I just started a new night shift ICU job, and got to know my coworkers. Fast forward a few shifts. I'm tired from consecutive shifts, there are less questions for me to ask, and I'm concentrating on my work. I said "Not now please, I'm trying to stabilize my patient and catch up on charting," to a few attempted conversations about credit card benefits, what to get for breakfast, etc. I even missed questions directed at me because I was concentrating on my work. I absolutely responded to requests for helping with patients.
Multiple coworkers ask what's wrong, why I'm so quiet. One even asked me if bipolar, or just cranky when tired. I had to tell that coworker to never ask me questions regarding psychiatry, and attempted to explain things in terms of cat and dog personalities, and how he would have felt if I had approached him with idle chatter while he was caring for a crashing patient. He became defensive, telling me that he was going to let me initiate future conversations. Ugh, talk about black and white thinking, as well as being inappropriately nosy.
I am an introvert, but I wish that more people in general would realize that such behavior is patronizing, presumptuous, interrupting, and inappropriate regardless of how talkative, quiet, introverted, or extroverted people are.
1) Please don't barge in with conversation assuming that you'll be enthusiastically received at all times. A simple, "Got a minute/few minutes?" is a great way to gauge if it's an inappropriate time to chat. However, please wait for an answer rather than just see the question as automatic permission and the opening sentence to the conversation you were planning to have anyway.
2) There is nothing wrong with being quiet. I like to think that not having to fill every second with speech enhances communication and allows one to concentrate. There are probably other people who are available to chat if you really want to. Also, conversation involves the people involved. A one sided conversation involving other people whether they want it or not is a lecture.
3) Mind your own business. You have zero reason to psychoanalyze and comment on how I seem so angry or that I'd be so much more approachable if I smiled more. Are you my psychologist, or at least the nurse manager? Is my attitude affecting the workplace and patient care? No? If you have actual professional advice or if there are legitimate concerns with my practice, then I will gladly address them. However, if you have no authority and are just being nosy, then bug off. Also, it is exponentially more unprofessional to ask said questions in front of others.
4) If a physician is busy or brusque yet a coworker who isn't always available for conversation when you want it, please reconsider your perceptions. Also consider if you'd tell a man to smile.
5) Try to read people on your own without asking questions. If they are actively charting or are looking in a patient's chart, they are probably busy. If they have pursed lips and are letting out their breath in exasperated noises, then it's probably wise to steer clear. I grew up around genuinely moody people and a mother with untreated mental illness, so I had to learn to read them lest I accidentally trigger them taking out their anger on me.
I remember a day in my OBGYN rotation in nursing school. A nurse had asked me to relay information to the attending nurse, who was attending to the newborn. I immediately told the attending nurse this, and was told,"Not now, I am very busy." I immediately realized that it I should have weighed priorities and approached her after the busy spell had passed. I later apologized, and she reassured me that I shouldn't be sorry, but to adjust behavior and read situations in the future. That lesson really stuck with me.
Please excuse the snark. Snark and angst are my writing muses.
