Am curious. How do you do daycare/sitters? Cuz i'm pondering going back to work after i have this baby, probably by early summer when the baby is a bit older. Anyway, i have a 3 year old and a 15 mth old as well. I know daycare would be expensive, i've already called around. is all i have to say. lol $720 for 5 days a week (regardless of how often they are there) for my 2 boys, NOT counting the new baby. So my DH and i decided that if i go back, its more to get me back in the game than anything, the money will be nice but it HAS to fit our family. So probably part time or prn will be what i do. No more than 2 days a week. We are going to TRY to do it so DH can be home with them, but if not i need a backup system. But everywhere i call they can't be dropped off before 630am-7am and have to be picked up by 5 or 6. WELL the problem with that is that i will most likely be working 12 hour shifts (that's all the hospital offers) and they are from 6-6. So i'm curious, what other options should i explore??? I'd really prefer a private sitter, but i know that can be costly as well. Someone to come to my home, ya know? Its not really about the money, i mean not the only thing, ya know??? So i'm just curious, how do you guys do it??
Moondancer . .thanks. I think that what I'm trying to add to the discussion from my perspective as an older mom with kids in college and a toddler is what I've already said . . . you don't realize how very fast time goes by.
My husband is amazed that he thought he could fit our kids around his schedule of work, softball, basketball, hunting, etc., when our older kids were babies. He worked out of town during the week when our daughter was born and she would cry when he would try to pick her up on the weekends - she didn't know him. He feels just awful about all he missed then because he is doing everything so different this time.
my kids do once a week daycare, for 4 hours, every monday morning...it's good socialization...
i just don't understand the CNAs (in my facility) with young kids that work m-f 9-5, and work double weekends also...They pay upwards of 1000/month for m-f daycare, and their grandparents watch the kids on the weekends...
They never see their kids...
do the math, it makes no sense to work both jobs, when you are only ending up w/ 2-300 dollars extra per month (after childcare expenses)
besides, there is much more than the daycare bill
gas, freeway time, car insurance, etc...
the 30 minute commute now requires you to get your kid up early, drag him to daycare, fighting traffic, working until 530, picking him up at 6p (rushing to get there, as it closes at 6p), and eating take-out 4 nights/week...
the cost seems greater to me than just money...now w/ traffic, the kid is in daycare 9-10 hours a day, you are too exhausted after work to do anything...
I don't mean to come off as having all the answers, but taking alternate schedules during the child's first 6 years, seems almost imperative, does it not?
this career affords us many opportunities and schedules...take the DON job when your kids are in school. do shift work while they are at home all day...
our parents and grandparents made sacrifices to keep us at home, why shouldn't we?
sean
this is a great idea and i completely agree, but if every one thought as you did we would not have any na's. organization's should realize this need for parents to be at home.
I've been a nurse for 14 years and am raising 5 children, ranging from ages 21 - 7. I have a lot of experience in dealing with sitters. I have used every avenue available for childcare. Including crying on my hands and knees in my living room begging God to help me find a good, reliable, honest, trustworthy, mature person to watch my children while I worked and stayed off welfare. In the midst of my crying and praying the doorbell rang and there stood a women approx. 23 years of age the first words out of her mouth were " Do you need a babysitter?" ( This is no lie.) After interviewing her and speaking with her mother I hired her thinking this was the answer to my prayers! This is how God answered my prayers! Anyway to make a long story somewhat short---My children and I believe, to this day some 10 years later, that she was not sent from God, but she was most certainly Satin's Spawn!!!
No children or animals were harmed during her stay as "our babysitter". I have had some reallly good sitters over the years. The best sitters were refered by people I knew personally. It's really tuff, hang in there.
Depending on your state, you can get good tax breaks highering a sitter to come into your home.
I started 3/5th eves after my dau was born, then 1/2 time after my son was born, now 2/5th because the kids are older and have more homework and activities. The weekdays which is now one day a week my mother in law watched them from 2-4:30p then my husband was home. Everyother weekend I work and my husband is home. This has worked for us.
Also look into whether or not some hospital do short shifts. I heard Kaiser here in California does. 4 hour shifts in the evenings would work. Also try registry so you can set your own times.
Sounds like working nights or on the weekends is a good option for you...It sucks working every weekend but that way one of us was always home with the kids, and I made better money on the weekend with the shift/wkend diffs. That way you are making money and not having to put your kids in day care. It is a very personal decision. Only you know what will work best for you....you will ALWAYS be able to get a job but your kids are only young once....GOOD LUCK!
I have a friend who worked for a year after becoming a nurse and then had a child and then another and has stayed home ever since. She keeps her licence current the same way we all do. She keeps up to date. But she wants to raise her kids. They live on a ranch for the developmentally disabled adults and they have, I think, 4 ranchers staying with them, including her brother who has Downs. You can keep your licence current and stay up to date without working.
I didn't work until my youngest started 1st grade and my schedule is 3 a.m to 3 p.m. I didn't need daycare, which is good since I'm like Deb and wouldn't use daycare.
My husband and I had a surprise baby when our kids where teens and now I work part-time and my in-laws have my son out at their ranch the two days I work.
But my goal is to be a stay-at-home mom again. I'm glad I'm a nurse but I LOVE BEING A MOM and being at home. Especially now that I've seen how very fast kids grow up. My eldest turns 21 in March, my second turns 19 this month and my daughter is 14 and my toddler is 2 1/2.
Life rushes by . . . . . find a way to slow it down.
Best wishes,
steph
hey Steph! I know i can maintain my license active without working, but my original state of licensure isn't the state i'm living in now. SOOO if i need to get a license here, i need to do it within the next year or i'm going to have to do some type of refresher and go thru hoops to get a license here if i DO want to go back to work later ya know?
I love being a SAHM too, but i honestly would LOVE to go work prn. IDEALLY if i could work one day a week, i'd be SO happy. Just enough to maintain my license, get some adult interaction and still nurse patients, but not be gone from home much. THEN i could build it around my DH's schedule so they could always be with daddy! I'm just worried i may be screwed since i've not worked in 3 years ya know?
Thanks for the input! WOW you spaced your kids out! How fun tho!!!!
What you are describing is is fairly typical of most hospitals. Obviously the daycare hours you describe are meant to accomadate the hospital administrators, not the people that do the real work in a hospital. I'm sure if you tried to explain this to an administrator you would get a blank stare, and nothing would change.( Except you are then labled as a trouble-maker, or worse.)
Oh,gee whiz, do I sound bitter? What a bad,bad nurse I am! Again, deep,cleansing breath, and getting off the soapbox.
Amazing isn't it? And they advertise this at most hospitals as a "benefit". A benefit to WHO?!? Surely not the nurses!!!
I am in a similiar situation. I am going to, Lord willing, be starting nursing school in the fall and I have 3 children. Two of them will be in school but I will have a 3 year old at home. I really don't want him to have to go to daycare since my others didn't (I am a sahm now) and am now torn because my husband works days and I have no family close by. I could either wait 2 more years to start school, which I really don't want to do, or put him in childcare while I'm in school. My husband is upset because he thinks it will be a waste of money to pay for childcare, when I haven't even started working yet and our money is tight already.
Well, its really a personal decision as to when you want to start school. Have you looked to see if there's childcare offered at the school you are going to go to? My college had that, i didn't have kids then but i thought that was pretty cool. Maybe the rates will be pretty good too. ALso, there's tons of schlorship stuff and grants and such for people with children, you might see if you can find something that will assist with tuition/child care, etc...
I feel kind of selfish because I want to be able to start working when my youngest starts school and I need to go to school to be able to do that ( in a career that I want). Does this make sense to anyone?
Makes sense to me, but again its only something you and your DH can decide! I understand what you are saying tho! Its so hard to decide!
In a way I think he is right but in another way I feel like if I wait I will not go! I have been a sahm for 6 years and am a registered childcare provider. I have just gotten clearance to take in foster kids so I am hoping that I will be able to keep fostering when I start school. That way the kids will be in school when I'm in school and I'll also be home with them when they are home. This way I will still be making money and also be able to go to school. Am I being too unrealistic? so you don't think I am fostering just for the money let me just tell you that I've been working on getting this clearance with this specific place that deals with teens and their problems at home for at least 6 months and have finally gotten it and I am excited to start helping some of the teens in my area. The thing is they will only be in my home for a few hours each night and on the weekend through this mentoring program so it won't take away from any time with them.
Hmmmmm......personally i do think you are being a little unrealistic. Maybe not unrealistic, but maybe aiming for too much at once, ya know? I have a friend who is fostering, and its turned out to be quite a handful with the teens she's got, who are really good teens as well. They require much more time than you may have to give IF you are attending a nursing program as well, you know? It might not be fair to them, or to you to stretch yourself that thin. Nursing school is SO demanding of your time, energy, attention, its amazing how much it sucks out of you. I mean you may only have 4-6 hours of class on a day, but you can bet on at LEAST that much of study time later in the evening, and that's along with your family committments as well. Its TOUGH. To try to commit yourself to other children may be overshooting a bit. Just my .02, but you just decide what you want to do and what you can handle! Only you can decide what you can handle!!!
Imenid37 . . . . . I think we agee here and there is no argument.
Each family needs to decide for themselves.
My only suggestion for all of us is to realize how quickly kids grow up and to savor your time as parents. Being able to stay at home does not guarantee that you will put your kids first. I never said one style of parenting was better than another.
In the article from the father I posted, he was still driving away to work, while waving at his child. I realize we have to work to live and don't believe in some Utopia where no one has to work at all.
Actually, my intention before having my son was after my teenagers headed off to college, I wanted to travel to the mission field and donate my time as a nurse. No bureaucracy sounds lovely to me. I do not intend to stay with hospital nursing but will for the time being. I only want to work part-time. I'm lucky that we can do this.
steph
i LOVE that article! The first one on the list made me cry! Its so true, that's how my dad was growing up. He never interacted with us as kids and when he did it always threw us for a loop! Thanks for sharing that great piece! :)
my kids do once a week daycare, for 4 hours, every monday morning...it's good socialization...
i just don't understand the CNAs (in my facility) with young kids that work m-f 9-5, and work double weekends also...They pay upwards of 1000/month for m-f daycare, and their grandparents watch the kids on the weekends...
They never see their kids...
do the math, it makes no sense to work both jobs, when you are only ending up w/ 2-300 dollars extra per month (after childcare expenses)
besides, there is much more than the daycare bill
gas, freeway time, car insurance, etc...
the 30 minute commute now requires you to get your kid up early, drag him to daycare, fighting traffic, working until 530, picking him up at 6p (rushing to get there, as it closes at 6p), and eating take-out 4 nights/week...
the cost seems greater to me than just money...now w/ traffic, the kid is in daycare 9-10 hours a day, you are too exhausted after work to do anything...
I don't mean to come off as having all the answers, but taking alternate schedules during the child's first 6 years, seems almost imperative, does it not?
this career affords us many opportunities and schedules...take the DON job when your kids are in school. do shift work while they are at home all day...
our parents and grandparents made sacrifices to keep us at home, why shouldn't we?
sean
I don't understand how the CNA's, etc..do it either. It doesn't compute to me. And its stupid for me to go back to work if in the LONG run i'm only bringing home minimum wage!!! :chuckle Not to mention being away from my beautiful boys for so long! Thanks for the post, made great sense!
Only you know how much money you need to earn. Consider working weekends only -- two 12-hour shifts on weekends (especially if you work nights) might work for you. Negotiate and advocate for yourself -- hospitals NEED nurses to work weekends -- you should try to negotiate for EVERYTHING that you can get. If your goal is to be home with your children as much as you can, this might work for you. Yes, you will may need to have someone watch the kiddos while you sleep ... but you should save a fortune. You might consider working agency weekends only -- bet you'd be able to make some serious money, avoid daycare costs, and have the entire week to be mom.
It's not easy balancing a nursing career with motherhood -- but we've all done it. Do what is right for you and your family ..
Yes this is what i'm thinking. I just hope i have the negotiation room based on my history, ya know?? I was talking to DH today and we were wondering what it would take for me to hire into one of those urgent care/ ambulatory clinics? That would be pretty good hours, half time probably, and easier to work around with our schedule. That or nights/weekends at the hospital is what i'm probably going to end up doing for all of us. It will be the best for my babies.
Could NEVER forget the dads! I'm so grateful and thankful, my DH works 2, sometimes 3 jobs just so i CAN stay at home and be with our kids. 60+ hours a week sometimes. Never complains, is always looking for the extra $$ for us, and still manages to spend good quality time with us. (sometimes more, sometimes less, but the effort is always there.) i know i'm lucky!!!
is all i have to say. lol $720 for 5 days a week (regardless of how often they are there) for my 2 boys, NOT counting the new baby. So my DH and i decided that if i go back, its more to get me back in the game than anything, the money will be nice but it HAS to fit our family. So probably part time or prn will be what i do. No more than 2 days a week. We are going to TRY to do it so DH can be home with them, but if not i need a backup system. But everywhere i call they can't be dropped off before 630am-7am and have to be picked up by 5 or 6. WELL the problem with that is that i will most likely be working 12 hour shifts (that's all the hospital offers) and they are from 6-6. So i'm curious, what other options should i explore??? I'd really prefer a private sitter, but i know that can be costly as well. Someone to come to my home, ya know? Its not really about the money, i mean not the only thing, ya know??? So i'm just curious, how do you guys do it??
Spidey's mom, ADN, BSN, RN
11,305 Posts
Moondancer . .thanks. I think that what I'm trying to add to the discussion from my perspective as an older mom with kids in college and a toddler is what I've already said . . . you don't realize how very fast time goes by.
My husband is amazed that he thought he could fit our kids around his schedule of work, softball, basketball, hunting, etc., when our older kids were babies. He worked out of town during the week when our daughter was born and she would cry when he would try to pick her up on the weekends - she didn't know him. He feels just awful about all he missed then because he is doing everything so different this time.
steph