like neck, worn much like the Queen's sash, having just been coronated. Her clogs, a pair of shiny white virgins never knowing the warm pleasures of vomit, MRSA, liquid stool and urine. Her new name tag doesn't even have one lousy drop of blood on it, yet. Penelope is eager, full of fresh ideas, channeling her inner Florence Nightingale, ready to change the world. HA! What does she know! Your eyes narrow into slits, your pupils are pinpoint. You raise your club in the middle of morning report, ready to pounce on the threat to all that is.

Hold it right there. Here is the time to evaluate. Because you are a cave-person, you only speak in grunts, only experience feelings viscerally. If you were to only have one word available to you to describe your reaction, what would it be? What color is it? 'Where' do you feel it?

Why is it that you feel the need to strike? You are evolved, intelligent and insightful. Go beyond the primal instinct to devour. What the heck is the problem here?

That evening when you are in Wilma's kitchen ready to make a pot of pterodactyl soup, boil this down also:

From my loving heart space to yours, I share this with you, clubs down. Fear is the basis of all outward emotion. Yes, Ms. Thang, Ms. I-can-catheterize-a-nun-in-the-dark, Ms. Go-to for all of your unit's tough blood draws, Ms. I am on first name basis with every physician who has practicing privileges within 500 miles. You are fearful. But, of what, and why?

Consider

  1. Fear of change
  2. Fear of actualizing skill sets which you need work on
  3. Fear of being perceived as something less than or inferior to who you would like to be perceived as
  4. Fear of a shift in the hierarchy of your unit
  5. Fear of having to address issues about why you respond to things in the manner which you do
  6. Fear of growth
  7. Fear of other's acceptance of and the embracing of new staff
  8. Fear of not being able to feel safe
  9. Fear of the unexpected
  10. Fear of aging

Be secure in who you are. Do self love and boundary work. Elevate your consciousness for the sake of embracing the goodness of all. Eliminate feelings of threat. Forgive past circumstances for causing you pain and heart ache. Love yourself enough to accomplish these things. You are worthy of the care which you provide to others. Be kind to new nurses. (They may have to give you an enema some day). Above all, always remember to Nurse Your Spirit!

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
deginurse said:
from my experience, the nurses who say that "nurses eat their young" are the ones who actually "eat their young" or are hard on new grads. the other 90% of nurses I know are very helpful, kind, considerate, and enjoy helping out new nurses.

it has been my experience that those who claim "nurses eat their young" are not the ones who are hardest on new grads, but rather those new grads who find it most difficult to adjust to the workplace. for example, the nurse who showed up for work every day about five to fifteen minutes late and spent the rest of her shift trying to foist her work off on others. I heard her say, as she left the manager's office, "no wonder they say that nurses eat their young. I've been here every day I'm scheduled. what do they want, anyway?" the nurse who absolutely could not understand the concept of thinking critically was convinced that all of the negative feedback she was getting was because nurses eat their young, and the new grad who had to be counseled that bright red thongs under pale yellow, hip hugger scrubs and a top showing the entire top half of her boobs was inappropriate attire for the workplace was sure that all of us "old hags" just "hated her because she was beautiful."

eriksoln said:

I am saddened though to say, I have seen a return of this behavior with the recession. and when I say "return of this behavior", I mean both a return of nurses eating their young and of younger nurses using said slogan to belittle older nurses.

although I never would have thought to word it that way, you're right. new grads are using the slogan to belittle older nurses. or more experienced nurses. nurses from whom they might learn something. that's sad.

Specializes in ED, Critical Care, Peds & Nursery.

I totally agree with Ruby Vee....it also has been my experience that there has been a shift in nursing - to some extent gone are the days where people chose to be a nurse becasue they had a desire to care for patients and were truly there at the bedside for others not themselves. I have had several student nurses and new grads tell me they went to nursing school because the money is good and there will always be a need for nurses - "they won't get laid off." with this kind of mentality and believing that being a nurse is easy and having unrealistic expectations when they finally get to their first nursing job sets them up for believing that constructive criticism is nurses being mean or hateful. Nursing school does not teach you everything you need to know about nursing!

Conversely, I have seen seasoned nurses with solid experience start a new position and the nurses (young and old) being difficult, unsupportive and down right mean. It happens at all levels.

It baffles my mind that in a climate of very acutely ill patients, high acuity assignments and short staffing, why nurses would not be supportive of others and welcoming a new nurse to their unit. The challenge for us is being the nurse that does not participate in this behavior and standing up for the new nurse or intervene when witnessing a situation.

Specializes in ER/Ortho.

I recently resigned from my first nursing job because I was tired of being the main dish. I am a new RN, and never thought this would happen to me. I am older myself, and generally get along with others. I went to work everyday on time with a smile on my face. Other than my schools clinical rotations I had never worked in a hospital before so I was very inexperienced. I had never gotten drugs out of the acudose, never given a lot of drugs I was encountering, never worked with the computer system, never handled the paperwork (We didn't do these things as students). I started with a great preceptor and was making progress. She said I was doing great, and gave me great written reviews. After a few weeks they switched my preceptor out of the blue, and my then preceptor was just as shocked as I was. The new preceptor was actually younger than me. She would dissappear for long periods of time going out to the parking lot to smoke. She would spend a lot of time sexting on her cell phone with guys she was dating off the internet, and if I asked her a question acting like I was disturbing her. She would look up from time to time to share with me some of the message or socialize with other nurses about her lastest exploits. I was basically begging her to teach me. I remember asking to show me something when the next ambulance arrived, and she said she would. When it showed up she said,"you got this I am going to go have a smoke". If I asked her something in a patients room she would humiliate me in front of the patient. It was almost like a game. If I was walking from one room to another and went past the nurses station she would ORDER me to do something in a mean, loud voice, and some of her buddies would laugh. They would make comments like "you so mean, go get em ****". The nicer nurses would come by, and pat me on the back, and tell me how sorry they were. They would encourage me, and try to give me strength. These were generally the more experienced nurses with the exception of maybe one or two. In addition to the preceptor the managment were also bullies. There was a constant element of fear from everyone in regards to getting on managments bad side. How you would be fired for no reason, group oned etc. I went to them for help, but basically told it was me, and the preceptor was a good nurse, and trying to help me. I am starting my new job at another hospital in a couple of weeks, and I really hope it works out better.

Specializes in LTC.

when I was a new nurse I was terrified !! I never thought Id "get it" or "be like them" because they all seemed to know sooo much more than me I have only got to train a few nurses in the past few years but I they are still around so something must have went right. My coworkers, 2 of them actually, WERE MY nurses when I had my son in the hospital. That was a lil weird but oh well.

But......what about nurses who have the same amount of experience as you do, who come to work at the same place as you yet they act and come across like they just know absolutely everything? What about the new ones who come in who think they dont need any training? And dont want to hear any help you can offer?

A nurse I went to school with came to work where I do, got the most sought after positioin straight away from her hire date, charts like a textbook which is very questionable when one sees it, and manages to leave early every sngle day..out of 6 12 hour shifts in a 2 wk period, she might work one full shift. Yet, in school, she was the biggest airhead known to man kind hahaha....my how things change?

Great article.. Question tho.. Where do all you nice nurses work b/c I wanna work there... Im dreading the day I start and say good morning and a "old school" nurse greets me snarling saying "gooo awaaaay"

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
great article.. question tho.. where do all you nice nurses work b/c i wanna work there... im dreading the day i start and say good morning and a "old school" nurse greets me snarling saying "gooo awaaaay"

i'm not sure why you're expecting an "old school" nurse to greet you by snarling and telling you to go away. but if that's your expectation, it tells me you aren't anticipating getting along with your more experienced colleagues. i wonder why.

i'm not sure why you're expecting an "old school" nurse to greet you by snarling and telling you to go away. but if that's your expectation, it tells me you aren't anticipating getting along with your more experienced colleagues. i wonder why.

i apologize if i came across negative. im actually looking foward to working with everybody i come across.. whether the experience is positive or not as positive as i may like.

Specializes in Med/Surg, Academics.
i'm not sure why you're expecting an "old school" nurse to greet you by snarling and telling you to go away. but if that's your expectation, it tells me you aren't anticipating getting along with your more experienced colleagues. i wonder why.

well, about half the posts here are supportive of the experiences new grads face, and the other half aren't.

we must be oriented, but i've seen posts where nurses hate orienting and precepting. (working with someone who doesn't want to work with you is fun!)

we are advised to ask questions, but figure out when the "best time" to ask questions is. (where's my mind reader; i must have left it at home.)

don't "know it all," but show the person orienting you that you are "getting it." (i think i know what this practically means, but i could be wrong.)

don't take anything personally because we have to understand when the person teaching us is having a bad day. (i'll leave my bad days at home until i have five years experience?)

cnas/pcts--and even nursing students--who accuse the new grad of being "too good" to wipe a butt and state they'll help other nurses before you, and experienced nurses saying, "you have responsibilities that are out of their scope of practice. help them when you can, but not when you can't." (rock, meet hard place.)

sometimes i think finding this site was the worst possible thing for me. other times, i think it just lets me know what to expect so i don't go into it blind. i just want to do a damned fine job for my patients when i graduate, but there seems to be so much more expected of me that has absolutely nothing to do with patients and the care i deliver.

I just finished RN school in May, 2007! I still remember what my 1st Med/Surg Instructor said, "if U find a nurse that knows it all, run just as fast as U can, in the opposite direction! A Nurse that knows it all is a dangerous person to be caring for anybody!" There's always room to learn more & improve yourself no matter who U are!

Specializes in Hospice, ER.

Great article. I actually had a nurse yell at me today and tell me that she doesn't like me and I am annoying because I had the nerve to say that if she does not like her job she should quit. Now mind you, she did nothing but complain about how horrible our place of work is from the minute she arrived until she left. I took the high road and ignored her. She also proceded to drop "stink bombs" throughout the day and to try to get everyone to agree with her how wonderful she is. Please. Grow up. It is about patient care, not her personal problems. Leave it at the door. A bully is a bully is a bully.

Specializes in ICU, SICU, Burns, ED, Cath lab, and EMS.

Hi everybody,

I love being around new graduates and precepting them. After 22 yrs of high acuity nursing, I felt that I needed a challenge. Anesthesia school was my poison of choice. I figured getting along with people was the best way not to make enemies. I encountered the worst feeding frenzy involving MDA and CRNAs in clinicals. I felt that I was an excellent nurse before school, after being in clinicals I was repeatly demoralized. This atmosphere is the pinnacle of eating their young. Out of school without a degree trying figure out my next step. Being helpful, nurturing, and patient go a long way to new nurses. Dont add to the stress of being a new nurse. I havent forgot what its like, even before I was slapped awake figuratively.

For what its worth.

Skip219

Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
debanam said:
great article. I actually had a nurse yell at me today and tell me that she doesn't like me and I am annoying because I had the nerve to say that if she does not like her job she should quit. now mind you, she did nothing but complain about how horrible our place of work is from the minute she arrived until she left. I took the high road and ignored her. she also proceded to drop "stink bombs" throughout the day and to try to get everyone to agree with her how wonderful she is. please. grow up. it is about patient care, not her personal problems. leave it at the door. a bully is a bully is a bully.

so you saw someone stomping around and having a bad day and you took it upon yourself to tell her she should quit her job, and you're surprised that she then told you she didn't like you? of course it's annoying to have a co-worker complaining all day long, but I fail to see how that makes her a bully. nor is complaining all day "eating young." it's just someone in a bad mood (whether or not it's a perpetual bad mood) complaining about it all day. if you tell her she should quit her job and she yells at you, that's you asking to get yelled at.

surly co-workers are hard to take, but unless it's a constant issue, they're targeting you personally or you have supervisor status over them, just leave them alone and let them work it out. and if you pretend that you're interested in their personal problems -- or at least as if you care that they have personal problems, then aren't you showing compassion and empathy?

it's not all about the patients. some of it has to be about each other.