nurses attacking nurses

[bethgrace]

I've been an RN for 23 years now, and there is an awful aspect of this profession that I will never get used to - nurses attacking and tearing down their fellow nurses. Nurses who seem to revel in trying to make themselves look good by trying to make other nurses look bad. Its at its worst in bedside type nursing. And worst of all in hospital nursing. I don't work in hospital nursing anymore because of it and am moving away from all patient care type situations. I can't stand it anymore. Most of the reporting that goes on is ridiculous and mean spirited. Managers need to stop feeding into this kind of nurse's behavior because it make life miserable for everyone else. I think some nurses are so scared of making a mistake themselves that they go looking for mistakes in others, and spend large amounts of their time reporting their coworkers. Or maybe they are just mean.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

I have worked with a manager who liked to tear down other nurses behind their backs. It was appalling. I could only imagine what she was saying about me.

I always try to peel back the reasons for someone's actions-like getting to the least common denominator. In one of the previous posts, it was stated that nurses like to point out other's errors because making a mistake in our profession is simply not tolerated. So I thought about the reasons WHY nurses do this to each other...and came up with a very simple answer: nobody likes to be the child standing in the corner, and we will do anything to avoid it. Humiliation is what we are trying to avoid. Basic common fear in all humans: humiliation.

I think another reason why people tend to tear each other down is because they have no "good drama" in their lives. All people want excitement, they crave to have something to look forward to. Somewhere along the lines of development, negative people got their wires crossed and only feed on seeing another cut to the quick as their "drama". Sad to say, but I think it is reality. I also think that is why there are so many "elimination reality shows" that are tremendously popular on TV. Someone has to get the axe.

Perhaps I am rambling and all of this is completely out in left field, but this is only my opinion.

[Flying ICU RN]

Men tend to shrug this stuff off.

Oh, I wouldn't be too quick to apply that notion across the board for any one gender.

[gymnut]

It goes on at every job no matter what the profession.

I never knew how bad it actually was until I became a supervisor myself. It was ALWAYS the same handful of people coming up to me on an almost daily basis whining and complaining about whoever or whatever.

If it was a serious complaint I got involved otherwise I said "If you're so concerned with what other people are doing how are you getting YOUR OWN JOB done?"

They never had an answer and eventually the complaints dies down. Especially when we enforced the chain of command policy.

[NoviceRN10]

I don't see this kind of behavior on my unit between the nurses; it is more prevalent between the PCAs, who actually complain to the mgr about each other. Fortunately the nurses I work with get along well and for the most part are supportive and helpful to each other.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

It goes on at every job no matter what the profession.

I never knew how bad it actually was until I became a supervisor myself. It was ALWAYS the same handful of people coming up to me on an almost daily basis whining and complaining about whoever or whatever.

If it was a serious complaint I got involved otherwise I said "If you're so concerned with what other people are doing how are you getting YOUR OWN JOB done?"

They never had an answer and eventually the complaints dies down. Especially when we enforced the chain of command policy.

How funny it is that you say this! I thought I was the only one! When I became charge nurse, I was very surprised at the nurses who at first glance, I thought were great people, only to realize that they griped CONSTANTLY at the front desk and always had an issue with something or someone. They would start in with "Well, I just can't work with so-and-so, and I think I am being shafted, I can't stand one more minute of working with XYZ...." on and on it went. If I commented on them getting back to their own jobs, they just looked at me dumbfounded and replied, "I just SAID that I can't work with so-and-so because....." It never ends!

[themoreyouknow]

You know what frosts my cookies? It isn't the nurses backbiting as much as this: how cowardly they are when approached.

Instead of going to a coworker Susy if there is an issue, some nurses run to every other nurse on the unit and then to the director. Poor Susy has no idea that everyone is talking about her. When the director calls her in to ask about an incident, she is shocked that everyone already knows. When she asks the nurse who reported her "Why didn't you come to me first?" - it chaps my hide to hear "I DIDN'T go to the director. Gosh. I don't know who did, but I would TOTALLY have had your back."

Grrrrrrr.....

If you don't have the cajones to say it to their face, then don't say it behind their back.

I don't put up with it. I confront people. If I hear they may have said something about me, I approach them calmly and flat out ask them "Sara, did you have a concern about the delivery we did last Saturday"

"No."

"There is absolutely nothing you want to discuss about that delivery with me?"

"Um, no. I mean, I don't think so. I can't think of anything."

"If you were to have a concern about something - such as why I didn't put a baby band on the father - I can rest assured you would speak to me about it, right? So I won't have to hear it second hand in the locker room?"

Usually by now...they get it. They realize they've been "caught". The other nurses get it too.

"No. If I have a problem.. I will let you know."

"Great, because having to explain that mom told me in private that she didn't want the father to have a band since he hadn't been involved in her pregnancy to ten different nurses could get very tiring. It would be much easier to just explain it to you - IF you had a concern, that is."

They will either talk about the concern or deny it completely. Either way - the other nurses present realize that you are putting a stop to the backbiting.

That's what I do. Sometimes working with women is rewarding. Sometimes it is exhausting! On our unit we are like sisters. Some days we wish mom had never given birth to her and other days we thank God that we have such an awesome sister, but the bottom line is that we do love each other. Even when we want to choke each other.

~Sherri

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

I was raised with three brothers and my mother passed early in my life. I have never understood the backbiting that seems to be prevalent in mostly female professions. Doesn't it save a lot more time to just come out and say what you have to say to the person who is ruffling your feathers? Why all the whispering behind backs? I don't get it. My brothers tell me I am way too dumb to understand workplace politics. I have to agree. I am just at a loss about why a person would rather complain about another person instead of talking to them. It seems like a big fat waste of time to me. Why don't people just ask for what they need from someone instead of beating around the bush and playing games in order to get what they really want? "Point A to Point B" seems a lot more efficient to me.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

instead of complaining about catty, backbiting nurses, why not just confront them as suggested above? ask someone if they have a problem with what you did -- you'll either get a chance to explain your thinking or hear their rationale for doing it a different way or both. so many people jump on a thread to complain about catty, backbiting, backstabbing nurses, but admit they didn't talk to the person directly. so i guess you could say that they were being catty, backbiting and backstabbing by running their co-workers down rather than talk to them.

of course, if you make an effort to talk to someone directly, they may just call you a nasty, vindictive *****. or worse.

it never fails to amuse me that so many people spend so much time online complaining about other nurses talking about them behind their backs and apparently don't see the irony. grow up and talk to the person.

[bethgrace]

Actually, I do go to the person who has been catty and speak to them directly regarding their accusations. This is, however, tiring. I'm supposed to be focusing my energy on my work and my patients. Ruby makes an assumption that none of us ever talk to our coworkers about these things and isn't it ironic how catty we're being by posting on a website about catty people. Who feels like defending themselves all the time to a nasty coworker? If talking to the coworker worked, I wouldn't need to look for support on a website, now would I. Nice try, Ruby.

[BluegrassRN]

Irony...I sees it.

[FutureNurse2B]

I'm so glad you brought this topic up and wished I would've came across this discussion years ago when I was a new nurse. I was bullied sooooooo badly as a new nurse at my first job. My fellow nurses were running to the manager and telling her mistakes I had made and running to each other and gossiping about me. Little did I know, the whole unit knew what I did wrong and were talking about it but smiling in my face. The worst part about it is when I worked several night shifts in a row sometimes, if someone complained about me after I left that morning, they wouldn't confront me that same night that I came back!!! They would say HI and pretend like nothing was wrong. But then I had to hear it from my manager of what that person that just said Hi to me complained about. HOW TWO-FACED!!!!!! This went on for months. I was so miserable and seriously had 2nd thoughts about my nursing career period. I thought that maybe I wasn't cut out for the job since I was getting so many complaints (and it would be silly small things like labeling tubing, or documentation, etc) The worst part was that my manager AND my preceptor completely did not have my back at all. I felt like they were in on it too. Most importantly, when I asked my manager why won't these people just tell me to my face what I did wrong b/c after all I am NEW and I am open to criticism, my manager would just tell me "Oh they aren't going to confront you. Everyone is scared of confrontation". Bull*****

Eventually another new nurse came along, and I was no longer under the microscope. She was now the new victim. They did the same thing to her as they did to me. They made her feel like crap and gossipped soooo badly about her. I immediately took her under my wing and encouraged her to just watch her back, triple check herself, and dot all her Is and cross all Ts b/c those women were definitely out to prove that we CAN'T be nurses. Like we aren't cut out for it. I lasted at that job for about 1yr and a half. I quit b/c I was tired of all the cattyness and could no longer stand driving home from work everyday worrying myself sick if I had forgot something, or did somethin wrong and who's going to tell on me next and if maybe I'm getting fired soon. I seriously felt as if I was back in high school and the crazy part about it is I was the youngest nurse on the unit. Majority of These women were 40+, some in 20-30s. Its so sad! I just wish nurses would realize that they need to help each other and not hurt them. Our jobs would be alot easier if we would all just get along, help each other out, and act as a team. : )

[tralalaRN]

Lesson I quickly learned in nursing. . the worst units to work on are the ones where one or some of the staff nurses are really good friends with management. As the saying goes, "you can't be both a friend and a manager". .the dynamics of this can easily escalate to "mobbing". A victim of mobbing might as well move on, as there is just no way to disengage from this type of workplace violence, except to resign and start fresh elsewhere.