Black Sheep...time to leave?

[ThePrincessBride]

I know there have been a thousand or more threads on this subject, but hear me out:

I have been working on a neonatal ICU unit for almost two years now. Prior to that, I worked in adult med-surg and still work there casually.

I love working with the babies and their families but socially, I feel like an outcast. Some coworkers refuse to acknowledge my presence and ignore me even when they are assigned to be my patient's secondary nurse (for when I need to use the restroom or go on break). Just today, I was happening to go the cafeteria at the same time as a group of my coworkers. They all waited for everyone else to get their food...except for me. No "see you later" or anything. They just walked away.

They are constantly talking about stuff they do with each other outside of work and to events that I haven't been invited to. When I try to join a conversation, sometimes I am ignored or given a quick response and then they go back to talking among themselves.

There are some coworkers who are wonderful. They are older and more experienced, but they are slowly leaving the unit, leaving me with a clique of younger nurses. I am an island of a person.

Should I start looking elsewhere? I am planning on going back to school next year (FNP or NNP, not sure which yet). The place has good tuition reimbursement (though not astounding or anything).

What is the rational thing for me to do? I have been bottling this in and keeping my nose down and working, but I think it might be time to leave.

[wondern, ASN]

I just posted these pix in another very good thread about cliques by Emergent, RN. Thought you might like it too. Sorry this happened to you, ThePrincessBride. It's hard to be excluded. No man is an island.

[Mavrick, BSN, RN]

How can one gauge a better pasture from an interview? Knowing my luck, I would be out of the frying pan and into the fire.

I definitely have good conversations with the parents (sometimes), RT, housekeeping and PSAs. That is something I need to focus on. And I feel that the work that I do is fulfilling.

It isn't really about luck. You have the capacity to reach out to others and make friends with them before they know you're not the friendly kind.

I am not the social king at my work but I do reach out by frequently bringing in treats for everybody, try to say yes to trades or "can you take my call" requests, ask about the pictures on their mail box or name tag, give away the Starbucks coupon we get for nurses week (I don't drink coffee), say hi to people by name every day I arrive at work, tell 'em you missed 'em when they come back from vacation, when I am caught up with my work approach them and ask if they need any help, every Christmas I give all my co-workers a $1,000,000 chocolate "Santa Dollar". These are things I have control over and don't need to wait for them to reach out to me.

I don't socialize outside work, I don't go to the PeriOp Party, I don't share a whole lot about my personal life but I make enough of a connection with my workmates to not be an outcast.

With a high staff turnover, you can be first to the new nurses to make them feel welcome and start a slow change of culture where you are the social glue.

[np830]

The job of nursing is hard enough without having to account for the cliques. There's been some great advice here about ignoring the bad apples and focusing on your patients, finding allies and nice people amongst the other staff where you work. I think if you decide to be a NNP, it's obviously a no-brainer to stay. (Where I live, NNPs are so high in demand, that's the route I'd go!) At any rate, be the best nurse you can. Although that will piss them off even more.

[Apple-Core, ASN, BSN, RN]

As a quiet, reserved person myself, I've definitely experienced the same thing. And it's hurtful. What I found works better for me is figuring out who I can have a conversation with in a smaller group, as I tend to quiet up when the group gets larger. I'm sure there are probably a couple of people who you may enjoy chatting with outside the clique. If that fails, I would just remind myself I'm there to do a good job, not necessarily to become buddies with everyone. If you enjoy your job and you're good at it, it seems silly to leave because a few people are rude or fail to recognize you are a good person to chat with. However if they ignore you to the point that patient safety is affected, that is different.

This is a genuine question without any ulterior judgment...coming from your perspective as an introvert, how do you best like to be approached and/or included in things?

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

Find an ally. Go out of your way to befriend someone on your shift. Find out about who they are, people love to talk about themselves. Then slowly start doing coffee or social events together. You don't need to be friends with everyone, or even most people, just start with one person.

Yes. One at a time. Rome wasn't built in a day. And do be a great listener.

I have been in your situation and it does hurt. But I didn't leave a job I loved just because I felt not much a part of the group. Anyway, is there really a group?

You might be surprised to find that the ones with kids about the same age might get together once in a while. If their kids are in school or extracurricular activities together, two nurses might see each other outside of work because of that.

Some might be related or have another friend in common, go to church together, whatever. Maybe they live near each other and are in the same Home Owners' Association.

I wonder if you are just a naturally quiet, shy person while some of the others are more extroverted. No matter. I think you should try to just be yourself and make peace as best you can with the situation. Don't leave if you're not sure you are ready to do so. If you like the work, get along with Management and others, and have at least some peers you are comfortable with, it seems to me you should just be nice, help if someone asks for help and you are able to do so.

Maybe they are at somewhat of a loss about how to relate to someone who is going to go to NP school.

Might they envy your childless freedom? As much as people love their kids, kids do sort of clip our wings for a few years.

Best wishes.

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

The job of nursing is hard enough without having to account for the cliques. There's been some great advice here about ignoring the bad apples and focusing on your patients, finding allies and nice people amongst the other staff where you work. I think if you decide to be a NNP, it's obviously a no-brainer to stay. (Where I live, NNPs are so high in demand, that's the route I'd go!) At any rate, be the best nurse you can. Although that will piss them off even more.

It won't necessarily make them even angrier. Some might be jealous, others might be genuinely happy for her.

Some might not care a hoot either way.

[ThePrincessBride, MSN, RN, NP]

The job of nursing is hard enough without having to account for the cliques. There's been some great advice here about ignoring the bad apples and focusing on your patients, finding allies and nice people amongst the other staff where you work. I think if you decide to be a NNP, it's obviously a no-brainer to stay. (Where I live, NNPs are so high in demand, that's the route I'd go!) At any rate, be the best nurse you can. Although that will piss them off even more.

If I go for my NNP, I will stick it out, but upon graduation, would transfer. They don't respect me now as a person...why would they respect me as a NNP?

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

I think the real question here should be "why do I care about what this yippy pack of dogs think"? Nursing is many things to many nurses but what it is for all of us is a paycheck. If you have a direction to go in your life then get there. If this place will help pay for you to become an NP let them (I'm working on my DNP now and it gets expensive but as important as financial support can you work around your clinical hours). Anyway, this isn't high school and I see no reason to leave a good job because you don't fit into a cliché of rude hags.

Are we sure they are a clique of rude hags? Or a yippy pack of dogs? LOLOLOLOLOLOL

All we really can tell is that OP feels she doesn't fit in with some coworkers and is sad because some she does get along with are possibly retiring or leaving.

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

If I go for my NNP, I will stick it out, but upon graduation, would transfer. They don't respect me now as a person...why would they respect me as a NNP?

Why do you think they don't respect you as a person?

[Kooky Korky, BSN, RN]

I know there have been a thousand or more threads on this subject, but hear me out:

I have been working on a neonatal ICU unit for almost two years now. Prior to that, I worked in adult med-surg and still work there casually.

I love working with the babies and their families but socially, I feel like an outcast. Some coworkers refuse to acknowledge my presence and ignore me even when they are assigned to be my patient's secondary nurse (for when I need to use the restroom or go on break). Just today, I was happening to go the cafeteria at the same time as a group of my coworkers. They all waited for everyone else to get their food...except for me. No "see you later" or anything. They just walked away.

They are constantly talking about stuff they do with each other outside of work and to events that I haven't been invited to. When I try to join a conversation, sometimes I am ignored or given a quick response and then they go back to talking among themselves.

There are some coworkers who are wonderful. They are older and more experienced, but they are slowly leaving the unit, leaving me with a clique of younger nurses. I am an island of a person.

Should I start looking elsewhere? I am planning on going back to school next year (FNP or NNP, not sure which yet). The place has good tuition reimbursement (though not astounding or anything).

What is the rational thing for me to do? I have been bottling this in and keeping my nose down and working, but I think it might be time to leave.

How do they get by with ignoring you when they are your secondary nurse? How do they demonstrate that they are ignoring you in this situation?

Do they refuse to relieve you if you ask them to?

Do they ask someone to relieve them if they need relief? (instead of asking you to relieve them)

[Insperation]

I know there have been a thousand or more threads on this subject, but hear me out:

I have been working on a neonatal ICU unit for almost two years now. Prior to that, I worked in adult med-surg and still work there casually.

I love working with the babies and their families but socially, I feel like an outcast. Some coworkers refuse to acknowledge my presence and ignore me even when they are assigned to be my patient's secondary nurse (for when I need to use the restroom or go on break). Just today, I was happening to go the cafeteria at the same time as a group of my coworkers. They all waited for everyone else to get their food...except for me. No "see you later" or anything. They just walked away.

They are constantly talking about stuff they do with each other outside of work and to events that I haven't been invited to. When I try to join a conversation, sometimes I am ignored or given a quick response and then they go back to talking among themselves.

There are some coworkers who are wonderful. They are older and more experienced, but they are slowly leaving the unit, leaving me with a clique of younger nurses. I am an island of a person.

Should I start looking elsewhere? I am planning on going back to school next year (FNP or NNP, not sure which yet). The place has good tuition reimbursement (though not astounding or anything).

What is the rational thing for me to do? I have been bottling this in and keeping my nose down and working, but I think it might be time to leave.

That sucks that people aren't being nice. But I don't see how any of this actually affects the ability to do your job. Work is work, it's not a social event. Maybe if you just focused on doing your job and going home and ignore the B.S politics and cliques that spring up you might start to feel more comfortable and maybe just make more friends naturally and effortlessly. There's always going to be cliques and groups of people that you might not relate to.

[Apple-Core, ASN, BSN, RN]

I can say categorically if I worked with you , you definitely wouldn't be ignored (by me). I passionately despise bullying and catty behavior like this. Both my children were extremely shy as kids, somewhat like their dad. I'm the opposite so I couldn't really understand it in the true sense of the definition, but I certainly had compassion for their struggles.

Sadly, being extrovert and outgoing is highly valued in America, and the shyer types can - not always - but can get pushed to the back and forgotten/ignored. I know because I had to watch my kids go through ruthless bullying and being ostracized. They both struggled with anxiety and depression because of it. It's been a steep learning curve for me because when I was bullied at school I fought back - my kids just withered. It broke my heart, but even though I was always a compassionate person it has made me even more compassionate for the struggles of introverted people and the dreadful treatment they can receive from people. Not to say extroverts don't get crap too sometimes, but I know first hand just how "easy" a target a quieter person can be, especially those that don't have the confidence to defend themselves.