No more rudeness!

OrganizedChaos, LVN · Jul 11, 2016

Honestly, I've read a lot of threads here and many of them have to do with things that are overheard by nurses. Things they've heard doctors say, families of patients say, etc and I can't recall anyone being castigated about eavesdropping before quite like this. Honestly, I can practically see some people clutching their pearls and shrieking "Well, I nevah!"

Well first things first, the OP isn't working in any context as a nurse - she was at a zoo. If you're going to eavesdrop on people's conversation, be ready to hear things you don't like because you are not included in their conversation.

AutumnApple · Jul 11, 2016

Honestly, I've read a lot of threads here and many of them have to do with things that are overheard by nurses. Things they've heard doctors say, families of patients say, etc and I can't recall anyone being castigated about eavesdropping before quite like this. Honestly, I can practically see some people clutching their pearls and shrieking "Well, I nevah!"

I can perhaps explain it.

You have to remember, while people are on forums such as this, people are constantly 'reading between the lines.' If our suspicion is that a post may be less than honest, our responses to it will reflect that. While we try to take people at their word and give them the benefit of the doubt, we're only human. Most of the time, our reactions are affected by what we've 'read between the lines.'

The opening post of this thread follows a distinct, definite template. Said template tends to be used when someone has something to say about (whatever) but no definite proof of whatever point they're trying to make.

I started to notice the use of this template on Facebook. It's common here as well. This is the template:

Person A for some reason has gotten topic B on the mind. Topic B is a bit of an obsession for them at the moment. It could be a political issue that everyone else is posting about, it could be (as in this case) something person A is dealing with themselves. Either way, person A feels very strongly about topic B...............today. And they want to make a post, showing everyone in their virtual world how important and epic topic B really is. Cause no one understands that EVERYTHING depends on solving topic B RIGHT NOW, and the world is just intolerable until it is.

So they post away, with a little (or a lot) of fabrication to drive their point home. Usually the fabrication is in the form of a completely made up event that (SURPRISE!) has to do with the exact issue buzzing around their head at the moment.

If topic B is about rude cashiers..............SURPRISE, they suddenly run into so many rude cashiers every time they go shopping and simply must tell us about it. If topic B is about teachers who dress funny for class..............SURPRISE!, this person found themselves driving by a school and looked in a window and saw (whatever). If topic B is about being stressed about NCLEX...............SUPRISE!................

The template: Person A is fixated on Topic B and amazingly finds themselves surrounded by example after example of whatever they wish to post about.

The opening statement of this thread follows this template word for word. Is her story fabricated, less then truthful? I don't know. I do know though that, because of how often this template is used, people's responses to the OP are going to be a bit tainted because everyone is, more than likely, reading between the lines.

Go to facebook for a bit if you don't believe me. I'm a little ashamed of some of the posts I see there concerning the shootings that have been taking place. Everyone feels so strongly about whatever their position is, to the point where they don't mind being outright offensive about it. And 90% of the posts use the template I've discussed. Person A is fixated on 'Every life matters' and....................Surprise!..................

Nevermind there is not a single, solitary post about human rights or equality before. And, once the fire settles down, they will move onto a new fixation. That's not supporting someone, that's using them. Using them to give yourself a topic to discuss for that day.

lifelearningrn, BSN, RN · Jul 11, 2016

I think you'll find this behavior anywhere you go (as in any profession). It's not just nurses.

RorySeiter · Jul 11, 2016

Don't be so sensitive. Toughen up buttercup. Be part of the solution, not the problem.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · Jul 12, 2016

What is it going to take to change the nursing culture? I'm not talking about nurses eating their young necessarily, but just the superiority attitudes in general.
Here's my example: I went to the zoo the other day to take my mind off the NCLEX that I was unsure whether or not I passed. There were three girls sitting at a table beside me who were discussing the NCLEX (not ideal to get my mind off of it, haha). But one girl was saying that she would have been so upset if she didn't pass, and thinks if you don't pass the first time you shouldn't be a nurse. They were talking about one classmate in particular and saying how he failed and was such a loser and they would hate to know their nurse failed the NCLEX because that means you are stupid.
I've heard similar attitudes in the past. I mean, they were barely even nurses and already they have this attitude of not passing the NCLEX = you're a stupid person who shouldn't be a nurse. That is so bothersome to me as someone who considered not getting into the field due to the cattiness I had heard so much about.
Anyway, I personally think the education about kindness and consideration in the field needs to start early in nursing school to start changing the culture of nursing. It just seems like a high school clique issue that needs to be addressed before people hit the workplace. Am I the only one??

The best lesson that you could learn is to not sit passively while others gossip and degrade other people on a subject you are so passionate about, OP.

"What a horrible thing to say!! _________ is an awesome person, I did clinicals with him and he really knows his stuff, and because someone is not the world's best test taker doesn't mean they are not going to rock nursing!! Lets talk about something else, as aren't we here to stop obsessing about the NCLEX?"

Chose your friends wisely. Choose your nursing character wisely. Resolve to not waste one minute of your time engaged in hateful arrogant foolishness in your personal life. Learn to disengage from that type of person in your professional life. Make a reputation for yourself as a person who doesn't tear down someone else for their own sense of entitlement, nor have much patience for those who do.

heron, ASN, RN · Jul 12, 2016

jadelpn: the OP was listening in on a conversation between strangers at a public zoo.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jul 12, 2016

Well that certainly wasn't answering my question, and everyone can have their opinion on zoos. I think the point was first of all that I couldn't help but overhear them as I was sitting right next to their table, and it was one example that I've heard of many, just the most recent one which is why I picked it.

Actually, it was answering your question; you just missed it.

You COULD help but overhear them. You could have moved, chatted with your companion, whipped out your paperback or Kindle or Kindle app on your phone to read an interesting book. You chose to listen instead. And you chose to interpret some chatting about a fellow classmate as negative nursing culture. You aren't a nurse; it sounds as if the folks you were eavesdropping upon weren't nurses yet either, and yet you blame a negative culture in nursing.

If you're looking for a negative culture, you will find it. But since it really isn't out there very much, if you don't go looking for it, you probably won't find it. Grow up and start looking for the positives.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jul 12, 2016

And very true, just something I thought might be nice to have addressed in a nursing program, we did not discuss workplace relations. For people who are just entering the workforce in general (I haven't worked as a nurse but have had other jobs) I think it can be difficult to get the hang of interpersonal dynamics and how it isn't high school anymore.

By all means, a class or a seminar on workplace relations would be valuable, especially for those nursing school graduates or about-t0-be graduates who have never held a real job before. But you weren't posting about workplace relations. You were posting about a conversation between strangers (upon whom you were eavesdropping) at the ZOO. Grow up. If you go looking for a negative interaction, you will find it. So why go looking?

Ruby Vee, BSN · Jul 12, 2016

As you can see here it is endemic when many women work together. You will find some who are wonderful and have your back, but you must always be cautious because others are not to be trusted and are sharpening their knives.....

Your misogyny is showing.

RNmom127 · Jul 13, 2016

Cattiness is everywhere not just in the nursing field. They simply had an opinion you and I both don't agree with but they certainly are allowed to have it.

Speaking with my lovely senior nurses, the advice they gave me is to have thick skin. While nurses are there to support one another, this is a stressful field. You'll encounter cattiness from everywhere: doctors, patients, families, administration.

This topic is more stressful for you because you're prepping to take nclex. I suggest you relax.

payitforward · Jul 13, 2016

No, you aren't the only one!!! I feel the exact same way. I go to work to take care of my residents, have fun, do my work and go home. The pettiness, drama, rudeness and backbiting I don't like, because its just hateful behavior. I think it comes from an insecurity. I FIRMLY believe and live by the golden rule. I don't treat or speak to anyone in a disrespectful manner, but unfortunately others don't feel that way, so we must govern ourselves accordingly. Keep your head up!!!

Angelicpurl · Jul 19, 2016

Did we work together? I precepted a girl like that too.

She was a nurse who could NOT figure out (& get it to stick) how to push ANY medications IV. I'm talking about someone working a busy med-surg floor. Lots of post-op patients....

So after explaining over and over, 16 weeks of doing IV push meds with another nurse along with her assessments (2 max and we carried 12 as a team with LPN and aide)....they gave her to me.

I told the other RN'S I had an idea & they were good with me having this RN do ALL the IV meds with me for the entire floor (22 patients, and not even a heavy IV load for that many either). Scheduled and PRN, blood, the works. I wouldn't have done it except they knew I wouldn't leave them hanging over it. I also wasn't going to let her hurt anyone and they would've pitched in if we had really needed help (too many PRN requests at once, for instance.

Young pretty girl, flirty with ANY male. She was 22 years old, maybe. Kept going to the bathroom every hour to check her makeup on prior shifts. She spent 15 seconds doing a rudimentary assessment, copied over other shift assessment....took maybe 5 minutes total charting on each patient.

She was crying before 9:30 pm and we hadn't really gotten started yet. At 6 am, our manager came in & she threatened to quit because we were too rough on her. We were worse than day shift that made her do aide work! That aide work made her break a nail. Yes, she mentioned that too.

Manager gave us a way to go. "Princess" took notes the night I had her as the preceptor. She quit asking how to push Morphine and Pepcid too.

BTW, she's become a fine nurse. She's not afraid to ask questions, teaches others, and does aide work when needed. The key with her was repetition of the same tasks. We worked with another RN on our team a few nights later (instead of LPN) and I had her do all 12 assessments. She also charted all 12.

Was it mean? Maybe. Did it work? Yes!

She was top of her class, passed NCLEX on first try at 75 questions....guess how we taught her admissions? Yep, had her do ALL the admissions one night. Same with discharges. I came in with her and we did all the discharges from 1pm on....even for other floors!

I've worked with nurses who took more than one try to pass NCLEX; they're great nurses. Just because you pass at 75 questions doesn't mean you're a great nurse.