I'm Quiet Sometimes, Not Bipolar!

Nurses Relations

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Specializes in Home Health.

I just started a new night shift ICU job, and got to know my coworkers. Fast forward a few shifts. I'm tired from consecutive shifts, there are less questions for me to ask, and I'm concentrating on my work. I said "Not now please, I'm trying to stabilize my patient and catch up on charting," to a few attempted conversations about credit card benefits, what to get for breakfast, etc. I even missed questions directed at me because I was concentrating on my work. I absolutely responded to requests for helping with patients.

Multiple coworkers ask what's wrong, why I'm so quiet. One even asked me if bipolar, or just cranky when tired. I had to tell that coworker to never ask me questions regarding psychiatry, and attempted to explain things in terms of cat and dog personalities, and how he would have felt if I had approached him with idle chatter while he was caring for a crashing patient. He became defensive, telling me that he was going to let me initiate future conversations. Ugh, talk about black and white thinking, as well as being inappropriately nosy.

I am an introvert, but I wish that more people in general would realize that such behavior is patronizing, presumptuous, interrupting, and inappropriate regardless of how talkative, quiet, introverted, or extroverted people are.

1) Please don't barge in with conversation assuming that you'll be enthusiastically received at all times. A simple, "Got a minute/few minutes?" is a great way to gauge if it's an inappropriate time to chat. However, please wait for an answer rather than just see the question as automatic permission and the opening sentence to the conversation you were planning to have anyway.

2) There is nothing wrong with being quiet. I like to think that not having to fill every second with speech enhances communication and allows one to concentrate. There are probably other people who are available to chat if you really want to. Also, conversation involves the people involved. A one sided conversation involving other people whether they want it or not is a lecture.

3) Mind your own business. You have zero reason to psychoanalyze and comment on how I seem so angry or that I'd be so much more approachable if I smiled more. Are you my psychologist, or at least the nurse manager? Is my attitude affecting the workplace and patient care? No? If you have actual professional advice or if there are legitimate concerns with my practice, then I will gladly address them. However, if you have no authority and are just being nosy, then bug off. Also, it is exponentially more unprofessional to ask said questions in front of others.

4) If a physician is busy or brusque yet a coworker who isn't always available for conversation when you want it, please reconsider your perceptions. Also consider if you'd tell a man to smile.

5) Try to read people on your own without asking questions. If they are actively charting or are looking in a patient's chart, they are probably busy. If they have pursed lips and are letting out their breath in exasperated noises, then it's probably wise to steer clear. I grew up around genuinely moody people and a mother with untreated mental illness, so I had to learn to read them lest I accidentally trigger them taking out their anger on me.

I remember a day in my OBGYN rotation in nursing school. A nurse had asked me to relay information to the attending nurse, who was attending to the newborn. I immediately told the attending nurse this, and was told,"Not now, I am very busy." I immediately realized that it I should have weighed priorities and approached her after the busy spell had passed. I later apologized, and she reassured me that I shouldn't be sorry, but to adjust behavior and read situations in the future. That lesson really stuck with me.

Please excuse the snark. Snark and angst are my writing muses.

It is irritating to be chatted up when busy. I find myself saying things like, "I need to concentrate for a while so I don't screw up the whole world." But then I might do a little dance as I back away to lighten the mood. Good working relationships are important, after all.

If someone tells me I should smile, I might say, "I'll smile when I win 80 million dollars." I've discovered that it's rude and unacceptable to say, "I'll smile when you die."

***People who make "frustration noises" usually want to blab about their frustrations. That's why I avoid them unless I care enough to listen.

Specializes in Critical Care.

As a fellow introvert I can sympathize. Small talk doesn't tend to come naturally to me so joining in/avoiding conversations with coworkers can be a bit of a challenge.

That said, it's worth weighing the annoyance of chit chat against building good relationships with your coworkers. You of course have every right to work in silence if you so choose, but the way you rebuff conversational advances can make all the difference. Making nice with coworkers isn't strictly a part of the job description, but whether we like it or not it's just a part of working alongside other people and can have a huge impact on the working environment.

(But asking if you're bipolar? Invasive and inappropriate. And there is surely a special circle of hell for the "come on, give us a smile!" people ... since vomiting all over them probably isn't an option I'd just fix them with my most withering stare as I slowly and deliberately turned my back.)

Specializes in geriatrics.

I am also an introvert, but I have learned to be social at work as needed. Unfortunately, many people do not understand introverts.

Introversion is a personality trait, not a flaw (bipolar?!). Introvert does not mean shy, either.

You will need to be cautious of your body language and tone. In other words, learn to use the filter a little, in order to keep the peace.

I also detest small talk, but I make the effort to engage a little for my co-workers. In reality, I could talk to no one for days and be content.

Specializes in Psychiatric.

I find it irritating when people interrupt when I'm documenting or just want idle chit chat, so fair enough when you ask them to give you space.

Be mindful that you are still new on the team and you want to build a respectful and harmonious working relationship with your colleagues. Are you friendly and polite to your colleagues when you aren't busy?

Im saying this because I'm known for concentrating hard when I'm documenting or working and have been known to give terse 'ssh!' or 'gimme a minute' when I don't want to be interrupted, however, I make an effort to have a friendly chat on lunch breaks and initiate friendly banter. I work hard and when possible, step up to help out overloaded colleagues.

What I'm saying is that yeah, you can be introverted at work but introverted doesn't have to be unfriendly or rude. Perhaps you can say to a few colleagues "I'm sorry I couldn't listen before, I find I have to really concentrate when charting". Keep your colleagues on good terms because you need them as much as they need you :)

Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Introversion is a personality trait, not a flaw (bipolar?!). Introvert does not mean shy, either.

Just for the record, "bipolar" isn't a flaw, it's an illness. Thanks.;)

Specializes in Psychiatric.
Just for the record, "bipolar" isn't a flaw, it's an illness. Thanks.;)

Thank you! The staff who commented the OP could be bipolar are obviously uneducated and/or ignorant towards mental illness.

Specializes in geriatrics.
Just for the record, "bipolar" isn't a flaw, it's an illness. Thanks.;)

That's not what I meant, but that's how it reads, I suppose. That anyone would mention bipolar at all just because someone is quiet was the reason I mentioned it at all.

That sentence refers to the fact that many people think introverts are flawed.

I'm not sure if this thread was meant to be instructional or a vent but even as a bull in a china shop extrovert I am able to understand and respect how people work differently. If I worked with OP and she explained how she prefers to be able to concentrate without unnecessary interruptions, I would consider and abide her wishes. Being a strong personality, I would also likely influence our coworkers to do the same, no actually I would probably be protective of her work style as I like to see everyone be successful. Alienating me by dismissing my outwardness without an articulated reason could prevent an opportunity of a great work ally.

Taking the time to talk to people at the beginning of developing work relationships can reduce this build up of speculation and resentment, if you can do it without the condescending everyone who is overtly friendly and chatty are rude idiots.

Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.

I will preface this by saying that I am another member of the introvert club...

With that having been said, it is helpful to remain aware that coworkers remember you not for your work ethic...they remember how they feel around you. The way they feel around you will dictate your future working relationships with these people. If they feel shunned by you, this often spells trouble down the road.

Some people place a very high value on socialization. Some people use the workplace to attain validation of their existences. Others use the workplace to fulfill emotional needs that might not be met at home.

I conjecture that a sizable number of nurses desperately need the mindless ten minute chat about breakfast or credit card benefits to get them through the shift and perform optimally. Even though it may seem horrid that their patients must wait for care due to the ten minute chat, be mindful that these nurses might care for their patients more effectually for the rest of the shift now that they addressed their own emotional needs first.

Specializes in Hospital medicine; NP precepting; staff education.
I'm not sure if this thread was meant to be instructional or a vent but even as a bull in a china shop extrovert I am able to understand and respect how people work differently. If I worked with OP and she explained how she prefers to be able to concentrate without unnecessary interruptions, I would consider and abide her wishes. Being a strong personality, I would also likely influence our coworkers to do the same, no actually I would probably be protective of her work style as I like to see everyone be successful. Alienating me by dismissing my outwardness without an articulated reason could prevent an opportunity of a great work ally.

Taking the time to talk to people at the beginning of developing work relationships can reduce this build up of speculation and resentment, if you can do it without the condescending everyone who is overtly friendly and chatty are rude idiots.

That's me, too. I'm definitely a bull in a china shop. And fiercely protective.

Once when I was training a newly graduated nurse on the fast track side for her first time, the advanced provider (who was not yet familiar with our EMR and order entry system) was asking her to put in all the orders. I spoke up for her and maybe too brusquely said, "I need her to concentrate on xyz right now and I cannot teach you how to use this system, but if you need help I will put the orders in."

And yes, reading people is an important skill. Others accept my outwardness, as you stated, but worry if I am quiet.

Man, I can't be boisterous all the time. That'd be obnoxious.

Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

Even introverts can get outside themselves and try to see how others think and feel. It won't kill anyone to be nice and a bit social to keep relations good at work.

Introverts have needs. So do extroverts, although people tend to forget that.

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