"Bless Your Heart"

[Ruby Vee]

That's a phrase that I'm sure is meant well (most of the time), but for some reason it just grates on my nerves. Most of the time, it strikes me as condescending. It's like the quintessential Southernism Bless your heart,” which I'm coming to learn means nothing of the sort. (According to my late sister-in-law, bless your heart” means You're behaving like a Yankee — synonymous with ‘Troll' — and you have no idea that we're all laughing at you behind your back.” This is the same sister-in-law who referred to me, until her dying day as That dam Yankee my brother brought home.”

Somehow, Have a Blessed Day” just strikes me in the same way — as sarcastic, condescending and insincere. Every time I see a post ending that way, it makes me reassess the content and is sure to get my dander up. I know I'm not the only one who sees it that way. So I'm wondering, how do the majority of AN members see/use the expression?

[llg, PhD, RN]

(Wasn't it Jesus who criticized the Pharisees for making a public display of their piety, and instructed his disciples to pray privately, where no one could see them?)

Yes, it was. As for one of the more literate and articulate kids in my Sunday school class many years ago, I was often the one asked to read from out loud from the Bible. That particular passage is one of the passages I remember most -- as I was intelligent enough to notice the irony of the situation. There I was ... standing there reading out loud in front of a crowd .,.. reading that Jesus said we should not make a big show out of religion -- but rather, we should pray quietly and privately. lol

:)

I believe the Bible passage is in the book of Matthew, Chapter 5. It is the passage just before "The Lord's Prayer."

[LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN]

As the only time I've heard the phrase is on outgoing voicemail messages, I would venture a guess that in those situations, it's not used sarcastically. :)

Absolutely, but to more of your post for it to be cultural, alas, it is not a cultural thing, and be just as annoying to "us" as it is to "anyone else".

[llg, PhD, RN]

I have lived in the south for about 25 years of my adult life. I was taught that "Bless her heart" means that she means well, but is clueless.

As for "Have a blessed day" ... it makes me uncomfortable as I do not share the religious sentiment it expresses -- even if it is spoken sincerely.

[ShortFuse_LPN, LPN]

My very Southern grandma once told me that you can basically tell someone off and get away with it as long as it is done with a smile and a "Bless your heart". LOL

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

[quote=Cafelattee;8471281

I also think the obs family are just jerks. I have to say I may get the use of "bless your heart" as sarcasm when I here someone move here and complain the whole time which honesty we are a culture of being nice and not as blunt as a lot of other culture people can get. Instead of telling you to stop your cribbing just and move back up where you came from they may say "bless your heart yor poor thing it'll get better" They don't mean it they want your ass to move back where you came from LOL

I'm assuming that "obs" was a typo for "OP's" and will admit that my sisters-in-law have "jerkish" tendencies. And I fully understand that my sister-in-law wanted me to go back where I came from!

[Farawyn]

I'm assuming that "obs" was a typo for "OP's" and will admit that my sisters-in-law have "jerkish" tendencies. And I fully understand that my sister-in-law wanted me to go back where I came from!

How jerk-ish of her.

[Ruby Vee, BSN]

LOL, that's what my Mormon coworker says, that's LDS code speak for that.

How about "I'll be praying for you"? I think that's code for 'You are a lost cause, are probably going to Hell, good thing for me I'm holier than thou".

"I'll be praying for you" probably means exactly that in many contexts. Used online, it's impossible to tell, but based on the tone of the rest of the post, I've concluded it usually means exactly that. On the other hand, my friend just found out that the child she is carrying has a horrible birth defect. When I texted "I'll be praying for you" to her this morning, I meant exactly that. I will be praying for her and her family as they go through this tremendous ordeal. I probably would not have said that to someone I'm not sure of (meaning are they religious? Will they take this in the spirit in which it was meant?), but she and I go to the same church so I think she'll understand and appreciate exactly how it was meant.

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

Guess I'm in the "it depends" camp!

I have a Southern-born-raised friend who will use "bless your heart!" when I'm telling her about something that was particularly trying, as though to say "you poor thing!" in empathy.

I also have had the experience of having a co-worker refer to some idiotic patient and say "bless her heart" when she really means "she's a good-intentioned moron, she means well".

And on multiple occasions, hearing a Southerner say "well, bless her heart!" in such a way as to really mean "I can't say what I REALLY think of her, that would be un-Christian of me, so...I'll camoflage it with a 'bless her heart'!"

So.....it depends :)

[FlyingScot, RN]

"Bless your heart" and "Aren't you precious" mean anything but that in my southern family. I've never heard anybody say "Have a blessed day" with any amount of believable sincerity. My sense is it's a passive-aggressive attempt at making nasty behavior pass the smell test. Sort of like prefacing an offensive sentence with "no offense but...". Neither work with me.

[RNsRWe, ASN, RN]

Ok, how's this for timing: I just called a Southern business. Voicemail outgoing message, at the end it tells me to 'Have a Blessed Day'. I don't think I could reasonably assume they're telling off a potential customer, LOL, so....I guess while they may not be sincere in their wishes for what kind of a day I should have, they aren't being nasty! :)

[elkpark]

That particular passage is one of the passages I remember most -- as I was intelligent enough to notice the irony of the situation. There I was ... standing there reading out loud in front of a crowd .,.. reading that Jesus said we should not make a big show out of religion -- but rather, we should pray quietly and privately. lol

:)

Well, but you were reading out loud in front of your Sunday school class, where, presumably people were there because they wanted to be and because they shared your views -- you weren't foisting your religious views on the unsuspecting general public. :)

[SHGR, MSN, RN, CNS]

In my experience, "have a blest day" is used sincerely (or sometimes perfunctorily the way white people use "have a nice day"), and "bless your heart" is used more sarcastically. I hear the former phrase waaaay more than the latter.