New Nurse..Lost a pt. I didn't know ID hurt so deeply

[BSN_Studnt]

On shift in Neuro ICU for 9 months. A young male in twenties came. present with SI overdose of 200 Xanax. On vent and NG. pt doing fine! I did everything but he died...they gave him flumazenil in ED! What elso could I have down. I feel .. like a bad nurse and am sad so sad he had no there conditions Please help me think through this

[Emergent, RN]

Perhaps reach out to employee assistance to help you put this in perspective. (((Hugs)))

[LovingLife123]

Can I ask why an overdose was sent to Neuro icu? Was there more going on or was this just a MICU overflow patient?

[BSN_Studnt]

Pt was PSych, --was in ED requiring mech. vent and had multiple seizures and a critical care consult was ordered and sent to nearo

[BSN_Studnt]

No PMH/PHSx

No meds per EHR but that's outdated when he arrived its clear he was getting the Xanax

[BSN_Studnt]

First EMS narcanned , and no response until he arrived on unit

[BSN_Studnt]

4 minutes ago, BSN_Studnt said:

First EMS narcanned , and no response until he arrived on unit

obvi cause it was benzoic

[BSN_Studnt]

Im worried I did something but , ugh this was first!! It hits hard and like with he got flumazenil

[FolksBtrippin, BSN, RN]

I'm so sorry.

I hope you get whatever you need to process this.

[missmollie, ADN, BSN, RN]

You personally, individually, wholly and absolutely on your own accord lost a patient? You were personally responsible to oversee every medication he took, was given, was ordered, and delivered according to standards?

No!!!

No, you are not personally responsible.

The patient made bad choices -> ED -> Neuro ICU -> lifesaving measures -> Cpr-> chest compressions-> 1 mg of epi-> 2 shocks to the heart-> broken ribs from compressions (good compressions)-> and one sad family.

And you caused this to occur? I'm impressed how one individual could affect someone's life so much that this is the outcome. Here's the thing. You didn't. You are not the cause of his outcome, you are not the reason he coded. You are not the reason he died. His choices are and were his.

It's really difficult to lose your first patient. Don't take responsibility where there is none. Death will always win, no matter what you do, even if that death is 20 years later. Don't try to keep score or responsibility. ❤️

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

I have had a few deaths that have hit me hard, and, like you, I've questioned what my own role was in the death. I'm learning to realize that even when we're the primary nurse assigned to a patient, we are rarely solely responsible for a patient outcome, except maybe in the cause of negligence/error. You were providing care with a team of people, and all of those people played some role, including the patient himself. Find someone you can talk to, you will get through and continue to be a good nurse. Good luck.

[SaltineQueen]

It's hard to accept that death is a part of life, especially when that life is young and otherwise seems healthy. If his body was already worn down due to addiction this may have been the straw that broke the camel's back. But sometimes, even despite our best efforts, patients die. I lost my first patient in my very first nursing clinical and was pretty upset. My instructor told me, "There are some things worse than death," and that has helped me get through the others that came after. Check with your HR to see if they offer an EAP to help you through this.