New RN: Bullied + Depressed = Time to Quit?

MrChicagoRN, RN · Apr 26, 2014

Irishlynn,

It appears that the way you deal with stressful situations is by retreating. No matter where you go, no matter what you do for a living, you may run into unpleasant people. Instead of moving hundreds of miles, have you discussed this with your manager? Do you have access to an EAP? FYI, many hospitals and managers won't tolerate bullying.

Before leaving, I suggest you try to work on how to deal with bullying and lateral violence.

Good luck

MereSanity · Apr 26, 2014

I'm an OR nurse...rude, angry people aren't the issue...it's management that not only ignores the issue but promotes the bullies.

nwatson83 · Apr 27, 2014

hello, let me give you an SBAR on my situation (ha.ha)
situation: I think I need to to quit my job
background: I am a new BSN graduate who started out 12 hr nights small country hospital BUSY and stressful tele/IMCU floor; however, I hate the job because of the people. I have seriously tried to like it I am 6 months in (3 months on my own). I am getting bullied by some of the senior day nurses and I just don't feel comfortable anymore. I'm stressed, losing weight, anxious, depressed, crying on the job and off (I used to be so bubbly and happy!) I have talked to my boss and nothing is being done.
assessment: THUS, comes to my issue. I need to find another job so I can quit my job. I am applying to new jobs in Pa/NJ area with no avail because I have only 6 months experience or there just are no jobs. So now I am starting to think of moving somewhere warm or different. I'm thinking of the coastal NC area or Arizona northern (flagstaff area (family there)).
recommendation: Any suggestions on where to apply that the culture will be similar to the northeast. Give me a proper orientation and that treat their employees RIGHT? thank you!
or any words of advice for a new graduate having a difficult time?

I would report it to the board of nursing. When I was in school a few students got in trouble for bullying a fellow student and the dean was ready to report them to the bon and they would've not been able to graduate nor get a nursing license.

HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD · Apr 28, 2014

Our reactions to conflict are pretty much hardwired at birth. If "avoid at all costs" is your natural tendency, it can be very difficult to deal with unpleasant co-workers. However, is is unlikely to find a completely conflict-free workplace, so it's best to develop some better coping skills.

If your supervisor is incompetent (as appears to be the case for OP), utilize the chain of command. Go to higher levels of nursing leadership. Utilize the HR grievance process - they have to have one - to lodge a complaint about the hostile work environment you are being subjected to. Or report this 'harassment' via your company's compliance line. The latter two options will take this issue out of the 'nursing' realm and involve 3rd parties... nursing cannot make it go away easily.

All of these actions will be uncomfortable if you are a natural avoider. Along the way, you will become much better at serving as your own advocate. It may never feel comfortable or natural, but you will become more confident and therefore, much less of a 'juicy target' for the bullies.

Me? My instinctive (natural) reaction to conflict is "ATTACK"... trust me, this is usually just as bad as avoidance. I had to learn more appropriate methods also.

SWKRN · Nov 18, 2014

Wow! I thought I was looking in a mirror for a minute! I had the same experience at my 1st job. I quit at 13 months. I should have quit sooner because now I'm terrified that EVERY floor/hospital will be the same! God bless, good luck & get out!

LadyJovial · Nov 20, 2014

This issue is much more common than you might think. A geographic location might not completely eliminate the problem. While you are hanging in there to get more experience in order to open up more opportunities, I would like to make a suggestion. Chose one person on the day shift and begin to ask them for advice, let them know you admire something about how they do their work and respect how much experience they have. As you begin to develop a better relationship with this one nurse, she will likely begin to see you as someone she has a bond with , a friend, someone she is mentoring. Once you have developed a deeper bond, ask for advice about how to earn more respect. Many times, these nurses were treated like this as well as new grads and may feel its normal to give new grads a hard time or that new grads need to spend a period of time approaching their new role with humility before they can join the rest of the ranks. Thankfully, this practice is getting somewhat better. New grads are coming out so much more integrated in their thinking and nursing knowledge has expanded so much in the past 10-20 years. But these nurses have spent decades in the trenches, they just want to to acknowledge it in some way that you recognize that.

caliotter3 · Nov 20, 2014

Irishlynn,
It appears that the way you deal with stressful situations is by retreating. No matter where you go, no matter what you do for a living, you may run into unpleasant people. Instead of moving hundreds of miles, have you discussed this with your manager? Do you have access to an EAP? FYI, many hospitals and managers won't tolerate bullying.
Before leaving, I suggest you try to work on how to deal with bullying and lateral violence.
Good luck

You will be in a world of hurt if you move across the nation to find a job with the same type of atmosphere as the one you are leaving. Pushing around the new nurse is not an isolated behavior. You should attempt to shore up your coping skills while you are at this job. Surprisingly enough, in about a year, you may find that the mistreatment is a thing of the past. It took about a year for me to wait out the mean treatment at my first nursing job. I am glad that I did.

namaste1 · Oct 9, 2015

I am in a similar situation in an outpatient urgent care clinic. This doctor is monitoring every single thing that I do. So now I am afraid that I will be terminated for no reason. Not sure if I should resign first.

Nurseadvocate4life · Mar 8

Get a lawyer!

JerDJ, BSN · Mar 14

that's definitely a situation that would make someone question their career choice. I've experienced something like this before and it drove me crazy. I eventually found something else, a non-bedside position and I would say that I feel better about it. Maybe a change of scenery would help you?

Annon16453799 · Aug 1

Nursing is a caring field steeped in traditions and customs. There is so much to say here! My advise to a New Grad nurse is that you might want to consider that the more experienced nurse could be upset about a lot of things that he or she is not even beginning to mention. Maybe they are upset that they feel they are pulling more than their fare share of the weight. Maybe they are sleep deprived. Maybe they are tired of yet another New Grad here today gone tomorrow.

But then again a similar situation happened to me, and I still cannot figure out what went wrong. I have a conspiracy theory, but I will have to leave that one to the dogs.

My other advise is that you are at work for the patient, not your ego. God gave you two ears and one mouth.