nurse & dr affair, what should I do?

BSNtobe2009 · Nov 10, 2006

What they do in their personal life, that is between two consenting adults, is no one else's business.

You don't know what is going on at home with either of their marriages.

If you hear the nurse trying to tell you of her latest conquests, I would nip it in the bud, say, "I think you are an excellent nurse and I enjoy working with you, however, my personal morals do not allow me to condone adultery, and I will be willing to discuss anything with you except for that."

I think that would shut her up. From a personnel level, she is putting the Doctor at risk by running her mouth b/c if the relationship goes sour, God forbid if she starts screaming sexual harrassment.

I had a male friend once that from outward appearances, they appeared to have the perfect marriage. When he started dating this other woman it looked like he was stepping out on his sweet wife. When he moved out, it looked like he was cheating on his wife and everyone was like, "Poor Cheryl".

What no one but his parents and two close friends knew was that he had already filed for a divorce because his wife was advertising for sex on the internet, meeting men in hotels for sex, and he had only lived with her for a few extra months to get his finances in order before he formally moved out.

But if you didn't know this, it looked bad. But his wife was a s**t and got what she deserved.

Just goes to show, you NEVER know.

Dixiecup · Nov 10, 2006

Have you ever been in love? Unfortunately you can't pick who you fall in love with. People don't just wake up one morning and say "Gee, I think I'll start an affair today". It usually just gradually happens before you know it.

Although it does sound like she could be a little more discreet since he is married. If it's not meant to be it'll blow up in their faces soon enough, until then I agree with the other posters, mind your own business.:stone

Alexsys · Nov 10, 2006

It truely is wrong and I can see where it makes you sick. I recently had a similar situation at my place of emplyment, but as everyone said, stay out of it.

mom23RN · Nov 10, 2006

Personally I think it's wrong on so many levels. Are they engaging in inappropriate activity at work? Kissing, snuggling, etc. If so then I think it's completely inappropriate and would report it. If she's just talking then I guess there's not much you can do unless your facility has a rule about dating coworkers.

I would have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. If she said something about the relationship I would have to tell her about how disgusting I find her behavior (or him) and that she needs to keep her personal businnes "personal". Something about "I have no desire to hear about you having an affair with a married man. I'm glad you have such callous disregard for his wife and his children, just not something I would do. I hope you realize someday someone may do this to you. I wonder how you would feel about it then??"

Then again, I don't know when to keep my mouth shut.

Katnip, RN · Nov 10, 2006

Unless you actually observe them carrying out overt sexual activity then you are only either observing flirtatious behavior (somewhere along the spectrum of extremes) or being exposed to heresay. Even if one of them tells you they are having an affair, it's still heresay unless you see it yourself. Kind of like nursing practice.

As said above, unless it interferes with patient care it is none of your business. It is especially not anyone's business to sit around gossiping, speculating, and spreading rumor.

RazorbackRN, BSN, RN · Nov 10, 2006

Just found out that one of our nurses (divorced w/ kids) is having an affair w/ a married doc. it is disguishing! what would you do if you were me?
I think it is totally unethical to have a work place affair, it just makes me sick to even have to work with these people.
Please help and explain to me why people are doing unprofessional things like that?:uhoh21:

Well, let's see. You have a couple of different options:

1.) You could go around and tell everyone you know that this is going one. Rent one of the billboard signs on the side of the interstate and have it posted there. Be sure to send a blanket email to everyone that you know telling them what a dispicible act is occurring. Call his wife and insist that she go undercover as a patient and then have the SWAT team back her up when he is busted. Call the BON and the AMA and assure them that this is totally causing patient care to be compromised and unsafe.

2.) You could mind your own business (unless pt. care really is being compromised or the exam tables are being used for quickies, then see step 1) and let the flaunting nurse know your not interested in her promiscuity. You can pray that they will see that what they're doing is wrong and stop it and then pray that the wife and innocent kids will remain strong.

3.) You can quit your job and take the chance on it happening in the next place of employment or totally withdraw from society so that you won't see the corruptness that is occuring in this world.

Now, your options are there. Which one do you see as most reasonable??

Celia M, ASN, RN · Nov 10, 2006

Unless patient care is compromised or their behavior is in violation of a hospital policy you should not do anything. Limit your contact and conversations with the two of them to a purely professional basis. Seek counselling if you feel unable to deal with the situation. Good luck Celia

enoRN · Nov 10, 2006

sandee, pls do as if you are not even seeing them, mind your own business, and dont even discuss it with fellow staffs as far as they are doing their job, its no concern of yours, in this world we cant stop seeing things that will baffle us, cheers

ortess1971 · Nov 10, 2006

Seriously, I would stay out of it as well...Not something I would choose to do but I'm sure someone, somewhere would find something about my life that offends them. None of us are perfect or 100% moral so as long as they're not groping each other at work, leave it be. Besides, I knew a doctor's wife who had an "arrangement" with her hubby. As long as he paid the bills and came home to her each night, she didn't care how he got his fun. I don't think she liked sex all that much(kind of a prude) and he did, so she was relieved that he could "let off steam" with someone else! :uhoh3:

Sandi0302 · Nov 11, 2006

Was is everyone attacking the original poster for her opinion? There really isnt anything one can do about situations like these unless they do actually effect the workplace, but, then again, doesnt it? How can you concentrate just on work when you have your "fling" working with you? Hence the saying "Don't s*** where you eat".

Everyone has their own personal moral standings. Some things offend people more than other things. Marital infidelity highly offends some that still believe marriage is a sacred thing, unlike celebrities...but I digress....

No, you cannot stop it from going on, and it is likely that any other place you work will have it also. One nurse I work with actually brought her ugly "playthings" to visit her on the 3-11 shift. In my opinion she is a filthy thing for it because she has three kids. However, it didnt happen on my shift and I didnt see it, so i kept my mouth shut. As a previous poster said, what goes around comes around.

SmilingBluEyes · Nov 11, 2006

Nobody is attacking anyone. I do see others offering the advice she asked for.

sandee · Nov 11, 2006

You need to mind your own business.
Unless it is you are jealous of her relationship, are you secretly upset that he is not having an affair with you?
Just kidding. :kiss

I am glad that he is not interested in me b/c he one fat baxxer!

I am not upset b/c of their relationship. I am upset b/c I think he is always trying to protect her. She always can take extra breaks, do whatever she wants too. It is just not fair.