I feel so embarrased and feel like harrased...

Nurses Relations

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Hello fellow nurse sisters

I feel so embarrased to share this story, but I can't stop thinking.

I was helping a young male patient to take a shower. He was washing himself, and I was just helping his back, but suddenly he grabbed the towel, covered the area, and told me that he has something. I didn't see or realize anything until he told me so.

I just told him that it's okay and will bring a male nurse to help. I left the shower and brought the male nurse to finish the job. I took care of him until the end of my shift.

I know that it was out of his control, and he was apologetic, but I feel like I got harrased somehow and can't stop thinking about my behavior. I try to be nice and sweet to my patients, but I don't do anything special to male patients. I'm not sure and kinda feel down...

Any thoughts or sharing???

Specializes in Psych ICU, addictions.

I had that happen to me with one of my patients, except that the patient was high and pretty much out of it, and so probably wasn't even aware of it. It happens, and often it happens without any control on the patient's part.

I just proceeded at usual and chalked it up to being part of the territory of nursing care. The male tech that was assisting me was more uncomfortable and embarrassed than I was, as though he felt he had to protect my honor :)

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Harass is a serious word. It bothers me that someone would use it without a clear understanding of the definition.

ha-rass

(hschwa.gif-rabreve.gifsprime.gif, habreve.gifrprime.gifschwa.gifs) tr.v. ha-rassed, ha-rass-ing, ha-rass-es 1. To irritate or torment persistently.

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I know that it was out of his control, and he was apologetic, but I feel like I got harrased somehow and can't stop thinking about my behavior.

i won't question you about feeling harrassed, since others covered that question.

but what do you mean that you can't stop thinking about your behavior?

how were you acting/responding to him?

yes, this is a common and natural phenomenon within the male population.

it happened betw me and a pt, and i casually responded with "no biggie".

the pt responded "should i take that literally?"

funny how the embarrassment shifted from him to me in no time flat.

you used "harrassed", which i don't believe that's the word you intended to use...

and i used "no biggie", which in slang, means "no big deal".

there has to be a lesson in there, for both of us, agreed?:o

leslie

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if you can't stop thinking about it because you wonder if you did something wrong or anything to make this occur, now you know you didn't.

if you can't stop thinking about it because you don't know why it happened and it upset you, now you know why it happens; you have to figure out why something that wasn't intentional and couldn't be helped upset you.

if you thought that anything related to any male sexual function that occurs in a workplace, whether it was intentional or not, is harrassment, now you know that's not true either.

i agree that your patient deserves credit for handling it perfectly-- he covered up and apologized. you didn't need to get a male attendant to finish up this shower, and you don't need to avoid this patient in the future or be sure he is only showered by a male attendant because that will only make him feel worse.

so the question is now, i guess, "are we all set?"

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Specializes in PACU.

Erections happen. Unless someone says or does something inappropriate it's no reason to get worked up.

What's worse is when you're walking around in scrubs when it happens.

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

I think the OP misused the word "harass"

I don't think that was what she meant.

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Specializes in none.
Hello fellow nurse sisters

I feel so embarrased to share this story, but I can't stop thinking.

I was helping a young male patient to take a shower. He was washing himself, and I was just helping his back, but suddenly he grabbed the towel, covered the area, and told me that he has something. I didn't see or realize anything until he told me so.

I just told him that it's okay and will bring a male nurse to help. I left the shower and brought the male nurse to finish the job. I took care of him until the end of my shift.

I know that it was out of his control, and he was apologetic, but I feel like I got harrased somehow and can't stop thinking about my behavior. I try to be nice and sweet to my patients, but I don't do anything special to male patients. I'm not sure and kinda feel down...

Any thoughts or sharing???

We get erections. It happens. If it happens they way that you described it, It is far more embarrassing for the guy. Not only embarrassing but it can be painful to try an constrain it. Why should you feel 'harassed'? You did the right thing. Guys know what other guys are going through. It would be like me telling you what cramps feel like. I can read all about them but I never will know what it is like to get them. Same thing about erections. Just get over the feeling of being harassed.

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Specializes in critical care, PACU.

Just wait until your confused male patients start pleasuring themselves during bed baths while looking at you.

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Just wait until your confused male patients start pleasuring themselves during bed baths while looking at you.

Or in the hallway...

Or in the activities room...

Or on the patio...

Sorry - while I do have a certain amount of sympathy (my first bed bath was for a delightful lady who'd had a left side radical mastectomy - kind of threw me since I wasn't expecting it) it sounds like harassment was most likely the last thing that occurred. Just hope that I misunderstood what you meant, or that you can clarify what concerns you have about the incident in question.

----- Dave

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Erections happen. Unless someone says or does something inappropriate it's no reason to get worked up.

What's worse is when you're walking around in scrubs when it happens.

Looser fitting scrubs do wonders - DAMHIKT :devil:

----- Dave

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Specializes in Certified Med/Surg tele, and other stuff.

Gotta echo the others. This was not harassment. Otherwise, this poor guy is probably still embarrassed!

I have had men pull the sheet off and let me 'catch a glimpse' and nearly masterbate in front of me. With the most dead pan and bored look, I stop what I'm doing and tell them I will be back when they can act like an adult.

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"you didn't need to get a male attendant to finish up this shower, and you don't need to avoid this patient in the future or be sure he is only showered by a male attendant because that will only make him feel worse."

why is everybody afraid to just ask the patient how he or she "feels" about who will bath him or her? how about a little patient autonomy? how do you "know" it will make him feel worse to be bathed by a male nurse? isn't that stereotyping? some people feel comfortable with opposite gender care like that, others don't. for some it some it doesn't matter. i would suggest that if the genders were reversed here, there would be more concern for the female patient's modesty than for the man's. just a suggestion. i would suggest it's more likely the female patient would either be asked her comfort level by a male nurse, or would have been provided a female bather from the beginning. why go around assuming this and assuming that about how patients feel about these things? why just send in an opposite gender caregiver to give the bath? why not ask?

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