No friends at work

middleagednurse · May 24, 2015

And as one of the PP said, to make a friend, be a friend. Smile, be friendly to everyone you meet. Eventually people will be friendlier to you.

Graduatenurse14 · May 25, 2015

The workplace sounds very strange. As an adult I had some life events that lead me to not have as much in common with those I had been friends with. I found new friends through Meetup.com. There are many, many group gatherings for all kinds of interests- including nursing! Check it out!

Been there,done that, ASN, RN · May 25, 2015

You ticked somebody off. Ask the charge nurse that is sticking up for you, why.

Most likely , it 's for no real reason.

You are being bullied. In this case, the best defense is a good offense. File a grievance and FACE YOUR ACCUSERS.

In front of a neutral third party , you will ask for specific incidents of your "unacceptable" behavior. Take a witness with you and be prepared to answer .

Then finish out your year .. and get outta Dodge.

rn5730 · May 26, 2015

Unlike some may assume, I AM a very friendly person. Honestly. Probably one of the most genuine people there are. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I grew up in a small town, and yes I do feel like a fish out of water. My patients are not falling through the cracks, and I approach everyone I meet with a smile. I'm a Midwestern girl. It is a very catty, clicky environment and as one described, everyone goes out for drinks when I would rather go home and sleep or be with my family...not that I am invited for drinks. We are down to 6 full time rn's with a 45 bed er because everyone left. It's toxic. It just makes it hard to go in everyday and face those that are still there, and "won't" leave.

rn5730 · May 26, 2015

Oh and as an add on..they do post all the compliments...and times for everything (meds given, time from d/c posted to out the door...etc) and I am at the average. None is over the time needed. I have two dr's at this point that said they are willing to go to management over this because they don't see the issue.

icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN · May 26, 2015

I briefly worked with a crew like yours and I regret that I stayed as long as I did. I am embarrassed to admit that I ever worked in that place and with those people. It is time to part ways with this situation if you possibly can.

TriciaJ, RN · May 27, 2015

If the workplace is intractably cliquish, then you have to decide how badly you need friends at work. You can choose to ignore everyone, except for strictly work-related interaction, and just put your head down and get the job done. Get your social strokes elsewhere. Or, if they all suck that bad, start looking for the exit. If there is legitimate feedback being offered about your performance, be receptive to it.

One thing I would not do is empower snobs by trying to befriend them. If the benefits of that jobs outweigh the atmosphere, stick around and just do your job. If not, ask for an exit interview when you leave.

jadelpn, LPN, EMT-B · May 28, 2015

Oh and as an add on..they do post all the compliments...and times for everything (meds given, time from d/c posted to out the door...etc) and I am at the average. None is over the time needed. I have two dr's at this point that said they are willing to go to management over this because they don't see the issue.

I am not sure I would get doctors involved and make this into a huge thing. If your timing is "average" then I am not sure what the issue is. You do your thing, and you leave. You do not need to get into a friendship with anyone at work. No need to.

You have a family, other responsibilities, your husband and the kids. Get involved in the kids school. Get involved in PTA, after school activities, your local church. If there's a cause you embrace, volunteer some time to it when you can. Working full time in the ER is long and hard. Take some time for you. Between working and keeping a house, and errands, and taxi-ing kids, and hanging out with the husband, that's a full life. That the ER crew is being nasty---on them, my dear. End of story.

If you are not understanding what the charge nurse is doing as far as giving you crap assignments or whatever, then ask "I am not sure what you mean" or "I need clarification, please"

If you are finding that people are talking smack, then be the nice one--"I really enjoyed my time working with Nurse Xyz!" and walk away.

Best advice? DO NOT ENGAGE. I repeat DO NOT ENGAGE!

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 28, 2015

I've NEVER in my nursing career or life in general, not been able to make a friend where I work. I'm excluded from other nursing activities, and in general they really are all to get rid of me. I work in an er, and was told that I'm not allowed to socialize with the other workers. I'm told that I don't round on my patients (which I'd do). I have the highest amount of compliments both written and called in and in my mind that says that I am spending time with my patients. I was lastly told that they would like to see me in my patients rooms more (which is where I spend ALL MY TIME). I've been singled out and there is a specific charge nurse who has started all of this and is speaking for all of the charge nurses, though I've spoke with and sort of befriended one of them and he is the only one speaking up for me, but is the only voice that they aren't listening to. I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. I moved my entire family to this place 1500 miles away from everyone I know and loved and I have nobody and nothing. Advice please.

You're not allowed to socialize with other workers? Huh? Or maybe management would rather have you actually working during your time at work.

So you're told that you don't round on your patients -- which you say you would do -- why not just DO it? You're getting some valuable feedback that you seem to be just dismissing out of hand. You're not getting along with your colleagues, and you're ignoring the feedback that might help you figure out the problem. Not good.

If you've moved your entire family to this place, it sounds as if you have your entire family at this place. Get your support from them while you work on fixing the problems that prevent you from getting along with your colleagues.

rn5730 · May 30, 2015

You're not allowed to socialize with other workers? Huh? Or maybe management would rather have you actually working during your time at work.
So you're told that you don't round on your patients -- which you say you would do -- why not just DO it? You're getting some valuable feedback that you seem to be just dismissing out of hand. You're not getting along with your colleagues, and you're ignoring the feedback that might help you figure out the problem. Not good.
If you've moved your entire family to this place, it sounds as if you have your entire family at this place. Get your support from them while you work on fixing the problems that prevent you from getting along with your colleagues.

I'm not quite sure where you are getting the idea I am ignoring or not using this feedback. That is quite an assumption to make. I guess more of the point of my original post is the singling out that has taken place. They allow others to do what I am not supposed to. ME. That's it. There are co-workers that sit at the computer and literally play games on their phones and the work computers...while I am doing my job and taking care of my patients..

icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN · May 30, 2015

It is eerie how much your description of this ER matches the ER at my former place of employment, especially the mind games, false accusations and having one nurse take all of the patients while the staff goofed off.

In time I learned that a large percentage of the nursing staff were subpar and had been fired from the other larger facilities in the area for serious issues. It is a shame how a group like that can control and ruin an otherwise decent workplace.

This was why anyone with strong skills and Level one experience, who did not fit in with their low standards, was chased away. Every travel nurse refused to renew because of the total lack of regard for standards of care.

I think female nurses make the mistake of thinking that we all have to be friends with our coworkers and make that a big priority. It's not; we are paid to do a job. They are your colleagues, not your friends. I would rather have a congenial and professional work environment and keep my professional life separate from my private life. You need to be very careful with what you share and with whom and learn to work around the mean girls mentality.

Most hospitals have an activities committee for holiday parades, Habitat for Humanity, sports events and health fairs and such. This is an avenue that you could take for finding acceptance and making friends with people in administration as well as other departments. Also if you are a PALS or ACLS instructor you are an asset to the organization, so get that credential.

If you have to stay there, I hope that you can build a rapport with your manager and the providers- and everyone else. They will leave you alone if they know you have those people in your corner. Ask to be trained as a relief charge nurse if you plan on staying there for more than a year.

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 31, 2015

I'm not quite sure where you are getting the idea I am ignoring or not using this feedback. That is quite an assumption to make. I guess more of the point of my original post is the singling out that has taken place. They allow others to do what I am not supposed to. ME. That's it. There are co-workers that sit at the computer and literally play games on their phones and the work computers...while I am doing my job and taking care of my patients..

I got the impression that you weren't making use of the feedback you're being given because your post, rather than stating you were trying to make use of the feedback is bemoaning the unfairness of all of it.

I don't know how you could possibly be sure you're the ONLY one who "isn't allowed to sit at the computer and play games on their phones." If management is doing even that part of it's job correctly, you're not going to know who is being disciplined for what. You're not supposed to. So every one of those "other nurses" may be on the discipline continuum from verbal warning to the verge of termination. And you won't know about it.

As the "new kid", you will be watched more closely, you will be given "advice" that you don't need. It's part of being new. Acknowledge the advice, thank the advisor and continue to do the best job that you can. As for friends at work -- perhaps that will come later when they all get used to you. You're an outsider, entering a closed system. Perhaps you'll never have friends at work, and that's OK, too. Work is for work. You can make friends, as others have suggested, at church, a book club, or Paco's Tavern on Saturday night dart night.