Nurse patient friendship scenario

[beakerbox]

Hi there, I am looking for some anonymous help on this!

There is a patient on my ward, a male in his sixties, purple dot, multi organ failure, being followed by palliative.

I have had him in my assignment before and most recently three days and a night in a row. I really like this guy, I mean, he's hilarious....definitely agitated at times, but his high ammonia levels confuses him sometimes. We have a special bond for sure, we are just on the same wavelength on some things, and have really good talks, including about his condition and his dying experience. He always "behaves" for me. Other nurses on the ward don't particularly like him and vice versa. I never engage in conversations about this with him and I always only say positive things about my coworkers to a patient, for the record.he made some bad impressions with his behaviour when he first arrived to us, I think...

Anyway, I also really like the person who comes in to visit him, she's his special lady. I feel like I've known these people forever. He has no other family and just a couple friends that rarely come to see him

I am more than aware of professional boundaries, and I have never "felt this way about a patient" its not romantic, believe me. I am a young nurse with a life so I dont think this is about me being lonely.....But I am so interested in who he is, I love his stories, and I know he is scared of dying. I am wondering if it could be appopropriate to visit him in his new facility ( possibly hospice or LTC?) once he is discharged there.

I don't think he has much longer, so this isn't a lifelong friendship forming. But a friendship nonetheless, I can tell. So do I ignore these feelings and just let him go? Or can I occasionally just enjoy the company we keep until his time on earth is over>

[Rhi007]

That's tough!! Personally, once he leaves I would cut ties could you imagine what it would be like if you were like that with all your patients? While you're looking after him that's fine, makes patients feel at ease leading to them being more co operative but you will be burnt out if you did that constantly. Leave home life at home and work life at work, walk in every shift positive and with a smile no matter what is going on in your personal life.

[xoemmylouox, ASN, RN]

That is tough. I have been to the funeral of patients because I had known them for years. I work outpatient so these are people I have known for years.

[loriangel14, RN]

I would visit.I have visited special patients after they were discharged to LTC.

[Flare, ASN, BSN]

I don't know, i think that depending on the entire circumstance, it's not totally inappropriate to let a patient into your life. Let's look at it this way, i worked with a nurse that went on to marry a former patient. I wasn't there for her courtship with him - don't know if he came back up to the unit to thak her personally after he could walk again or what the story was, but obviously there was a connection there that went farther than the nurse/patient bedside.

But I digress...

It's just a part of nursing that you will have certain patients that will get under your skin a bit more (and i mean that in both a positive way, like a new buddy - someone you'd like to share a beer with on the outside and in a negative way, like the ones that if you saw them lying unresponsive in the produce section of the Food Lion, you'd probably step over them to get to the cauliflower) professionally, it probably isn't a good idea to get too invested in your patients, but if you are a human being - it's bound to happen once or twice. You'll have a patient like the one you described, or perhaps the patient that you discharge then worry terribly that they are going home to a house where they will be home alone and unable to care for themselves - just because they are discharged does not mean well. That's the tricky part though - do we go and check on them? Do we ever just check it at the door with our work shoes?

I'd have to go - at least just once to be sure he was settled in....

[proud nurse, BSN, RN]

I don't get attached. I can't afford to wonder about my patients after they've been discharged. I have enough on my plate already. I give them the best possible care I am capable of while they are assigned to me, and then I wish them well.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

I posted this here a few years back. I too have been to funerals, a few, and visited families outside of work, once or twice. But just as we need to let go, so do they.

Years ago I had a patient in the ICU whom I was very attracted to-- and he to me. he had some sort of spinal vascular thing, can't remember the details anymore, but a very nice guy. I never said anything to him, remained friendly and professional but nothing else, but he said something as we were getting him ready to transfer out. I just smiled, said something like, "just not meant to be," gave him a light kiss on the forehead, and sent him out the door. Never saw him again, don't even remember the name.

Oddly, my adored DH, whom I met years later and to whom I have been very happily married for decades, somewhat resembled him. Guess that was just my type-- tall, dark, handsome, kind eyes. Hope it all worked out for him.

[Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN]

Sigh...alas I have visited special patients as well. I have also gone to funerals to give me closure as well. There haven't been many but they have been some. I am just never vocal at work about it. My personal life is mine. I keep most things close to me.....I have learned to not be very trusting.

But yes.....I would visit the new facility to "check in".

[calivianya, BSN, RN]

There have been several patients I've been tempted to keep in touch with, but when I think about it being the patient or keeping my job the decision is very easy. The hospital I work at has a zero tolerance policy for giving patients your email/phone/etc. If someone somehow were to find out, I'd be fired, and it can be hard to find another job when you get fired for violating professional boundaries. I imagine that one would be hard to explain in an interview.

I totally understand why people would remain friends with their patients, but I'm not independently wealthy so I'm not willing to take the risk. Nothing's worth losing my license for - I have worked way too hard to get where I am today. I don't even think I'd take that risk even if I won the lottery and had a huge money cushion to sit on and could afford to never work again.

[Sadala, ADN, RN]

I think a lot of facilities now have "policies" about any outside contact.

That said, years ago I lived in a rural area and I was quite friendly with a couple of my doctors and a couple of my nurses. My doctors came to see me (at my home) when I was quite ill and offered what really amounted to concierge service, and friendship as well. It was kind of the nature of the beast in that area that everyone's children went to school together, we were all on the same committees, etc. You know, small town.

I can see though, where this could all lead to badness. In my situation, it never did, but I can see a hundred thousand ways things could go profoundly south. And you might not even see it coming.

It's probably not a risk that I would be willing to take, in the reverse.