Things you'd LOVE to be able to tell patients, and get away with it. - page 157

:spin:Just curious as to what you would say. Mine goes something like this: Hi, my name is AngelfireRN, I'll be your nurse tonight. I am not a waitress, nor am I your slave. Yelling... Read More

  1. by   Jo Dee
    No I will not give you, the dysphasic patient awaiting a swallow eval, a drink of water. And, no, don't ask me again 5 minutes later the same question, the answer will be the same, along with the explanation of why you can't have something to drink. No, don't ring your bell again for same said question. All right, that's it, you leave me no choice but to be blunt: YOU ARE GOING TO DIE IF YOU HAVE A DRINK OF WATER!!

    No, I cannot read your mind and tell you what pain medication the doctor prescribed for you in another hospital's ER. Yes you may go home and find the prescription bottle to bring in and show us so we may prescribe you the medication. What's that? You're girlfriend dropped some of the medications down the toilet by accident and dropped the rest on the floor? But where is the bottle? Oh, the label got damaged somehow. Uh huh, I see. Yes, Thank you for calling back and letting us know, YOU DRUG SEEKING FIEND! DID YOU REALLY THINK YOU COULD PULL THE WOOL OVER OUR EYES! (this actually happened and was the quick thinking of an amazing doctor I work with - mind you the phrase in caps was not actually said)
  2. by   Jo Dee
    And to the family member who is staying the room overnight to help their loved ones and give moral support, could you actually do that when the patient wakes up scared and screaming instead of rolling over and sleeping? I thought you were here for your mother but I have the strange feeling that you just want a place to sleep for the night. No, It's okay said pt, you're in the hospital and your doing fine. It's 11:00 at night. I'll leave a night light on for you. Kudos as I watch you on the camera throw your pillow at said family member to wake her up after I left the room.
    And just who is the family member who posted your misguided and overly disproportioned condition on Facebook! I WANT TO STRANGLE THEM!! You're POA is probably not happy with me right now for sending 10 phone calls to him with all yours aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews asking why you are in a coma as received from the facebook posting when you are actually sitting up in bed talking!
    Last edit by Jo Dee on Apr 5, '11
  3. by   nossawja
    Dialysis Related Whining:

    1) No you cannot have GUM in your mouth while you are on the machine. If you pass out d/t hypotension, I'm not jumping up and down on your abdomen to force it out.

    2) Yes, I've used stuck several people before. No, I do not need your opinion as to where the best spot would be.

    3) The machine alarming does not mean you are dying. It elevated pressure. Go back to sleep.

    4) Have you signed off your tx AMA twice a week for a month? No the doctor is not going to reduce your time on dialysis.

    5) You feel sick? Dizzy? QUIT DRINKING LIKE A FISH!! 10 Kilos of fluid gain is NOT normal!

    6) Your primary doctor has NOTHING to do with this tx. If you want him to order your dialysis, let our nephrologist order your colonoscopy.

    7) I will get you some ice in just a moment...this patient that is not breathing needs my assistance.

    8) I understand you sat at the pharmacy for an hour. It may have been a good idea to let me know that you were almost out of medicine know...ACTUALLY RAN OUT.

    9) Please don't treat me like an idiot. If you want to come off of your tx, I don't need to hear the 19th excuse this month. Just sign off.

    10) Mr. XX isn't here today? No I'm not going to tell you where he is. Ask him when he returns.

    11) No the machine isn't "junk". Its a computer, and sometimes they malfunction.

    12) I CANNOT to anything about your cramping when we are trying to remove 14 kilos in your 3 hour tx.

    13) Yes we are drawing labs. Its Monday. We've drawn them EVERY Monday since you started dialysis....six years ago.

    14) I'm terribly sorry you got blood/bleach on your clothes. Perhaps it was a bad idea to wear your Dolche and Gabbana sweater to dialysis.

    15) Its a 15g needle going into your skin....I'll try not to make it hurt....but I make no promises.

    Thats enough for now! )
  4. by   AuntieNursey
    No, your mother is not going to "snap out of it", it's dementia and it's probably been going on for quite a while, which you would have noticed it you had actually visited her at home instead of calling 3 times a year. And no, I have no idea why she would select her best friend/neighbor as her DPOA-maybe see above statement about your involvement in her life. And no, I don't think I can talk her out of her choice, even if I wanted to. I actually had a conversation like that with a resident's daughter, while she snapped her gum and answered her cell phone.
  5. by   annister
    The only thing stopping me from ripping off your arm ( which is very firmly gripping by boob at the moment) and using it to knock the silly grin off of your face, is the fact that I have one hand Kinking off your NG, and the other trying to pour your residual into the syringe. I have elbows, however, and this won't take much longer. You aren't being cute.
  6. by   systoly
    Quote from carolmaccas66
    Oh come on! When did you get so cynical?! (joking).
    You're part of my generation, where these patients honestly think we are idiots, I reckon.
    Do the REALLY think we are all gullible - or do we just look that way?
    Is the D diazepam?
    I think it's Dilala.
  7. by   CNABESS
    Yes, you CAN MOVE YOUR LEFT ARM!!! PT did NOT tell you to never use that arm since you broke it. PT wants you to start using that arm so it will heal correctly. Now put your own sweater on!

    Being 421 lbs in not an excuse for hollering for everyone to come and meet your every need, but it is probably the reason your knees are so shot that you are here in rehab for the 4th time! So stop stuffing your face with every twinkie and cupcake your family brings you.

    Oh, you did not realize that being in here for cardiac rehab after having your chest cracked open meant that you CANNOT SMOKE in the bathroom??? Especially when you entered a rehab hospital that is a NON SMOKING campus and has signs posted everywhere? Ok, since you did not realize it, we will just let you go ahead and try it again for the third time. Why not ask your son to slip in another pack when he comes today?

    Are you really that perverted that you will lay there and wet yourself so that you can yell for some one to "come quick and wash me with that nice cool spray stuff"??? You are able to get up and use the toilet!

    The HILTON is the next town over. They will be happy to find you just the right thing to eat, fluff your pillows and run their butts off treating you like Royalty. However, here we are more concerned with your spiral leg fracture and helping you return home so you can order your servants, I mean family, around.

    Sorry folks, one of those nights on the job
  8. by   sharpeimom
    Quote from cnabess
    yes, you can move your left arm!!! pt did not tell you to never use that arm since you broke it. pt wants you to start using that arm so it will heal correctly. now put your own sweater o

    sorry folks, one of those nights on the job

    i'm sorry, but that made me laugh! i've had several hundred pt sessions where the pt does exercises with my rt. shoulder followed by many excerises that i do both there and at home. instead of saying,
    "use it!" my pt often says i overuse and over exercise the shoulder!!:d i guess my mom was right after all. she used to tell me i never did anything halfway.
  9. by   RN_10
    Ok you don't want me to wake you for morning medications, you don't want to participate in your care, you won't even let the pct's make your bed. If you needed a break from home you should have checked into a motel/hotel because right now your wasting my time and taking up a bed someone else could use.
  10. by   MommyandRN
    I'm not a waitress, this is not a restaurant. Your breath smells, your hands are dirty, and I do not want you to grab my arms and use them to pull up. I don't feel like listening to your random story. Your family members are annoying.
  11. by   BabyRN2Be
    Quote from tazzirn
    i actually did say something once.

    working night shift in the er, just my tech and me. no pts, doc's asleep, we're watching tv. about 0530 a man carries in his 7-yr-old son. he spent a good 10 minutes berating me (in english) about having to stand outside the er for 20 minutes before we opened the doors, which were kept locked at night for staff safety. i kept trying to ask him if he had rung the bell but never got an answer. finally he listened to the umpteenth time i asked him what was wrong with his son, and he asked for a spanish speaker. i told him my tech was busy at the moment (she really was) and that he was doing fine (spoke broken english but i understood him). he exploded and started yelling at me in spanish, and finally he yelled in english, "why don't you speak spanish??"

    that pushed me over the edge, and without thinking i shot back, "why don't you speak english??"
    i hope i'm not breaking any rules here, but i've wanted to say this so many times: i miss you, tazzi. i have the feeling you won't be coming back here for whatever reason, but i wanted to say how loved and missed you are.

    now back to your regularly scheduled post.
  12. by   carolmaccas66
    Quote from MommyandRN
    I'm not a waitress, this is not a restaurant. Your breath smells, your hands are dirty, and I do not want you to grab my arms and use them to pull up. I don't feel like listening to your random story. Your family members are annoying.
    My old nurse educators used to call bad breath in the morning Death Breath! Had to laugh at that one!
  13. by   morte
    Quote from BabyRN2Be
    I hope I'm not breaking any rules here, but I've wanted to say this so many times: I miss you, Tazzi. I have the feeling you won't be coming back here for whatever reason, but I wanted to say how loved and missed you are.

    Now back to your regularly scheduled post.
    me, too......
    I had presumed she wouldn't be back either, but missed, she is.