Am curious. How do you do daycare/sitters? Cuz i'm pondering going back to work after i have this baby, probably by early summer when the baby is a bit older. Anyway, i have a 3 year old and a 15 mth old as well. I know daycare would be expensive, i've already called around. is all i have to say. lol $720 for 5 days a week (regardless of how often they are there) for my 2 boys, NOT counting the new baby. So my DH and i decided that if i go back, its more to get me back in the game than anything, the money will be nice but it HAS to fit our family. So probably part time or prn will be what i do. No more than 2 days a week. We are going to TRY to do it so DH can be home with them, but if not i need a backup system. But everywhere i call they can't be dropped off before 630am-7am and have to be picked up by 5 or 6. WELL the problem with that is that i will most likely be working 12 hour shifts (that's all the hospital offers) and they are from 6-6. So i'm curious, what other options should i explore??? I'd really prefer a private sitter, but i know that can be costly as well. Someone to come to my home, ya know? Its not really about the money, i mean not the only thing, ya know??? So i'm just curious, how do you guys do it??
I am in a similiar situation. I am going to, Lord willing, be starting nursing school in the fall and I have 3 children. Two of them will be in school but I will have a 3 year old at home. I really don't want him to have to go to daycare since my others didn't (I am a sahm now) and am now torn because my husband works days and I have no family close by. I could either wait 2 more years to start school, which I really don't want to do, or put him in childcare while I'm in school. My husband is upset because he thinks it will be a waste of money to pay for childcare, when I haven't even started working yet and our money is tight already.
I feel kind of selfish because I want to be able to start working when my youngest starts school and I need to go to school to be able to do that ( in a career that I want). Does this make sense to anyone?
In a way I think he is right but in another way I feel like if I wait I will not go! I have been a sahm for 6 years and am a registered childcare provider. I have just gotten clearance to take in foster kids so I am hoping that I will be able to keep fostering when I start school. That way the kids will be in school when I'm in school and I'll also be home with them when they are home. This way I will still be making money and also be able to go to school. Am I being too unrealistic? so you don't think I am fostering just for the money let me just tell you that I've been working on getting this clearance with this specific place that deals with teens and their problems at home for at least 6 months and have finally gotten it and I am excited to start helping some of the teens in my area. The thing is they will only be in my home for a few hours each night and on the weekend through this mentoring program so it won't take away from any time with them.
It works for me but not every one likes it. I've talked to several mom's who couldn't wait to get back to work full time after having their babies. Not me. I cried everyday thinking I was going to have to leave my kids.
With my oldest she did go to daycare, but I'm glad to have her home now, and wish I hadn't missed so much with her.
I left behind an Adm. position, tried 11-7 neither of them worked (for me). In reality I see my husband more now than I did in either of those positions. And I definetly see my kids now.
Wow! This one hits a nerve w/ me. For probably 99+% of parents, the kids are the #1 priority. This is whether or not they attend day-care. It is not for everyone, but it is a choice good parents make at times. I have seen what I consider "bad" parents who send their kids to daycare 5 days a week and work is their life. I also happen to live in a neighbourhood where several SAHM's and one SAHD let their children roam so freely that I' d call the SPCA if they were pets. (Yes, I've said something to them on occasion.) I have 3 kids and I am convinced that it is not staying at home every second of the child's life w/ them that is the deal breaker, but what you impart to them and how you bond w/ them. I did send my kids to daycare part-time when they were little. I checked out the provider and had someone who I was happy w/ who did things a lot like I did. My sister sent her son to daycare 5 days a week since age 6 weeks. It would not be something that would work for me. This young man is now a sophomore at Princeton University and a son that any parent would dream of having. He is just driven to succeed and was always assured that he was loved, valued, and could do anything he set about to do.
My mother-in-law was lamenting to me last week that her 2nd oldest granddaughter who is 3 months younger than my oldest is depressed and socially withdrawn. She complained that this girl's mom has done "everything right" for this girl and how she quit working to make this child her #1 priority as soon as she was born. Well, I told her the mom shouldn't blame herself. it is certainly a big bad world out there and lots of things come into play w/ depression. I also told her that she had no right to assume that those who don't quit working aren't making their kids the number 1 priority in their lives. You can raise good kids and bad kids and good kids who go bad. It is a multi-faceted process and if it was as simple as a life-style choice, then everyone in my generation and older would be doing just peachy and there'd be no need for things like jail or prozac because everyone's mom stayed home then. Do what makes you and your kids/family happy and works out. It won't be perfect, but it is your choice. Your kids always come first, but there are many means to this end. Don't let anyone guilt you into telling you you are not a good parent because the same life-style choice they've made doesn't suit you. If you stay home all the time and you're happy w/ that decision, then great, if not, be very aware that you're still a good parent and you are the one raising your kid. At the young age, your children are, you are the one w/ the decision making power. One of the many benefits of nursing, is that it isn't just
M-F from 9-5, so you may have a little more flexibility than w/ some other occupations. I think it would cost facilities a lot of $ at the outset to become more parent-child friendly, I think it could be recovered many times over by increasing job-stisfaction and thus retention of the nursing staff. Whatever you decide best of luck for a happy and healthy pregnancy and in everything you do w/ your family.
Well said imenid37. Spending quality time with your kids and being a parent that gives love, structure, guidance and discipline is what the focus should be on, not on how many hours a day you are physically present with them. I live by the motto that if God brings it to you he'll bring you through it.Finding a solution to your problem will require you to be creative, but hang in there and you'll find something that works. JMHO
I think I can, I think I can----The little engine that could
This shouldn't be a debate about who is the better mom. The OP asked how each of us handles being a nurse and having kids and each of us has a unique experience. I'm pretty sure she wanted us to be honest and I don't think anyone has bashed people who work. I guess all I'd like to say is that from my perspective of having adult children and a toddler, time flies. Really zooms by. So just take time to realize that when you make your decisions. I just read a touching article by a father this morning that sort of sums up how my husband and I feel, which I will post below. Everyone needs to make decisions based on what is right for their own family. But it certainly doesn't hurt to talk to other parents and get advice.
The Waver in the Window
By David J. Stipech
Each morning as I head out the front door, my littlest girl, 10-year-old Jessie, always says, " 'Bye, Dad! I'm gonna wave!"
And as I pull away, I pause in the street to see her little hands and arms motioning lovingly from our living room window. I wait long enough to blow her kisses and wave back as I drive off. I consciously take a mental picture to capture the moment. I realize this daily ritual between Jessie and me will not go on forever.
It wasn't too long ago that there were two full-time wavers in the window. And a seeming moment before, there were three. Eventually--a time fast approaching--I won't pause in the street and blow kisses, because the window will be empty.
At age 40, I'm grateful for many things. Perhaps most of all, I'm grateful for the awareness and perspective God has given my wife and me about the preciousness of life and the brevity of time. These days it's easy for us distracted dads and maxed-out moms to get so caught up in our busy lives that the little things that represent huge blessings can go unnoticed.
Consciously seeing
From early in our marriage, we both knew that the children we were bringing into the world were miraculously a gift from God. We knew they were ours, not to keep, but to steward as one of God's greatest wonders and highest priorities. We knew that we would have this marvelous opportunity only for a season and that it would be here and gone in the snap of our fingers.
Today, with Kristopher at age 17, Alicia a year younger and "little" Jessie in double digits, we're thankful for the choices we've made---many of them difficult: to bypass many of the material goods of this world for the blessing of time spent building deep relationships with these special ones.
The jobs have come and gone, the hopes have risen and fallen, and the path behind us is sprinkled with successes and failures. But mostly, there are a lot of great memories. Some are captured in photos, but many more are etched only in the scrapbook of our hearts as constant reminders of this rapidly passing time that we have together as a family.
The last . . .
I don't know precisely when it occurred, but one day, without any ceremony, there was the last time I gave my two oldest kids a bath. And they weigh too much now, but there also must have been that one last throw-them-on-the-bed-before-bedtime moment. Although I'm not lamenting its passing, there was certainly a last diaper change. And boy, cleaning out the garage became an emotional time of letting go of those baby clothes--each one a vivid memory of a little girl in a Christmas dress or little boy in a nifty pair of tiny blue sandals.
I enjoyed the whole time--okay, most of it--I spent teaching my son how to drive, and we have "guy things" that we do away from the ladies of the house, like catching the latest sci-fi movie. Yet wasn't it just a few days ago when I was going down the slide with 2-year-old Kristopher in my lap?
Still, people ask: "Isn't quality time better than quantity time?" Not even close. It is the little moments, the unplanned, cute things they say or do, that weaves our kids' lives into the fabric of our own. A few good minutes a week doesn't take the place of watching them discover a butterfly or hearing them r-e-a-d-i-n-g a book for the first time.
Time is the key
For kids to learn to honor people over things, love over performance and eternal over temporal, you must spend time--lots of it--together. It's not just to enjoy their younger years, but so they can see your lives in action. This closeness and sharing of our lives communicates love, acceptance, encouragement and vision that cannot be achieved in any other way.
It still makes my day when Alicia's message is the first greeting I get when I reach the office. Checking my voice mail, I hear, "Good morning, Dad. Just wanted to say I hope you have a great day! I love you, Dad." But I am constantly aware that her loving, young voice on the phone is not forever, either.
While I have made my family a top priority, I, too, missed moments early on I'd give anything to have back. I'm thankful that they have not been too many and that God has shown me how to make necessary adjustments. Every day provides new opportunities for me to create a memory with my kids, even now.
If you have young kids at home, or even some who are older, there's still time to realize and savor the treasure that they are. Starting now, seize each day and appreciate each fleeting, precious moment. Meanwhile, I'll pause in the street, blow kisses, wave, count my blessings--and count down the time remaining to enjoy my last little waver in the window.
******************************************
You are missing the truly important stuff if . . .
* the kids are startled when you want to interact with them.
* a fun weekend for you is working at the office, or working in the yard--by choice, not necessity.
* there are many days when you don't see your kids because you're out of the house before they awake and home after they're in bed.
* you'd rather spend your evening on the Internet than sleeping under the stars with your child.
* "Not now, I'm busy" is a common phrase in your home, while "Come sit down and tell me about it" is not in your vocabulary.
* you're never off the cell phone.
* you know the Dow Jones average but haven't a clue about your son's batting average.
* when you say, "I'll play with you later," you actually think there will be a "later."
. . . and what to do if treasured times are passing you by
* Stop wherever you are reading this--use a cell or pay phone if you have to--and call your kids to say you love them, wherever they are.
* Update the family photos in your wallet. Replacing the baby picture with the graduation photo should serve as a wake-up call.
* Treasure the "routine" activities at every stage of every age--baths, play, bedtime reading.
* Hug, kiss, encourage and pray with your children each day. You won't regret it. And they won't forget it.
Stevie Lynn. I respect your decision and I hope you have things work out the way you want for yourself, but I think, as I have been made to feel, that an employed mom is a less optimum mom than a SAHM in the opinion of many people. I think a happy mom is the ideal mom or a happy dad the ideal dad. For a variety of reasons, people make their choices. Life is too short to be unhappy. I work w/ several people who yearn to be at home. I wish them luck, however, my kids are no less a priority to me than theirs are to them or yours are to you. I love and enjoy my kids more than anything else in life. If they need me and work does too, they (the kids) get me. No question. That is not to say that I do not enjoy my work as a nurse and I don't feel like I should feel guilty about that. My youngest is very tight w/ my husband even though he works all day and has a 2 hr. commute every day. I guess, I was saying to the original poster, that I hope she does what makes her happy and her kids happy, even if that's not what you or I would decide. As a parent, I know one of the things that makes me sad is how we are often in competition to prove that we are a better parent than someone else. I hear other nurses I work with and other familiy members constantly slamming the parenting styles or choices that others make when none of us are perfect. I am not talking about pathology like beating your kid or inflicting harsh punishment, but things like giving snacks or having day care vs. your parents watch your child. As a parent of a 15, 14, and 11 year old, I think sometimes keeping your mouth shut is the best strategy. We don't like to tell others how to spend their $, but we have no qualms about criticizing how they raise their children. (sorry to be off track) To answer the original question: Here's what I do. I work every weekend 7p-7a not for premium pay, I wish I did, but for the standard rate for a nurse w/ my years of experience. Works for me and my husband w/ his long commute and he gets 5 weeks vacation from the fed. gov't so we do lots of things on the weekdays in the summer. No daycare for the past 7 years, I haven't needed it. I started doing this because my oldest child has JRA and was at one time very ill. I needed to work, but she needed me or my husband at home w/ her too, so I have kept at it and although at first it was temporary, I've grown to accept it and don't have plans to change it any time soon.
Imenid37 . . . . . I think we agee here and there is no argument.
Each family needs to decide for themselves.
My only suggestion for all of us is to realize how quickly kids grow up and to savor your time as parents. Being able to stay at home does not guarantee that you will put your kids first. I never said one style of parenting was better than another.
In the article from the father I posted, he was still driving away to work, while waving at his child. I realize we have to work to live and don't believe in some Utopia where no one has to work at all.
Actually, my intention before having my son was after my teenagers headed off to college, I wanted to travel to the mission field and donate my time as a nurse. No bureaucracy sounds lovely to me. I do not intend to stay with hospital nursing but will for the time being. I only want to work part-time. I'm lucky that we can do this.
my kids do once a week daycare, for 4 hours, every monday morning...it's good socialization...
i just don't understand the CNAs (in my facility) with young kids that work m-f 9-5, and work double weekends also...They pay upwards of 1000/month for m-f daycare, and their grandparents watch the kids on the weekends...
They never see their kids...
do the math, it makes no sense to work both jobs, when you are only ending up w/ 2-300 dollars extra per month (after childcare expenses)
besides, there is much more than the daycare bill
gas, freeway time, car insurance, etc...
the 30 minute commute now requires you to get your kid up early, drag him to daycare, fighting traffic, working until 530, picking him up at 6p (rushing to get there, as it closes at 6p), and eating take-out 4 nights/week...
the cost seems greater to me than just money...now w/ traffic, the kid is in daycare 9-10 hours a day, you are too exhausted after work to do anything...
I don't mean to come off as having all the answers, but taking alternate schedules during the child's first 6 years, seems almost imperative, does it not?
this career affords us many opportunities and schedules...take the DON job when your kids are in school. do shift work while they are at home all day...
our parents and grandparents made sacrifices to keep us at home, why shouldn't we?
Only you know how much money you need to earn. Consider working weekends only -- two 12-hour shifts on weekends (especially if you work nights) might work for you. Negotiate and advocate for yourself -- hospitals NEED nurses to work weekends -- you should try to negotiate for EVERYTHING that you can get. If your goal is to be home with your children as much as you can, this might work for you. Yes, you will may need to have someone watch the kiddos while you sleep ... but you should save a fortune. You might consider working agency weekends only -- bet you'd be able to make some serious money, avoid daycare costs, and have the entire week to be mom.
It's not easy balancing a nursing career with motherhood -- but we've all done it. Do what is right for you and your family ..
Specializes in Case Mgmt; Mat/Child, Critical Care.
Steph,
The story you posted is very touching....and it demonstrates what, to me, is most imporant...spending time w/the most important people in my life, my family. I guess, because I have older children also, I see every day, how very, very fast time flies by. When I was 19 and 20, having my 1st 2 babies, everything else seemd important...finishing college, my part time job, blah, blah, blah. The kids were going to just "fit in" to the picture, work around my schedule...well, I soon realized that I was very unhappy w/that. Then after becoming a single mom and having a 2 & 3yo, it really became difficult. Thank God I had family to help me and even then, I worked w/e nights so I could be the primary caretaker. But time flew by, I finished nursing school, the kids were getting a little older...now they are graduating and making plans to move on.
Now I have 2 little ones and I treasure every moment w/them. Sometimes I just want time to stand still, b/k I KNOW that in a minute these precious babies will be all grown up, I will be that much older, and they will be living their own lives...and I realize how much I missed w/the first 2, even though I tried so very hard to be w/them as much as possible.
I don't think this is about who is the better parent, and certainly, I love being a nurse, I'm just so grateful that I have the opportunity to work this way, b/k I DO still have to work.
Again, everyone has to choose what works for them, and I think the OP is asking for ideas on how to make it all work...sometimes brainstorming w/friends really helps!
is all i have to say. lol $720 for 5 days a week (regardless of how often they are there) for my 2 boys, NOT counting the new baby. So my DH and i decided that if i go back, its more to get me back in the game than anything, the money will be nice but it HAS to fit our family. So probably part time or prn will be what i do. No more than 2 days a week. We are going to TRY to do it so DH can be home with them, but if not i need a backup system. But everywhere i call they can't be dropped off before 630am-7am and have to be picked up by 5 or 6. WELL the problem with that is that i will most likely be working 12 hour shifts (that's all the hospital offers) and they are from 6-6. So i'm curious, what other options should i explore??? I'd really prefer a private sitter, but i know that can be costly as well. Someone to come to my home, ya know? Its not really about the money, i mean not the only thing, ya know??? So i'm just curious, how do you guys do it??
JULZ
43 Posts
I am in a similiar situation. I am going to, Lord willing, be starting nursing school in the fall and I have 3 children. Two of them will be in school but I will have a 3 year old at home. I really don't want him to have to go to daycare since my others didn't (I am a sahm now) and am now torn because my husband works days and I have no family close by. I could either wait 2 more years to start school, which I really don't want to do, or put him in childcare while I'm in school. My husband is upset because he thinks it will be a waste of money to pay for childcare, when I haven't even started working yet and our money is tight already.
I feel kind of selfish because I want to be able to start working when my youngest starts school and I need to go to school to be able to do that ( in a career that I want). Does this make sense to anyone?
In a way I think he is right but in another way I feel like if I wait I will not go! I have been a sahm for 6 years and am a registered childcare provider. I have just gotten clearance to take in foster kids so I am hoping that I will be able to keep fostering when I start school. That way the kids will be in school when I'm in school and I'll also be home with them when they are home. This way I will still be making money and also be able to go to school. Am I being too unrealistic? so you don't think I am fostering just for the money let me just tell you that I've been working on getting this clearance with this specific place that deals with teens and their problems at home for at least 6 months and have finally gotten it and I am excited to start helping some of the teens in my area. The thing is they will only be in my home for a few hours each night and on the weekend through this mentoring program so it won't take away from any time with them.
Sorry for the length but wanted to make it clear!
JULZ